Because YOU demanded it (several years ago), and because this is our annual special rule-breaking holiday episode, we finally whip out our wands and make appear an episode about one-time YA teapot tempest Handbook for Mortals! Rock and roll, hair dye, motorcycle rides, dads, moms, tarot, magic, magik, and ... typos, cliches, and what may well be literature's first-ever love octagon.

Probably the worst prose since Eye of Argon, the most all-italics pages since Wild Animus, and the overall harshest toke we've taken in a long, long time.

Recommendations:

• Our Band Could Be Your Life by Michael Azerrad
• The Future Is Here and Everything Must Be Destroyed by Colette Arrand

Music Thoughts:

• "Red Vines" by Aimee Mann
• "The Final Countdown" by some kids
• "Black Magic Woman" by Santana