This week we are lucky enough to be enjoyed by BBC Bitesize's own Mr Firth! He shares his analogy that the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Gilderoy Lockhart (Kenneth Branagh) typifies the toxic behaviours of your average EduTwitter celebrity. We discuss our Hogwarts houses (with Sean trying to overcome his Hufflepuff shame and overcompensating in the processs...) and the school's appalling safeguarding. Keeping an educational establishment open despite the manifest danger of a deadly hidden menace no-one knows how to mitigate or solve!? Thank god this kind of thing only happens in fiction...