Grief has a way of showing up uninvited—and unrelenting.

Sometimes it feels like a storm that overtakes everything. Other times, it's subtle: a weight in the chest, an impulse to people-please, or a fear you can’t quite name.

But what if some of what we carry isn’t even ours?

In this powerful episode of Grief 2 Growth, I sit down with psychotherapist and IFS lead trainer Tamala Floyd to explore how we can use Internal Family Systems (IFS) and ancestral wisdom to heal deep grief and generational trauma.

Let’s dig into what healing generational trauma really means—and how you can begin your own transformation.

🧬 What Is Generational Trauma—and Why Does It Matter?

Generational trauma, also known as intergenerational or ancestral trauma, refers to the emotional pain passed from one generation to the next. It can be inherited through family behavior, beliefs, cultural dynamics—and even our DNA.

“There are things we're doing where we're disconnected from the original trauma... but we still carry it.” —Tamala Floyd

You might feel anxious for no apparent reason. Or struggle with emotional suppression, perfectionism, or hyper-independence. These behaviors might have been modeled or inherited.

In Black and Brown communities, generational trauma is often tied to historical oppression, racism, and survival-based parenting. As Tamala shares, Black women, in particular, may inherit the “strong Black woman” archetype—at great cost to their emotional well-being.

Understanding this isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness and healing.

🧠 What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

Internal Family Systems is a therapy model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. It teaches that we are not just one unified mind—but rather a system of parts.

Each of us has sub-personalities—or “parts”—that developed over time to help us survive and cope. These include:

* The People-Pleaser

* The Inner Critic

* The Overachiever

* The Anxious One

* The Caretaker

When these parts take on extreme roles, it’s often because of trauma. In IFS, we don’t try to eliminate them—we get to know them, heal them, and give them permission to rest.

“We don’t get rid of our parts. We unburden them.” —Tamala Floyd

💔 How Grief Activates Our “Parts”

Grief isn’t a single emotion. It’s a constellation of parts activated by losing someone we love.

Tamala shares how, in the wake of her daughter’s death, she became “a walking, grieving mother.” After her brother’s murder, it was rage. After losing her grandmother, it was denial.

Different grief, different parts.

“We have parts that don’t want to believe we’ve lost… parts that think we can’t go on. Sometimes we have parts that say, ‘You don’t have time for this.’” —Tamala Floyd

IFS gives us a way to recognize each of these parts and offer them compassion. In doing so, we avoid getting lost in them. Instead of being the grief, we learn to sit with it.

🔑 The Role of the “Self” in Healing

At the center of IFS is the concept of Self—your inner wise presence.

The Self is who you are when you're not blended with any part. It’s calm, curious, compassionate. It’s the one that can listen to your inner critic without collapsing or attacking.

“The Self is the natural healer within us.” —Tamala Floyd

IFS helps us create space between the part and the Self. That’s the first step to healing.

Example:

* You notice your anxiety is triggered before a family dinner.

* Instead of becoming the anxiety, you say, “Ah, my anxious part is here.”

* You breathe. You ask what it needs. You listen with compassion.

This is the work. And it’s powerful.

🌳 Healing Ancestral Wounds Through Connection

Tamala doesn’t stop with the parts of this life. She brings ancestral healing into the room, inviting the wisdom of the “well ancestors” to guide the journey.

When healing generational trauma, she asks clients to:

* Invite in the ancestors who carry the burden.

* Ask for a well ancestor—one who has healed—to help lead the process.

* Release the burden, not just for themselves, but for those who came before.

“By healing ourselves, we help those who came before us… and those who come after.” —Tamala Floyd

Whether or not your ancestors are known to you, they can still be part of your healing. Meditation, journaling, and quiet reflection can open that door.

🧩 How to Recognize Generational Patterns in Your Life

Sometimes the signs of generational trauma are hidden in plain sight. You may have heard (or said) things like:

* “This is just the way I am.”

* “My mother was this way. Her mother, too.”

* “Our family doesn’t talk about emotions.”

* “I was the strong one. I had to be.”

Tamala shares how anxiety, for instance, can pass through generations without ever being named. You don’t have to see the trauma to carry its imprint.

“The traumatic gene change can be handed down to the next generation.” —Tamala Floyd

By getting curious about your behaviors—especially the ones that feel automatic—you begin to trace their origins. And that’s where freedom begins.

👭 Why Healing in Community Matters

One of the most powerful parts of Tamala’s work is hosting retreats for women of color. These week-long experiences combine IFS, ancestral healing, meditation, and sacred sisterhood.

“These women heal best in community. Especially when family hasn’t shown up for them.” —Tamala Floyd

Retreats allow women to:

* Be witnessed in their truth

* Access ancestral connection

* Share stories in a safe, supported environment

* Reclaim joy, softness, and rest

Community is medicine. And healing doesn’t have to happen alone.

🧘🏾‍♀️ Healing at Home: Practical Tools to Start With

You don’t have to wait for a retreat to begin healing. Tamala’s book Listening When Parts Speak is a practical guide that includes:

✅ Guided meditations✅ Journaling prompts✅ Step-by-step exercises for parts work✅ Ancestral meditations passed down through her lineage

“These meditations were gifted to me by my ancestors on my mother’s mother’s line.” —Tamala Floyd

Begin by simply noticing your parts in everyday life.

Try this:

* When you're triggered, ask: Who’s showing up right now?

* Breathe and listen to the part without judgment.

* Gently ask: What do you want me to know?

* Thank it for trying to protect you.

This daily awareness becomes a new way of being. Healing isn't a single moment—it's a daily act of self-connection.

💬 You’re Not Broken—You’re Healing Generations

If you’re grieving and wondering why it feels so heavy, so layered—know this:

You may be holding more than one lifetime’s worth of sorrow. But you're also holding the power to heal it.

“You're not broken. You're healing generations.” —Brian D. Smith

The parts that feel unlovable, anxious, or too much are not defects. They’re protectors. They were formed to help you survive. And now, it’s time to help them rest.

Through IFS, ancestral connection, and the loving presence of your own Self—you can begin to release what no longer belongs to you.

You can return to who you were always meant to be.

🔗 Ready to Go Deeper?

🎧 Listen to the full conversation with Tamala Floyd 📘 Buy Tamala’s book Listening When Parts Speak → https://tamala-floyd.com/book🌿 Join the retreat or learn more → https://tamala-floyd.com/retreats👥 Join the Grief 2 Growth community → grief2growth.com/community📬 Subscribe on Substack → grief2growth.substack.com

🗣️ Join the Conversation

What’s one generational pattern you’ve noticed in your life—and how are you working to heal it?

Comment below or connect in our free grief support community.

We grow better together. 🌱

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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit grief2growth.substack.com/subscribe