The best way to keep your dignity intact is to communicate through your words and actions that you have self-respect. Don’t lie and say that you’ve never had a one-night stand if you have. Just be YOU. If you’re adult enough to have a one-night stand, you’re adult enough, to be honest.

If at any point you feel as though you can’t be yourself, FOLD. You are either with the wrong person or you feel like you are wrong – either way, save yourself the shame, guilt, and heartbreak. Do not proceed.

I wish that there wasn’t this reputational fear-mongering that always came with one-night stands when I was younger.

I wish I hadn’t been told that one-night stands are shameful, will make you look bad, give you a bad reputation, etc.

I wish I had just been told that if you end up in a place where you are seeking this kind of connection, all you need to do is take a step back and ask yourself WHY you want it. That’s all.

If you are doing it for the wrong reasons, you should prioritize looking for more sustainable relationships such as true, mutual friendships (with yourself first and foremost) and spend some time alone. Get to know yourself, figure out what it is you really want, and go for THAT.

Little by little, you’ll start to enjoy your own company. Soon, the thought of being alone won’t elicit emotional triggers that are so powerful, you have to chase hot and heavy moments – that ultimately, end in an even lonelier existence than before.

I was always told “Natasha, you will regret it.” “Don’t do it.” “You’ll appear slutty.”

I guess that was much easier for people to say than “just make sure you don’t have zero self-esteem and an inability to deal with your loneliness, your insecurities, your life, and yourself.”

If all of those are intact, I promise that you will feel secure in WHATEVER it is you choose to do or not do. And you won’t care what anyone else thinks because you will be unapologetically, powerfully, and confidently acting in light of your own moral compass and code – not anyone else’s.

Do I regret having one-night stands? Not at all.

And it’s not because I had them for the right reasons and didn’t mess up. It’s because I learned as a result and stopped allowing shame to define me.

What defines us is the growth and evolution from lessons learned – not the shame from acting on insecurities that we ALL feel."

– Natasha Adamo