Can someone please explain this whole “heaven” thing to me?

So when we die, we reunite with old friends and family—cool. But… which version of them? The vibrant, full-of-life version? Or the barely-there hospice version? Do kids who die young stay kids forever?

Do we all just hang out with Paul Robeson, Michael Jackson, JFK, FDR, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Toussaint Louverture, and Julius Caesar at some heavenly hangout?

And hold on…which Michael Jackson shows up—Off the Wall MJ or post-2000 MJ?

Seriously. I’ve got questions.

Heaven, as described by the legendary Ohio Players:

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