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There's something in the air right now and I can feel it. It's more than just that small dick energy I sense because I'm gay and it's more like a fresh morning dew on the ass of an overweight man who just sucked me off to completion. On one hand I'm disgusted by what I've done but on the other, I'm satisfied and ready for a nap or a sandwich. If you've never had the pleasure, I'd like to offer my sympathies to you and wish you well on your journey through life. There's truly nothing like it.

I remember one time while I was driving through Norman Oklahoma and a cowgirl was broke down on the side of the road wearing a tank top and jean shorts that left little to the imagination. I'm something of a whiz with auto mechanics so I pulled over to offer my assistance and when she turned around, it looked like someone had beat her with a bag of flaming nickles. I knew a kid like that in high school that had terrible acne and his face would ooze zit puss in study hall. Nice guy but quite the stomach turner. Kid was a helluva running back though and helped is win the state title my junior year. I think his name was Brad or Brian. Long time ago.

Anyway, this dumb bitch wasn't broken down but was waiting for someone to come to her aid and then she was going to rob them. What she didn't know was I'm a card carrying member of the fuck a bitch club. Sorta like roadside assistance but for kicking ass. Anyhoo, when she turned around with that knife and demanded my wallet, I disarmed the bitch and slammed her head against the radiator until she got knocked out. After I closed the hood with her head in it, she looked like a solid 8. I'd been on the road for hours and had a dick so hard it could cut glass so I gave her the stabbing she had planned for me. 

Pretty sure I came inside her so if you ever see some little badass about 22 years old running around Norman and calling people a retard, he's probably mine.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!