Ahoy, Motherfuckers! This fucking movie. Can I say fucking? This movie is above and beyond senselessness, and it is up to Brandon and me to decipher it. This is the first of our Video Game Movie Month, and I want my quarter back. Cultural appropriation occurs in every scene. They took a video game with the easiest video game plot ever and make a whole movie that doesn't even begin to reference the game. This movie is wretched in so many ways. Also, Abobo has a nutsack on his neck. Enjoy.

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