Looking back at 2016, breaking up with my first love felt like my whole world had broken into many pieces. I had no friends to talk to, and I had to pretend everything was fine when chatting with colleagues at work.
The emotional strain was too much. I started getting involved in chemfun. Later, during counseling, I realized I was just looking for companionship. But once the intimacy passed, the loneliness only grew deeper. On top of that, chemfun messes with your emotions, dragging your mood down even further. The final blow came when I tested positive for HIV. I completely broke down.
So, I quit my job to focus on treating my depression. I strictly followed my doctor's advice: taking my medication on time, keeping a journal of my feelings and side effects, and going for short walks downstairs whenever I had the energy. If I felt tired, I just went home.
As I slowly improved, my social worker introduced me to activities. I began interacting with people again and learned how to talk to others. Step by step, I walked out of the darkness. During this time, I learned so much. I learned to cherish things I used to take for granted—the taste of good food, the support of others, and the natural flow of emotions. I also learned to value my own life, my friends, and the little blessings in daily life.
I don't think taking psychiatric medication means you are "crazy." Medicine is just a tool. It supports your body when something goes wrong, keeping your emotions from dropping further. With this support, I could practice the coping skills taught by my social worker and psychiatrist to build my mental strength. Now, my dosage is being reduced. I can feel my stress levels, notice the signs from my body, and use different methods to calm my anxiety. I know how to ask my social worker for help when needed, and I know how to live in harmony with myself.
During a recent follow-up, my psychiatrist told me that I am much stronger than before. Facing months of unemployment and financial pressure, I haven't needed to increase my medication. In the past, I would have broken down immediately. But now, I still believe in the future and hold onto hope.
Even though I have felt very anxious and terrified about survival these past few months, I keep pushing forward. I refuse to give up. This is just a temporary low point, which is also affected by the difficult environment in Hong Kong. I must believe in my own worth. I cannot let myself be defined by a company not calling me for an interview. Of course, I still get down sometimes, but I bring myself back to the present moment. I ask myself: "What can I do for myself right now?" I try to do one small thing that makes me happy every day to break out of the cycle of anxiety and fear.
Right now, I am still adjusting to my sleep. Anxiety makes it hard to sleep, but sleeping better makes my mood much better. I also make sure to eat. Even if it's just one meal a day because stress ruins my appetite, I still need to give my body food and energy. When possible, I go out for walks in parks, by the sea, or anywhere in nature.
It has been a tough journey over these years. Give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back. You are doing amazing. You are not alone. I am here, and I will do my best to keep sharing my story. I want to accompany everyone who is currently in a dark place. I believe things will get better. Low points are only temporary. If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to others—or talk to me.
This text was translated by AI,still try my best to lean English
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