Santa Claus, Beloved Symbol, Alleged Fraudster

We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Santa Claus’s reputation — found deceased under circumstances involving wire fraud, luxury dining, and what federal prosecutors have described, with the delicacy of people who have seen everything, as “extensive renovations to a lakefront property in New Jersey.”

The accused, Stefan Pildes — president of SantaCon NYC and evidently the first man to look at a red suit and see a revenue stream — stands charged with diverting more than half of nearly $3 million in charitable donations into what can only be described as a personal North Pole slush fund.