What if those recurring thoughts about leaving your relationship aren't actually telling you to leave, but instead signaling something deeper happening in your nervous system?

In this vulnerable exploration of relationship indecision, I share my own experience of contemplating divorce "more times than I could count" over twenty years of being in a relationship affected by depression. Through this journey, I've discovered that thoughts of leaving often serve as safety signals when we're feeling trapped or powerless—not necessarily indicators that ending the relationship is what we truly want or need.

Drawing on polyvagal theory and my therapeutic experience, I unpack how our nervous system state fundamentally impacts our relationship interpretation. When we're in fight-or-flight mode or collapsed in hopelessness, connection isn't biologically possible—we're simply trying to survive. This explains why even loving partners can perceive each other as threats and why making truly conscious decisions requires learning to regulate ourselves first.

I explore the complicated role of hope in relationships where depression is present, distinguishing between wishful thinking and grounded hope based on evidence of growth. Depression's emotional withdrawal makes relationship work tremendously difficult, not from unwillingness but from a genuine inability to access connection. The path forward involves learning to recognize "microscopic progress"—those tiny shifts that accumulate toward healing but often remain invisible until they've collected momentum.

Whether you're questioning your relationship's future or supporting someone who is, this episode offers compassionate insight into making decisions that truly align with who you are and what you want. Take a step today toward greater clarity and connection—movement toward joy is possible for everyone, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.