When it comes to forgiveness, there is one principle that we often ignore to our own peril - and it has a nasty effect on our relationships. That is the foolishness of taking up the offense of others. Here is how it works: A friend of mine is wronged in some way - or more accurately, I perceive they were wronged by some individual. Because of my loyalty and relationship with them, I choose to pick up my friends' offense, holding a grudge and even anger against the one who hurt my friend. Now, not only is my friend in a position of relational discord with another, but I am as well. I am now angry with someone who did nothing to me, real or perceived.

Now think of how absurd this is. In the first place, the wrong (if it was a wrong) was not perpetuated against me. Second, I don’t even know the facts but only my friend’s version of the facts, which is, at the most, half the story. Third, I now carry unforgiveness in my heart toward another which is not a Jesus thing to do. Fourth, I have no way of resolving the issue since it was not with me in the first place and the final and most absurd thing is that when my friend forgives the one who offended him, I continue to carry around my animosity because I have no way of resolving an issue that I was not a part of.

In addition, it is not unusual for people who have taken up the offense of others to badmouth the individual or individuals they hold responsible for hurting their friends. This is nothing short of gossip since the truth is that I don’t have the facts myself and even if I did I have no license to spread bad information about another. This is doubly true when I was not involved in the first place and often the information shared in this scenario is nothing less than character assassination because it is just wrong. 

Taking up the offense of others creates relational chaos and is sin. Unfortunately, it happens all too often and many times in the church of Jesus. 

In the book of Ephesians, Paul gives us explicit instructions regarding our relationships and attitudes and actions toward one another. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” - Ephesians 4:29 - 5:2

If we live with this kind of relational clarity and cleanness toward one another, there is no room for taking up the offense of others, harboring grudges, or bad attitudes toward others. If you are harboring such an attitude in your own heart, consider Paul’s words and have the courage to let it go, repent before Jesus and forgive those you harbor animosity toward.

Father, forgive me for those times when I have taken up the offense of others and created animosity in my heart toward others. Remind me that this is not the route to relational cleanness with others and help me forgive those I hold grudges against. Amen.