These past few years, the holidays have been difficult to feel genuinely happy. My guilt takes over when I feel happy because I have family in the Philippines that I always keep in mind, who could use half the stuff I have. Especially during Christmas, I love gifts but I feel guilty receiving them, knowing family back home could use them more than me. The expectations of the holidays to be happy can be a lot when you have 10 different things on your mind. But I have to show up as the mature older sister, the fun aunt, and a role model for my moms facebook page. It's exhausting. The holidays make me feel really sad just because it brings family together and my family is thousands of miles away in Japan, Australia, Korea, and the Philippines.