Episode 13: Honesty, the only policy?

Honesty, the only policy?

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/karen-ann-kennedy/is-honesty-really-the-bes_b_6171242.html

"Honesty without kindness, humor and goodheartedness can be just mean" - Pema Chodron

- Talk about introduction and how advise needs to be properly applied. Like would you want someone to tell you that you're ugly; although beauty is in the eye of the beholder. - Talk about balance and how it's practical not just as a star wars movie plot. Extremes are never good because you're over-doing something. Most of us are taught from young to be honest. - It's worth to understand why people lie. FEAR – The world tells us that if you don't know something, you're worthless. As such, most people choose the easy way out, which is to pretend to know something. After all; con- sultants make a living out of this. Almost all of us practice this to some degree, making "fake it till you make it" something real. MANIPULATE – Now, a personal agenda is almost always a reason for lying; to influence the decisions of other people to do what the person lying wants. For example, the word "love" is probably the most over-used in lies in order to get the other person emotionally vested to serve the lying person's agenda. PRIDE – Most of us would think that we are above lying for the sake of it. But think about how often we have lied to people we love about the reality of a situation. For example, people who are not doing well normally try to project a different picture and even spend money they can't afford to spread that image. - Talk about how gambling debt was repaid- Everyone knows it's wrong to lie; we have been told about the consequences since we were young. However, all of us have tried honesty at some point or another. However, probably our approach should have been better because we misunderstood how to apply honesty. - The truth is honesty that when misused; honesty is often a veiled form of self- indulgence. This means that in a nutshell, when feelings build up, it’s frustrating to hold them in and keeping them to yourself. And, of course, it feels damn good to release them. That feel good sensation is a form of gratification. -It’s sad that our education at home and in school doesn’t include teaching us how to manage and handle our angry feelings in a safe and non-threatening manner. Since intimate relationships trigger negative feelings, this means most of us are mistreating the people we love most by lashing out and even verbally hurting those we love; all in the name of being honest.- Honesty isn’t a policy, it’s a value! Honesty needs to co-exist with other values. Values such as compassion, kindness, being positive, etc. It would definitely be honest of you to put down someone's lack of talent at something, for example your kid's drawing; but is it kind and helpful? How about being honest that your wife's put on some weight over the years and that she would look huge in that dress? Is it compassionate? Is your comment useful? - Honesty is a sought-after value, but so is common sense. And just like everything else, common sense needs to be applied when deciding when and where to be honest. Just like there are people who lie to advance their own agenda, so too are there people who apply honesty, truth, fairness, and equality on their terms. There's a right time for everything, so it is the same with honesty.- If there's a need to be honest, take some time off away to evaluate whether or not it'll be kind and useful for the other person. Do not be honest in anger and make sure that there are no unresolved issues that could feed the fire and trigger the honest outburst.- Also; honesty needs to go hand-in-hand with communication. You need to build up the relationship, then apply honesty as a value you use to express your thoughts but not at the expense of the other person's feelings.