In this captivating episode, actress/singer-songwriter Jillian Shea Spaeder candidly speaks about her battle with anorexia and its impact on her mental health. If you are suffering from an eating disorder, know NAMI’s HelpLine can be reached weekdays, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m. ET at 800-950-6264. You can also text “helpline” to 62640, or find someone to chat with on their website.  The National Alliance for Eating Disorders can be reached weekdays from 9 a.m. – 7 p.m. ET at 1-866-662-1235. 

“I couldn’t keep up with things,” says Jillian, known for her work on Disney’s “Walk the Prank” and “Godmothered.”  “I couldn’t make sentences. I couldn’t write. There was no creativity. I just was, like, dead basically.” 

“So if I’m choosing between being a cool human being,” Jillian adds, “who’s fun to be around and who enjoys her life, and who’s happy and successful, or being skinny, I’m obviously going to choose the other one.”

While in treatment in 2022, Jillian wrote a short film, “The Noise,” that depicts her unrelenting inner voice that told her she was nothing.

“I think a lot of the representation out there and a lot of the media tends to just talk about, the body issues and the physical issues that come from eating disorders,” Jillian says, “and nobody ever really talks about the mental aspect of it.”

Listen to the episode now to learn how Jillian has been able to silence the noise.  

In this episode:

2:01 Jillian’s start in the entertainment industry

3:08 Her battle with anorexia inspires her short film, “The Noise,” which conveys the mental anguish she experienced: “It felt like a mental battle.” 

5:15 Show business warps Jillian’s perception of what’s normal: “It’s a very yay, self-love but there’s no self love kind of industry.”  

7:10 The depths of Jillian’s illness: “I would wake up, lay around, didn’t have energy to talk, didn’t have energy to move but would force myself to go to the gym for hours…”

9:46 Jillian enters treatment and gives insight to the valuable realizations she discovered: “It’s taken a lot of time, but I’m starting to distance myself from my need to be successful because it’s so out of my control.” 

13:08 Jillian reveals her relationship with food and her body and mind today: “Food, I’m treating it like a joy." 

15:22 Jillian’s advice for the hard days and those with an eating disorder: “Just try as hard as you can to keep the eye on the prize.”

More:

Jillian’s short film, “The Noise, is available to watch on her YouTube channel. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok. 

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