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How Co-Dependency Damaged my Marriage | Ep #3
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THE STORY: I was 18 years old and about to graduate. A boy I had a crush on my entire year, asked me out in April of our senior year! We began to date and my inner dialogue was, “Oh wow! I can’t believe he likes me!” “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he’s my date for the prom!” Not once did I think he might be lucky to be dating me.
Throughout the next four years, our relationship went through a lot of ups and downs so I kept working on how to be enough. How to be better. How to be worthy of his love. We got engaged and married after we graduated from college. Four years of marriage and two children later, I discovered that I had lost myself. I had forgotten who I was. I was so much less than who I had been when he first asked me out. I was so committed to my marriage I was willing to give up anything about myself that might not be met with approval by others. I let my co-dependency override my identity. I allowed myself to become so unhealthy within that relationship that it had no chance. And our marriage ended.
It took a lot of work to learn what parts of myself contributed to the end of that relationship. I had to pull myself out of shame cycles over and over. In the midst of bad things happening, it’s very hard to see the blessing or gift in the pain. But the growth and healing in the valleys of our life give us an opportunity to be more. To rise from being a victim of unforeseen circumstances and step into a stronger, more courageous person. Our pain can be so blinding, and it often prevents us from finding the wisdom and grace that is in that space at the very same time.
Give yourself a place to heal from a broken relationship. Give yourself the love and grace you need to heal. But learn to love yourself as much as you love others. Don’t think you’re being selfish or self-centered when you take care of yourself. For me, I didn’t learn to take care of my own needs… but began to define my okay-ness as “I’m okay when those around me are okay.”
The key to being capable of feeling the depth of our pain is trusting yourself enough to be okay even in the midst of falling apart.
Support the show
With Love, Jenny is a space for healing stories that nurture human connection, inspire emotional wellness, and encourage personal transformation. Each episode shares real experiences of resilience to remind you that you are never alone on your journey.
Let's Connect!
Website: www.jennyaiello.com
Instagram: @wholehearted_coaching
Facebook: Jenny Aiello - Wholehearted Coaching
Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!
© 2023 - 2025 Jenny Aiello
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By Jenny AielloSend us a text
THE STORY: I was 18 years old and about to graduate. A boy I had a crush on my entire year, asked me out in April of our senior year! We began to date and my inner dialogue was, “Oh wow! I can’t believe he likes me!” “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he’s my date for the prom!” Not once did I think he might be lucky to be dating me.
Throughout the next four years, our relationship went through a lot of ups and downs so I kept working on how to be enough. How to be better. How to be worthy of his love. We got engaged and married after we graduated from college. Four years of marriage and two children later, I discovered that I had lost myself. I had forgotten who I was. I was so much less than who I had been when he first asked me out. I was so committed to my marriage I was willing to give up anything about myself that might not be met with approval by others. I let my co-dependency override my identity. I allowed myself to become so unhealthy within that relationship that it had no chance. And our marriage ended.
It took a lot of work to learn what parts of myself contributed to the end of that relationship. I had to pull myself out of shame cycles over and over. In the midst of bad things happening, it’s very hard to see the blessing or gift in the pain. But the growth and healing in the valleys of our life give us an opportunity to be more. To rise from being a victim of unforeseen circumstances and step into a stronger, more courageous person. Our pain can be so blinding, and it often prevents us from finding the wisdom and grace that is in that space at the very same time.
Give yourself a place to heal from a broken relationship. Give yourself the love and grace you need to heal. But learn to love yourself as much as you love others. Don’t think you’re being selfish or self-centered when you take care of yourself. For me, I didn’t learn to take care of my own needs… but began to define my okay-ness as “I’m okay when those around me are okay.”
The key to being capable of feeling the depth of our pain is trusting yourself enough to be okay even in the midst of falling apart.
Support the show
With Love, Jenny is a space for healing stories that nurture human connection, inspire emotional wellness, and encourage personal transformation. Each episode shares real experiences of resilience to remind you that you are never alone on your journey.
Let's Connect!
Website: www.jennyaiello.com
Instagram: @wholehearted_coaching
Facebook: Jenny Aiello - Wholehearted Coaching
Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!
© 2023 - 2025 Jenny Aiello