As a culture, we often struggle to hold grief and joy in both hands. But positive and negative emotions don't cancel each other out, and it's okay to feel both at the same time. Someone said to me in the early days of grief, "Joy and sadness often run side by side. It's not one or the other, but both simultaneously. The key to joyful living," she explained, "is where you focus. It's not that you deny your grief or disappointment, but how much space you give it. There are always some things for which we can be grateful."

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