Laura Cathcart Robbins’ story is for anyone who has ever felt like they had to bury who they really are to be seen, loved, and accepted. She has written about her recovery in her memoir, “Stash: My Life in Hiding,” and candidly shares her experience in this episode of Hears How. 

Laura and her husband welcomed two sons in consecutive years. They were energetic little boys, who slept as long as Laura cradled them in her arms. When they got a little bit older, the children went to an elite private school, which tapped Laura as president of its parents’ association. From the outside, her family had everything to be envious of.

"We had all the things that people thought, ‘If I had that, I would be happy,’” Laura says. “They looked at us, including me at the time, and thought they have it all together. This is the goal,” and Laura, “worked hard to keep up that facade. 

“The only thing I really cared about, really cared about was my connection to my children,” she continues. “But in order for me to do anything, I needed the Ambien and the booze. I had to wash it down with booze in order to get it to be as effective as I needed it to be.”

When Laura was first prescribed Ambien in 2002, it gave her, “the best sleep of my life,” she says. “I woke up the next morning full of energy. I can be the fun mom and, ‘Let’s go to the pumpkin patch,’ and let's do all the things that I would be dragging myself to normally.”

“I think that the addiction probably wouldn't have come into play if I weren't so separated from who I am authentically,” she assesses. “By the time I had my kids and was physically just kind of devastated by the lack of sleep and by the kids who wanted my attention all the time, I think I was ripe for an addiction. And because I have this front that I like to keep up, I'm not great at asking for help.”

In this episode:

1:26: How Laura’s desire to be the perfect mom and wife resulted in silent suffering and anxiety-fueled insomnia

2:54: The start of an addiction and her life in hiding

7:04: How being disconnected from her authentic self made her vulnerable to addiction

9:26: The breaking point: When Laura knew she had to make a change

13:23: Her difficult time in treatment where she met her “person”

15:47: The moment she realized she wanted sobriety

18:56: What has aided her recovery

20:39: Laura’s message to those impacted by addiction

22:50: How to recognize the signs in your own life

23:57: Laura’s “biggest lesson” from recovery
 

More:

For more about Laura’s recovery, read “Stash: My Life in Hiding.”

You can also follow her podcast, The Only One in the Room.

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Note: This episode discusses addiction, withdrawal, and recovery. Please take care while listening.

If you or someone you love is struggling, help is available.

Contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit the organization online. 

You may also find the websites for Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Al-Anon to be helpful.