Barsh, Joanna and Susie Cranston. How Remarkable Women Lead. New York: Crown Business, 2009.

I learned how they used their strengths, their optimism, their sense of belonging, their power, and their energy to prevail in service of a purpose.

I shifted from focusing only on my deficits to building on strength. I practiced reciprocity--and gained a powerful feeling of belonging. I took charge of my fears by reframing setbacks as opportunities and I went after them.

When the leader--or the parent--pauses, she not only gives herself a chance to really listen, she gives her team permission to go ahead and solve the problem.

Centered Leadership doesn't make adversity go away and it doesn't make life sunnier and more fun than it is in reality. What it does is help each of us become aware of our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions--extending our range of responses that make the difference between seizing the day and hiding from it.

Imagine a world with women and men leaders who are vulnerable and powerful, empathic and self-aware, grounded and connected--leaders equipped to address the enormous challenges of complexity, volatility, and increasing pace of change.

At its core were deep emotional connections: to work, to personal meaning and mission, to achievement, to nurturing instincts, and to a strong feeling of belonging. To joy.

You'll know when your passions are engaged, because you'll feel your heart race. You'll know when you've found activities that engage you and build on your strengths, because you'll look forward to them with anticipation. And you'll know when you've discovered your purpose, because it will just feel right.

Simply deploying your strengths in activities you choose out of interest will get you to a deeper satisfaction. That's engagement and it's good in and of itself.

Purpose is what drives you. It's the source of your inspiration and the compass that guides your way to making a difference, and at the same time, to the deepest level of happiness.

…it's not just about the goal but about the journey toward it. The journey toward your goal provides happiness and meaning--more than actually reaching the goal ever can.

Still, you do have to protect yourself. You have to be sane. You have to be strong and healthy.

But it's not about whether they love you. They just want to achieve.

Most problems can be solved if we ensure that the right people with the right ideas are allowed to solve them.

"If there is one common theme around how we managed it, it's about communicating. By talking with everyone all the time, we were able to find solutions."

Disputation involves re-examining the situation and consciously separating how you experienced the incident emotionally from what actually happened. Start by refuting the emotional distortions the way a good lawyer would break down faulty evidence. Challenge the beliefs and assumptions implicit in your negative interpretation and re-examine the facts. Then try to understand the consequences of those beliefs. Finally, reframe: Take the undistorted facts and look at what you can do with them. How can you move ahead and address the real issues? Reframing and moving to action will energize you.

So, when stuff happens, remember to take time for a healthy distraction. You'll not only feel better, but you may find a creative solution to what seems like an intractable problem. A break often leads to a breakthrough, when relief from stress allows your subconscious mind to relax and mull over the problem. And sometimes, you just need to move on. Displacement gives you the distance you need to be able to make that tough call, too.

You don't have to find the impossible compromise that makes everybody happy.