Pain can break us. Numb us. Control us. But what if pain is also one of the forces that changes us?

In the first episode of our new series Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father, I sit down with Dan Olschwang to explore one of the deepest questions I wish I could have asked my father:

Why do we experience pain?

This conversation goes far beyond physical pain.

We talk about emotional suffering, childhood experiences, addiction and numbing, fear, anxiety, the stories we attach to painful experiences, why people stay trapped in familiar forms of suffering, and whether pain can ultimately become a pathway toward growth, freedom and purpose.

Dan also opens up about experiencing anxiety and emotional struggles even while appearing successful on the outside, and how confronting his own pain changed the way he lived, parented and ultimately helped others.

We explore questions including:

• Why does pain exist?

• Is suffering an unavoidable part of being human?

• Why can the same experience devastate one person and barely affect another?

• What happens when we numb pain instead of facing it?

• Can our relationship with pain actually change the experience?

• How does unresolved pain influence fear, anger and our reactions?

• Why do people stay inside pain that is familiar rather than face the unknown?

• Can pain become part of our purpose?

This is Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father — a series built around the questions about life, meaning, relationships, fear, purpose and the human experience that so many of us never had the opportunity to ask.

If there is a conversation you wish you could have had with your father, leave the question in the comments. It may become a future episode.

Subscribe and join us for a new conversation every Wednesday.

Learn more about Dan Olschwang: https://www.danolschwang.com

Join Carlos Vasquez on Substack for weekly reflections on transformation, leadership, purpose and the human experience: https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

CHAPTERS

00:00 Pain is part of the human experience

01:20 The conversations I wish I had with my father

05:00 What is pain — and why do we experience it?

10:00 Pain as a change agent

15:00 Is suffering unavoidable?

20:00 Why our interpretation changes pain

25:00 Numbing pain: drugs, addiction and avoidance

35:00 Can we transcend pain?

40:00 Separating the signal from our reaction

45:00 Teaching children not to fear discomfort

50:00 Emotional pain, energy and the body

65:00 Dan's story: success, anxiety and healing

75:00 When your pain prepares you to help others

80:00 Pain can become strength — or a prison

85:00 Pain, reaction and free will

90:00 How pain becomes fear, anger and grief

95:00 What is the purpose of pain?

100:00 Why we stay inside familiar pain

105:00 Presence in a distracted world

110:00 Final reflections

#Pain #Healing #PersonalGrowth #CIWIHWMF #ConversationsIWishIHadWithMyFather #HowToBattle

Five years ago, I walked out of prison after serving 17 years.

I had $200 in gate money. No real work history. No understanding of the world I was walking back into. And almost everything about my past seemed to tell employers one thing:

Don’t take a chance on this guy.

In this solo episode I wanted to take you back to those first days of freedom and explain how my life went from starting over with almost nothing to writing books, building businesses, speaking around the country, launching the How To Battle Podcast, and creating work that I genuinely believe I was meant to do.

But this episode isn’t really about accomplishments. It’s about what happens when life forces you to make a decision: Are you going to allow your circumstances to define you, or are you going to bet on yourself?

My first four job applications were rejected. Not because I couldn’t work.

Because of my past.

My tattoos.

My former gang affiliation.

Seventeen years of incarceration.

No traditional work experience.

And very little formal education that employers recognized.

Those rejections became a turning point.

Instead of waiting for someone else to give me permission to build a life, I decided to learn how to create one.

That led me into entrepreneurship.

Then writing.

Then speaking.

Then podcasting.

And eventually into the businesses and projects I’m building today.

In this episode, I also share the story behind the How To Battle Podcast and why its roots actually go back to the men I worked with inside prison every Tuesday in the chapel.

I saw firsthand what happens when someone finally feels safe enough to tell the truth about their life. Telling your story can heal you. It can teach you. And it can help someone listening realize that they are not alone.

That belief became the foundation of How To Battle.

And now, as we approach Episode 100, the podcast is evolving again.

I also introduce a new series I’ve been developing with my mentor, coach, friend and brother Dan:

Conversations I Wish I Had With My Father.

My father left when I was young.

For years, I carried anger, resentment and bitterness toward him.

Eventually, through doing my own healing work, I reached a place where I could sit across from him and ask the questions I had carried with me for most of my life.

That experience changed me.

And it made me realize how many people are carrying questions they wish they could ask their own fathers.

Questions about fear.

Love.

Death.

Resentment.

Relationships.

Accountability.

Authenticity.

Purpose.

And what it actually means to become a man.

This new series is about creating space for those conversations.

I’m five years into freedom.

And I’m still learning.

Still healing.

Still building.

Still becoming.

If you’re starting over, whether you’re coming home from prison, rebuilding after failure, changing careers, healing from your past, or simply realizing that your old life no longer fits you, I hope this episode reminds you that your beginning does not determine your ending.

Sometimes the moment nobody wants to give you a chance is the moment you finally learn to give yourself one.

Subscribe to the How To Battle Podcast and let me know in the comments: What is one conversation you wish you could have had with your father?

#HowToBattle #HowToBattlePodcast #CarlosVasquez #PrisonToPurpose #SecondChances #CarlosUnfiltered

For much of her childhood, Kym Chartrand wanted one thing:

To be invisible.

She grew up inside a volatile home, experienced sexual abuse by her stepfather, watched her mother struggle with alcohol, helped raise her younger brothers, and learned very early that speaking the truth could come with consequences.

So she became quiet. She tried not to be noticed.

She carried things a child should never have been asked to carry.

In this deeply personal episode of the How To Battle Podcast, Kym shares parts of her story publicly for the first time.

She talks about the childhood moment when she sensed something was wrong, the betrayal she experienced after disclosing abuse, the day she finally stood up to her stepfather, and how she slowly began discovering a voice that had been buried for years.

But the story doesn't end with childhood. Kym also opens up about her younger brother Nicholas, a boy she loved and cared for almost like a son.

After a difficult childhood, placement homes, incarceration, and struggles trying to rebuild his life, Nicholas was later killed following a police pursuit. For everyone else, it became a news story. For Kym, it was her brother.

His death broke something inside her.

She describes the isolation of grieving someone whose life others reduced to labels, headlines, or assumptions, and the pain of realizing that many people never stopped to see the child and human being underneath the story.

Eventually, Kym began returning to the thing that had always helped her make sense of the world: Writing. She began writing from other people's perspectives.

She wrote about her childhood. She began imagining telling her brother's story alongside her own. She explored grief and death by working as a death doula. And eventually, she made another decision:

She wanted to live.

She bought a boat, learned how to navigate it, spent time on the water, surrounded herself with nature, and began discovering that healing could also include beauty, adventure, laughter, creativity, and service.

Today, Kym wants to use what she has survived to empower girls and young people so that trauma never becomes the final definition of who they are.

This conversation is not about defining a person by what happened to them.

It is about acknowledging what happened, and then meeting the person who exists on the other side of it. Sometimes healing isn't forgetting your former self.

Sometimes healing is introducing that former version of you to the person you've become.

Connect with Kym

https://www.instagram.com/kymchartrand

Connect with Carlos

https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial

Follow How To Battle Podcast

https://www.instagram.com/howtobattlepodcast

Learn more about Pathway to Purpose Project https://www.instagram.com/pathway2purposeproject

#CarlosVasquez#HowToBattle#HowToBattlePodcast#FindingYourVoice #TraumaHealing #Grief

He was literally born in prison.

Before the age of 13, Devonric aka Coach DD, had already experienced severe poverty, physical and emotional abuse, homelessness, gang involvement, and a childhood that forced him to grow up far too quickly.

But somewhere inside him was a belief:

I will not become a product of my environment.

In this episode, Carlos sits down with DD for an extraordinary conversation about resilience, identity, football, loss, mentorship, adoption, brain injury, purpose, fitness, grief, and the people who can completely change the trajectory of a child’s life.

At 13, Devonric’s life changed when a friend and his family discovered how he was actually living and gave him a home.

From there, he became an exceptional student and athlete, earned a scholarship to SMU, and began attracting attention from NFL teams.

Football was more than a game.

It was his identity.

It was his outlet.

It was the future he had visualized for years.

Then three concussions in three weeks changed everything. Devonric developed post-concussion syndrome, experienced serious memory problems, lost the photographic memory that had helped make him an exceptional student, and was told that he could no longer play football.

His NFL dream was gone.

But his life wasn't.

◼️ What it actually means when Devonric says he was “born in prison”

◼️ Growing up with addiction, poverty, abuse, homelessness and gang involvement

◼️ Whether resilience is learned—or something some people are born with

◼️ Refusing to become a product of your environment

◼️ Being taken in by another family at 13

◼️ The friend who became Devonric’s first hero

◼️ Why one caring adult can completely change a child’s trajectory

◼️ Becoming a standout student and college football player

◼️ Having NFL teams scout him in college

◼️ Three concussions in three weeks

◼️ The diagnosis that ended his football career

◼️ Relearning how to learn

◼️ How acting became part of rebuilding his brain

◼️ Going from college football to modeling around the world

◼️ Moving to Los Angeles and building a career in fitness

◼️ Losing his father and redefining his purpose

◼️ Why Devonric now wants to help as many people as possible

◼️ His TED Talk and the meaning behind H.E.R.O.: Heart, Empowerment, Respect and Opportunity

◼️ What foster and system-impacted children actually need from adults

◼️ Why trust must be earned before a child will open up

◼️ Turning a dream into actionable daily steps

◼️ Why motivation and consistency are not enough

◼️ Living with dignity regardless of where life takes you

Devonric

https://www.instagram.com/fitbydevonric

https://beacons.ai/fitbydevonric

Carlos

https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial

https://carlosvasquezofficial.com

https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

Thank you Legendary Foods

https://www.eatlegendary.com/

#CarlosVasquez #HowToBattle #HowToBattlePodcast #BornInPrison #Resilience #AgainstAllOdds

What happens when you finally achieve the success you spent your entire life chasing and still feel empty?

In this episode of the How To Battle Podcast, Carlos sits down with Alejandro Zavala for a raw conversation about prison, addiction, fatherhood, financial success, healing, filmmaking, purpose, and the ability to completely reinvent your life.

Alejandro grew up in Central California surrounded by gangs, drugs, limited opportunities, and the belief that the world in front of him was the only world available.

That path eventually led to incarceration, addiction, legal battles, and years of trying to survive.

But his story did not end there.

After confronting his past, Alejandro began deliberately creating new versions of himself. He studied the people he wanted to become, learned how they spoke and operated, entered the legal world, built financial success, became sober, wrote his story, and eventually entered filmmaking.

Then something unexpected happened.

He got the money.

The houses.

The cars.

The success he had spent years chasing.

And he still felt empty.

That realization forced him to ask a different question:

What actually makes a life meaningful?

If this conversation resonates with you, subscribe to the How To Battle Podcast and share it with someone who needs to remember that their past does not have to become their future.

👉 Follow and learn more about Alejandro

https://www.instagram.com/officialalejandrozavala

https://www.realonesmovement.com

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm17500849

👉 Subscribe for weekly insights

https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial

https://carlosvasquezofficial.com

Thank you to our sponsors:

Legendary Foods

https://www.eatlegendary.com/

#PrisonToPurpose #Transformation #SecondChances #CarlosVasquez #HowToBattle #HowToBattlePodcast

What if some of the most painful moments of your life are actually doorways into something deeper?

In this episode Carlos and Shirin explore presence, suffering, success, inner peace, and a powerful idea inspired by a recent intimate conversation with spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle.

The discussion begins with a provocative idea: people who experience profound loss may sometimes gain access to a level of presence that people experiencing constant success never discover. Why? Because success can keep us chasing.

The next accomplishment.

The next deal.

The next relationship.

The next milestone.

But suffering can bring everything to a sudden stop.

Carlos and Shirin share how pain forced each of them inward and ultimately changed the way they experience life.

Carlos reflects on finding profound peace while in solitary confinement, while Shirin describes her own journey through years of hidden suffering despite appearing successful on the outside.

They also explore meditation, nature, solitude, psychedelics, mindfulness, and practical ways ordinary people can begin experiencing more presence in daily life.

The conversation ultimately asks a much bigger question:

Are you actually at peace—or have you simply become very successful at distracting yourself?

Presence isn't about escaping your life. It's about finally being completely inside it.

If this episode resonates with you, subscribe to the How To Battle Podcast and share it with someone who may be going through a difficult season.

Sometimes the thing that feels like it is breaking your life apart may ultimately become the doorway to an entirely different way of experiencing it.

👉 Follow Carlos Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial Website: https://carlosvasquezofficial.com

👉 Follow Shirin Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shirinhejaziofficial

👉 Subscribe for weekly insights: https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

👉 Books by Carlos Vasquez:

The PRICE Method: How I Turned Pain into Purpose https://thepricemethodbook.com/

The Leader’s PRICE: Human-Centered Leadership in the Age of AI

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GYXQ1H1F

Thank you to our sponsor:

Legendary Foods https://www.eatlegendary.com/

#PersonalDevelopment #CarlosVasquez #ShirinHejazi #HowToBattle #CarlosUnfiltered #Presence #InnerPeace #EckhartTolle

What if giving to others could change your life just as much as it changes theirs?

In this episode of Carlos Unfiltered, Carlos and Shirin explore the true power of generosity, what it means to give from the heart, how intention changes the impact of what we offer, and why some of life’s greatest returns cannot be measured in money, recognition, or immediate results.

They examine the difference between genuine service and giving for approval, reputation, or ego. Is an act of generosity still meaningful if the giver wants recognition? Is it wrong to feel good after helping someone? And should every donation be accepted, regardless of where the money came from?

Carlos shares how serving men inside prison ultimately changed the direction of his own life. After leaving solitary confinement, he spent years creating groups, preparing lessons, bringing food, and giving his time without expecting anything in return. Over time, unexpected opportunities appeared, laws changed, educational programs became available, and his sentence was reduced.

Shirin shares how giving helped her move beyond external success, anxiety, and emptiness—and how serving foster youth eventually led her to Carlos and became part of the foundation of their relationship.

Together, they also share the origin of the Pathway to Purpose Project, their nonprofit created to give underserved, foster, and system-impacted youth access to mentorship, healing experiences, education, and opportunities beyond their immediate environments.

In this episode:

◼️ The difference between giving from the heart and giving from the ego

◼️ Why intention matters more than recognition

◼️ Whether generosity is still valuable when someone wants credit

◼️ Why Carlos would refuse certain donations

◼️ How receiving can be just as difficult as giving

◼️ The emotional meaning behind a deeply personal Christmas gift

◼️ How Carlos’ years of service inside prison changed his future

◼️ Why the return on generosity cannot always be measured

◼️ How volunteering transformed Shirin’s life

◼️ Why feeling good after giving is not necessarily selfish

◼️ The origin story of the Pathway to Purpose Project

◼️ Why mentorship and meaningful experiences matter for underserved youth

◼️ How anyone can begin giving—even without money

If this episode inspired you, share it with someone who believes in service, generosity, mentorship, or creating opportunities for young people.

👉 Learn more about the Pathway to Purpose Project: Website: https://p2p-project.org Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pathway2purposeproject

👉 Follow Carlos Vasquez: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial Website: https://carlosvasquezofficial.com

👉 Follow Shirin Hejazi: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shirinhejaziofficial

👉 Subscribe for weekly insights: https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

Thank you to our sponsors: Legendary Foods https://www.eatlegendary.com/

#PowerOfGiving #GivingBack #HelpingOthers #HowToBattle #HowToBattlePodcast #CarlosUnfiltered

At only 10 years old, Martha Trujillo entered a gang, began using crystal meth, experienced foster care, and searched for safety in the one place that seemed to accept her, the streets.

But Martha’s story did not end there.

In this powerful episode of the How To Battle Podcast, Martha shares how childhood abuse, housing instability, family trauma, foster care, addiction, and gang involvement shaped her early life. She explains why the streets can feel safer than home to a wounded child, and why society often labels children as criminals without first asking what happened to them.

Martha also shares the turning point that changed her life, the role motherhood and education played in her transformation, and how she became the founder of Full Circle Orange County, an organization supporting foster youth, probation-involved youth, and other vulnerable young people through mentorship, community, and education.

Carlos and Martha explore the controversial but important idea of gang trafficking: If children cannot legally consent to other forms of exploitation, should society treat their recruitment into gangs as a voluntary decision?

This conversation challenges us to look beneath a young person’s behavior and recognize the fear, trauma, need for belonging, and desire for protection underneath it.

In this episode

◼️ Why Martha entered a gang and began using drugs at 10 years old

◼️ How childhood abuse and instability pushed her toward the streets

◼️ Why gangs can provide wounded children with belonging, identity, and protection

◼️ The traumatic experience of entering foster care

◼️ Why children in pain are often criminalized instead of supported

◼️ How journaling helped Martha survive and understand her life

◼️ The night she asked God to help her escape addiction

◼️ How becoming a mother changed the direction of her life

◼️ Why Martha believes there is no such thing as a bad child

◼️ The mission behind Full Circle Orange County

◼️ Why gang recruitment may be a form of child exploitation

◼️ The importance of mentorship, education, community, and consistent adults

◼️ Why you cannot plant a seed until you prepare the soil

◼️ How one caring adult can change the trajectory of a child’s life

If this conversation moved you, subscribe to the channel and share it with someone who works with young people, foster youth, families, schools, or system-impacted communities.

👉 Martha:

https://www.instagram.com/fullcircle_orangecounty

https://fullcircleorangecounty.org/

https://www.lucidjournal.org/issue-4/my-foolish-life

https://newsroom.ocde.us/former-fullerton-student-overcomes-odds-to-promote-from-nicolas-jr-high/

👉 Carlos:

https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial

https://carlosvasquezofficial.com

https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

Thank you to our sponsor: Legendary Foods https://www.eatlegendary.com/

Healing isn't about pretending the past never happened. It's about releasing the pain that's still controlling your life.

In this episode of Carlos Unfiltered, Carlos and Shirin explore what healing actually means, why so many people stay trapped by childhood wounds, trauma, resentment, anxiety, and fear, and how true freedom begins when you're willing to confront what you've been avoiding.

Carlos shares how three years in solitary confinement became the beginning of his own healing journey, while Shirin opens up about her struggle with anxiety, depression, and the path that transformed her life.

Together, they discuss the role of solitude, self-awareness, forgiveness, consciousness, and why healing isn't about becoming someone new—it's about returning to who you've always been. If you've ever felt stuck in your past, overwhelmed by emotional pain, or wondered if peace is really possible, this conversation is for you.

In this episode:

◼️ What healing actually means—and why most people misunderstand it

◼️ How childhood trauma shapes the way we experience life

◼️ Why bitterness, resentment, and regret keep us emotionally trapped

◼️ Carlos' transformation during three years in solitary confinement

◼️ Shirin's journey through anxiety, depression, and emotional healing

◼️ The role of solitude, consciousness, and self-awareness in transformation

◼️ Why true freedom begins by facing what scares you most

◼️ How to move from surviving life to living with peace, purpose, and meaning

If this episode resonated with you, like, subscribe, and share it with someone who's carrying pain they no longer have to carry. Your support helps us continue bringing meaningful conversations to the world.

👉 Follow Carlos & Shirin: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial https://www.instagram.com/shirinhejaziofficial

👉 Subscribe for weekly insights: https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

👉 New Books: The PRICE Method: How I Turned Pain into Purpose https://thepricemethodbook.com/

The Leader's PRICE: Human-Centered Leadership in the Age of AI https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GYXQ1H1F

Thank you to our sponsors for their support!

Legendary Foods – Protein Snacks https://www.eatlegendary.com/

#Healing #TraumaHealing #MentalHealth #SelfHealing #InnerPeace #PersonalGrowth #Mindset #Consciousness #EmotionalHealing #Transformation #SelfAwareness #Purpose #CarlosVasquez #HowToBattle #HealingJourney

Most men are never taught what it truly means to become a strong, grounded, respected man.

In this episode of Carlos Unfiltered, Carlos shares the powerful lessons behind his book Warrior in the Garden: 7 Rules for Men—written from the perspective of someone who spent 17 years in prison, rebuilt his life from nothing, and discovered timeless principles that apply to every man, regardless of his past.

Carlos explains why earning respect is more valuable than demanding it, how solitude can transform your life, why hard work remains one of the greatest advantages anyone can develop, and how becoming the best version of yourself starts long before success arrives.

Whether you're a young man searching for direction, a father raising sons, or simply someone committed to personal growth, this conversation offers practical wisdom for building a meaningful life.

In this episode:

◼️ Why every man must earn respect—not expect it

◼️ The surprising lessons prison taught about discipline and character

◼️ How hard work creates confidence and opens unexpected doors

◼️ Why solitude is essential for growth, clarity, and self-mastery

◼️ The hidden power of self-respect and personal responsibility

◼️ How to become the kind of man others naturally trust and follow

If this episode resonated with you, like, subscribe, and share it with someone who is becoming the man they're capable of being. Your support helps us continue bringing meaningful conversations to the world.

👉 Follow Carlos & Shirin: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carlosvasquezofficial https://www.instagram.com/shirinhejaziofficial

👉 Subscribe for weekly insights: https://substack.com/@carlosvasquezofficial

👉 New Books: The PRICE Method: How I Turned Pain into Purpose https://thepricemethodbook.com/

The Leader's PRICE: Human-Centered Leadership in the Age of AI https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GYXQ1H1F

Thank you to our sponsors for their support!

Legendary Foods – Protein Snacks https://www.eatlegendary.com/

#Masculinity #SelfDiscipline #PersonalDevelopment #MensMentalHealth #Leadership #SelfRespect #Purpose #Mindset #Discipline #Success #SelfImprovement #MensGrowth #WarriorInTheGarden #CarlosVasquez #HowToBattle