You think you need an environment that’s 100% nurturing.

No, that’s not true. You’re more resilient than that.

Sure, it can’t be 0%, but it doesn’t have to be 100%.

That’s an idealistic fantasy. You can’t have 100% nurturing.

What you need is exposure.

You need to face your fears.

You need to do scary things.

They don’t have to be big, but they have to be scary.

Whatever nurturing environment you need is only a container for the exposure.

The exposure is the thing.

You should watch the movie Top Gun. Also watch the sequel.

He cured his trauma by getting back up in the air ASAP.

You think that’s too harsh.

No.

The way you’re looking at “trauma” is backwards.

According to you, trauma is the anxiety, the flashbacks, the guilt, the trouble sleeping, the lack of concentration. Any of these physical symptoms. Emotional symptoms.

No, that’s not trauma.

Trauma is when you lose the ability to fly.

When you learn “flying is bad” and you quit flying.

When that happens, your life gets smaller. Something you used to love is now off the table. Forever.

That’s what they were fixing when they sent him back up. They were fixing trauma. They weren’t trying to make him “feel better”.

As for the rest of the symptoms: the anxiety, the flashbacks, the guilt, the trouble sleeping, the lack of concentration….they’re not going away. The only thing you can do is accept them.

Whatever. Doesn’t matter. You’re bigger than they are.

But you’re not bigger if your life literally gets smaller.

—Michael

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