Kwame Christian: Negotiate Anything
Kwame Christian is a business lawyer and the Director of the American Negotiation Institute. His TEDx Talk, Finding Confidence in Conflict, was the most popular TED Talk on the topic of conflict of 2017.

Today, he’s working extensively with procurement departments within companies to help them make better deals. Kwame hosts the top negotiation podcast, Negotiate Anything and is the author of the book Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life*.
Key Points
Three points to the breakdown of communication:

 	The Frame (the storyline)
 	The Pace (how fast)
 	The Direction (what issues you’re talking about)

Three steps of compassionate curiosity:

 	Acknowledging emotions
 	Getting curious with compassion
 	Joint problem solving

Resources Mentioned

 	Kwame’s Negotiation guide
 	Negotiate Anything podcast by Kwame Christian
 	Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life* by Kwame Christian
 	Anchoring episode on Negotiate Anything

Book Notes
Download my highlights from Finding Confidence in Conflict in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 	Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, with Chris Voss (episode 262)
 	Negotiation Tactics for Results, with Kwame Christian (episode 311)
 	Have Conversations That Matter, with Celeste Headlee (episode 344)

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380: How to Find Confidence in Conflict, with Kwame Christian

Leaders aren’t born, they’re made. This Monday show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations. Independently produced weekly since 2011, Dr. Dave Stachowiak brings perspective from a thriving, global leadership academy, plus more than 15 years of leadership at Dale Carnegie. Bestselling authors, expert researchers, deep conversation, and regular dialogue with listeners have attracted 40 million downloads and the #1 search result for management on Apple Podcasts. Activate your FREE membership to search the entire episode library by topic at CoachingforLeaders.com

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Jeff Wetzler: Ask
Jeff Wetzler is co-CEO of Transcend, a nationally recognized innovation organization, and an expert in learning and human potential. His experience spans 25+ years in business and education, as a management consultant to top corporations, a learning facilitator for leaders, and as Chief Learning Officer at Teach For America.

He is a member of the Aspen Global Leadership Network and is an Edmund Hillary Fellow. Jeff is the author of Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life*.

Leaders are not the only people who need to have difficult conversations in the workplace. Yet, leaders set the tone for how much people are willing and able to talk about hard things. In this episode, Jeff and I discuss how leaders can make it easier for those important conversations to happen.
Key Points

 	In one study of managers, most people admitted to remaining silent with their bosses and nearly 75% said colleagues also felt uncomfortable speaking up.
 	Meet people on their own turf. Others are more likely to speak up if they are in a setting that’s more comfortable for them.
 	Leaders should consider shifting timing and/or medium to one that’s of the preference for the person who doesn’t have power.
 	Explain why you’re asking about a topic and your intention for a conversation at the start. Providing context prevents people from having to guess at your agenda.
 	Set a mutual agenda for a conversation by asking a question like, “In addition to this, what else should be part of our conversation today?”
 	Establish a tone for open communication by radiating resilience. Words like these might help: “If I were in your shoes, I might be feeling frustrated or even resentful. If that’s how you’re feeling, I would understand completely. Please don’t hold back.”

Resources Mentioned

 	Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life* by Jeff Wetzler

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 	How to Ask Better Questions, with David Marquet (episode 454)
 	The Way Out of Major Conflict, with Amanda Ripley (episode 529)
 	How to Grow From Your Errors, with Amy Edmondson (episode 663)

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679: Make it Easier to Discuss Hard Things, with Jeff Wetzler

Elaine Lin Hering: Unlearning Silence
Elaine Lin Hering is a facilitator, speaker, and writer who helps people build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management. She is a former Managing Partner of Triad Consulting Group and Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, specializing in dispute resolution, mediation, and negotiation. She is the author of Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Your Talent, and Live More Fully.

Those of us who have struggled to speak up have been told, “Just be more confident,” or, “Say this to get started.” As Elaine and I discuss in this conversation, there’s a larger context at play…and great power for both leaders and the people they lead, in unlearning silence.
Key Points

 	Start with why. For change to actually happen, find something that matters more than the old behavior.
 	What seems obvious to us isn’t always obvious to others. Connecting the dots for others demonstrates the meaning you’re making.
 	Beginning a thought with, “From where I sit…” provides a entry point for what you need to say while also acknowledging different perspectives from others.
 	Most people want to be helpful, but don’t always know how. Tell them how they can be helpful in the moment.
 	Resistance is part of the process of influencing others. While it doesn’t feel good in the moment, it’s often the catalyst for creating movement.

Resources Mentioned

 	Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Your Talent, and Live More Fully* by Elaine Lin Hering

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 	How to Speak Up, with Connson Locke (episode 546)
 	End Imposter Syndrome in Your Organization, with Jodi-Ann Burey (episode 556)
 	The Mindset Leaders Need to Address Burnout, with Christina Maslach (episode 608)

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678: The Power of Unlearning Silence, with Elaine Lin Hering

Sohee Jun
Sohee Jun is a leadership coach for female executives, leaders, founders, and entrepreneurs. She is also a TEDx speaker, Forbes Coaches Council member, keynote speaker, leadership development expert, and author. With over twenty years in the corporate world, she has worked with Fortune 500 companies, including those in the entertainment, production, and media sectors such as Netflix, Fox, and Disney.

In 2020, Sohee released her first book, Mommytracked: How to Take Authentic Risks and Find Success on Your Terms, with the goal of helping ambitious women tap into their inner core throughout the different phases of their lives. She's now the author of a second book, The Inner Game: Secrets of High-Achieving Women for Navigating Work, Life, and Mindset*.

In a world where still too few women are represented in senior leadership roles, many of us want to do whatever we can to support high-achieving women. In this conversation, Sohee and I explore what her research and experience indicates that leaders can do to better support women in their careers.
Key Points

 	Leaders can support both women and men by framing the larger “why” or North Star. Providing context helps a point of focus to emerge.
 	Do it afraid. Provide support to work through fearful situations with success.
 	When supporting women in building confidence, help them recognize what they’ve already achieved.
 	Normalize the discussion about financial literacy. Opening the door to dialogue around salary negotiation helps equalize the salary gap.
 	One question can set the tone for better work and life integration. Leaders can proactively ask about boundaries.

Resources Mentioned

 	The Inner Game: Secrets of High-Achieving Women for Navigating Work, Life, and Mindset* by Sohee Jun

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 	How to Prioritize, with Christy Wright (episode 545)
 	How to Protect Your Confidence, with Nate Zinsser (episode 573)
 	The Path Towards Your Next Promotion, with Adam Bryant (episode 653)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

677: How Leaders Can Better Support High-Achieving Women, with Sohee Jun

Michael McQueen: Mindstuck
Michael McQueen has spent the past two decades helping organizations and leaders win the battle for relevance. He specializes in helping clients navigate uncertainty and stay one step ahead of change.

Michael is a bestselling author of nine books and a familiar face on the international conference circuit, having shared the stage with the likes of Bill Gates, Dr. John C. Maxwell, and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak. Having formerly been named Australia’s Keynote Speaker of the Year, he has been inducted into the Professional Speakers Hall of Fame. He is the author of Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Minds*.

There’s a lot of evidence that our minds would rather feel right than be right. How then, do you influence someone when they are really convinced of their position? In this conversation, Michael and I discuss the initial steps that help in changing people’s minds.
Key Points

 	Our tendency is to convince to the inquiring mind, but we’ll do better if we speak to the instinctive mind first.
 	Help others lessen loss and maintain dignity by preserving titles, language, and symbols in things that are new.
 	Instead of trying making an argument, ask a question that allows the other person to listen to themselves.
 	Ask questions that clarify points of resistance or misunderstanding.
 	Speak like you’re right, listen like you’re wrong.

Resources Mentioned

 	Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Minds* by Michael McQueen

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 	The Way to Influence Executives, with Nancy Duarte (episode 450)
 	Four Habits That Derail Listening, with Oscar Trimboli (episode 500)
 	Three Practices for Thriving in Negotiations, with William Ury (episode 669)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

676: How to Change People’s Minds, with Michael McQueen

Lauren Wesley Wilson: What Do You Need?
Lauren Wesley Wilson is a leading thought leader on media relations, diversity and inclusion, and crisis communications. At 25, she became the founder and CEO of ColorComm Corporation. Prior to that, Lauren worked as a communications strategist at a prestigious crisis communications firm in Washington, D.C.

Lauren has been featured in The Washington Post, Forbes, and People, as well as on MSNBC and CNBC, and more. She has been recognized by PR Week’s 50 Most Powerful in PR, Ad Age’s Women to Watch, and New York Women in Communications. She is the author of What Do You Need?: How Women of Color Can Take Ownership of Their Careers to Accelerate Their Path to Success*.

Many of us wish to be good allies in the workplace, especially to those who are underrepresented. Yet, what we assume that means isn’t always what’s most wanted or needed. In this conversation, Lauren and I discuss what leaders and peers can do to be better allies.
Key Points

 	Instead of asking “How can I help?” consider, “What do you need?” That’s more likely to generate specific actions.
 	Women of color feel like they are putting in tons of work into relationships with the majority culture, but it often feels unreciprocated.
 	White folks think of allyship as speaking out against discrimination. Women of color say it’s way more critical to advocate for new opportunities.
 	Tie allyship to economic goals: conference attendance, nominations for recognition, inclusion on high-profile committees, and position/promotion considerations.
 	Make invitations to people of color to be at the table. This contributes more substantially than proclamations of support.
 	When you make a mistake, apologize, own it, and move on. Don’t tell a story to explain yourself.

Resources Mentioned

 	What Do You Need?: How Women of Color Can Take Ownership of Their Careers to Accelerate Their Path to Success* by Lauren Wesley Wilson

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

 	The Way Managers Can be Champions for Justice, with Minda Harts (episode 552)
 	End Imposter Syndrome in Your Organization, with Jodi-Ann Burey (episode 556)
 	How to Respond Better When Challenged, with Dolly Chugh (episode 615)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

380: How to Find Confidence in Conflict, with Kwame Christian

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