How to Find Self-Compassion in a World of Self-Judgment

Self-compassion means being warm, kind, and giving yourself grace. Have you ever felt like a sheet being tossed to and fro in the dryer? A lack of self-compassion and clarity can leave us feeling like a sheet in the dryer. Swish, shush, swish, and a ton of other noise going on in our mind as it spins with overwhelm. Often, but especially during the holiday season, we feel like we don’t have direction or clarity and it’s important to give ourselves the gift of self-compassion. Instead of having self-compassion, we often only see what’s wrong with us.  We lack compassion and self-judgment overrules. Krista Resnick saw this first-hand with her photography clients and decided to become a life coach so that she could do deeper work and impact women and how they feel about themselves. Everything Happens For a Reason When we are on a journey, every experience leads us to something more meaningful, for purpose. We need to stop looking at life from why is this happening to me, to why is this happening for me? This outlook shift will move us from a victim's mindset to become seekers.  This mindset shift will help us heal and grow and be our authentic, beautiful selves. What Does Self-Compassion mean? Self-compassion means to be warm, kind, and to give yourself grace. That is true self-compassion.  Talking to ourselves like we would talk to a friend.  We give compassion to others, but no for ourselves. When we aren’t coming from a place of self-compassion, we are coming from a place of self-judgment. Self-judgement is a form of protection.  It is a way to protect ourselves from being hurt or judged.  We are judging ourselves so others can’t judge us.  If we are being cruel to ourselves by judging ourselves. This is an act of blocking ourselves from expansion, up-leveling, growing, and stepping into the most powerful version of ourselves. When we are doing this to ourselves, we can’t build relationships with others. Self-Love and Self-Compassion go Hand-in-Hand Self-love is the power cord to all things.  Knowing that you were made for something powerful and great and that you are enough. We aren’t taught how to have self-compassion or to love ourselves. Self-judgment is Learned and Blocks Self-Compassion Many people have been taught to judge themselves. When people grow up in a home of judgment and squashing of ideas, they will be more likely to judge themselves and lack self-compassion. Start to make judgment unfamiliar and start to make self-compassion familiar. Awareness Awareness is where we begin.  We can’t change what we aren’t aware of.  But we have to embody the beliefs and implement them.   It takes action.  Information doesn’t equate to transformation.  Embodiment, action, and intention have to come into play. Patience is an underutilized tool.  It’s not a one and done when it comes to learning self-compassion.  You can’t just read about it, you have to take action. Fear leads us to procrastination and when we procrastinate, we don’t take action to embody the things we need to embrace self-compassion. Ask Yourself What is it that stops you from practicing self-compassion? Clarity It is often clarity that stops us from having self-compassion and taking action to achieve our goals and dreams. You have to have clarity around that to be able to shift it. "Clear is kind.  Unclear is unkind." – Brene Brown Not being clear on what you want in your life causes suffering. The mind knows that once we get clear we have to take action, and taking action is intimidating. Find out what stops you from practicing self-compassion. When you are kind to yourself, is when you have terrific gains. 3 Elements of Self-Compassion Self-awareness We cannot shift what we are not aware of.  Notice when are you being the mean girl. When do you feel low? When are you bombarding yourself with the should have’s, etc. Common Humanity We have to stop isolating ourselves because we aren’t the only ones going through hard things.  Every human has pain and suffering. We are all in this together and should be supporting each other. Kindness over judgment Kindness over self-judgment. Grace over self-berating. I am enough.  I deserve unconditional love.  If we aren’t nice to ourselves, how will we rise and make the impact we are meant to make.  You can’t rise and answer your diving calling if you don’t have self-compassion. Action Start to make self-compassion familiar. Patience and Grace What stops me from being more compassionate with myself? Identify What stops me from being warm and understanding with myself? What are my go-to self-judgments? Take self-judgments and flip them – write them in the voice of self-compassion Identify one way we can give ourselves grace? Everything starts with just one thing. Honor yourself by taking action to that one thing to offer yourself grace. It’s important to write these out, not type them so that the brain can truly connect with them. Be aware of the two voices: the voice of judgment and the voice of compassion. Notice when you take that action how it feels in the body.  What is your mind offering you when you take that grace.  Pay attention to your body and trust yourself to know when it’s time to give yourself another compassion break. Patience Much of this work is about slowing down.  Patience comes into play to be able to slow down, take time, don’t rush through it, and we’ll know when it’s time to move forward with another step. Often times when we slow down, we start to panic.  Rushing through life is a response to trauma.  So when we stop, a flood of emotions come into our mind and heart. Then we want to numb ourselves. Picking up our phones or other addictions are tools we use to numb ourselves. When these moments come, take an inventory of what’s going on.  Take them as a reminder to slow down and treasure the emotions and moments that are fleeting. About Krista Krista is a women's leadership expert, success coach, sought-after speaker, and mother of three teenage boys. She is a powerhouse of soul, fun, compassion, and vibrancy.  Her honest and curious approach guides the women she serves in a way that is both real, true, and supportive. Krista's work empowers female leaders to stop settling, embrace their wholeness, and define success o their own terms.  Her Selfish Badass Movement has helped hundreds of women across the globe.  Krista is a walking permission slip, inspiring women to show up unapologetically and live a life that lights their souls on fire. Learn more about your host, Robyn Graham, click HERE. To learn about The Brand Marketing Insider by Robyn Graham, click HERE. Join the Female Entrepreneur Insider Facebook Group HERE. Book a Brand Marketing Strategy Session HERE. Ask Me Anything HERE. Connect with me, Robyn Graham: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | Pinterest Learn more about Krista and connect with her: Website: www.kristaresnick.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kristaresnickcoaching Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kristaresnickcoaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/krista-resnick-4a406713b/