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How to Forgive
If a broken heart has come because of the actions of another, or maybe our own actions, there is nothing more important than forgiving those who have hurt us, and in some cases that means receiving God’s forgiveness and forgiving ourselves.
When Jesus was asked how often we ought to forgive those who have wronged us, His answer was seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). In other words, always forgive, as many times as needed. Since that is such a hard thing to do, we have to ask ourselves why we would do it - especially to those who have inflicted huge pain in our lives.
We don’t do it because they deserve it. They may not deserve it. Ever! But, there are two principles we need to remember, one spiritual and one personal. The spiritual principle is that God chose to forgive us when we did not deserve to be forgiven. We did not deserve His forgiveness, yet He granted it to us fully and completely when we made him the Lord of our lives. Thus, Jesus insists that we forgive one another as He forgave us (Matthew 18:21-35), and to do so “from your heart.” Jesus actually says that He will not forgive those who refuse to forgive others.
But there is a deeply personal reason to forgive. When we refuse to forgive, we are held hostage by our bitterness until we do. In effect, we are held hostage by the pain inflicted by others and, instead of becoming free, we become bitter. I am always reminded of this when family members of homicide victims are interviewed at executions. Sometimes they vow that they will never forgive the one who took the life of their loved one. After the execution they are asked if they feel any better now that justice has been done, and they are just as angry and bitter as before. Not even the death sentence or life sentence relieves them of their pain and bitterness.
Sometimes our “dark night of the soul” is the result of our own sinfulness or foolish actions. The amazing thing about grace, is that there is no sin that Christ will not forgive, and there is no situation that Jesus does not want to redeem and use for our growth and His glory.
John writes in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The hard part is often forgiving ourselves! We continue with guilt and regret long after God has forgiven us. Although we may have regrets, we need not live with guilt once the Lord of the universe has forgiven us. If He is willing to forgive, we must be willing to forgive ourselves.
There is a phrase I love: “Don’t resaw the sawdust.” The sawdust is the residual of our sin, now forgiven. Physically you cannot resaw sawdust, but that is what we often try to do, time and again, by constantly revisiting our sin. We want to learn from our sin, but we cannot wallow in our sin that has been forgiven. The thief, who comes to steal, kill and destroy, loves it when we try to resaw the sawdust. The Good Shepherd who comes that we may have life and have it to the fullest, tells us to let it go, for our sin has been covered by His blood spilled on the cross for us! He paid the penalty, and we can move on in forgiveness and grace, learning from our past, but pressing into our future. Without forgiveness of others or ourselves we cannot move on from our pain.
Father, this is hard. It is hard to forgive those who hurt me and it is equally hard to forgive myself. Help me do what You have commanded me to do, many times if necessary, so that I can live in freedom rather than in bondage to my past. Amen.
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By TJ AddingtonIf a broken heart has come because of the actions of another, or maybe our own actions, there is nothing more important than forgiving those who have hurt us, and in some cases that means receiving God’s forgiveness and forgiving ourselves.
When Jesus was asked how often we ought to forgive those who have wronged us, His answer was seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). In other words, always forgive, as many times as needed. Since that is such a hard thing to do, we have to ask ourselves why we would do it - especially to those who have inflicted huge pain in our lives.
We don’t do it because they deserve it. They may not deserve it. Ever! But, there are two principles we need to remember, one spiritual and one personal. The spiritual principle is that God chose to forgive us when we did not deserve to be forgiven. We did not deserve His forgiveness, yet He granted it to us fully and completely when we made him the Lord of our lives. Thus, Jesus insists that we forgive one another as He forgave us (Matthew 18:21-35), and to do so “from your heart.” Jesus actually says that He will not forgive those who refuse to forgive others.
But there is a deeply personal reason to forgive. When we refuse to forgive, we are held hostage by our bitterness until we do. In effect, we are held hostage by the pain inflicted by others and, instead of becoming free, we become bitter. I am always reminded of this when family members of homicide victims are interviewed at executions. Sometimes they vow that they will never forgive the one who took the life of their loved one. After the execution they are asked if they feel any better now that justice has been done, and they are just as angry and bitter as before. Not even the death sentence or life sentence relieves them of their pain and bitterness.
Sometimes our “dark night of the soul” is the result of our own sinfulness or foolish actions. The amazing thing about grace, is that there is no sin that Christ will not forgive, and there is no situation that Jesus does not want to redeem and use for our growth and His glory.
John writes in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The hard part is often forgiving ourselves! We continue with guilt and regret long after God has forgiven us. Although we may have regrets, we need not live with guilt once the Lord of the universe has forgiven us. If He is willing to forgive, we must be willing to forgive ourselves.
There is a phrase I love: “Don’t resaw the sawdust.” The sawdust is the residual of our sin, now forgiven. Physically you cannot resaw sawdust, but that is what we often try to do, time and again, by constantly revisiting our sin. We want to learn from our sin, but we cannot wallow in our sin that has been forgiven. The thief, who comes to steal, kill and destroy, loves it when we try to resaw the sawdust. The Good Shepherd who comes that we may have life and have it to the fullest, tells us to let it go, for our sin has been covered by His blood spilled on the cross for us! He paid the penalty, and we can move on in forgiveness and grace, learning from our past, but pressing into our future. Without forgiveness of others or ourselves we cannot move on from our pain.
Father, this is hard. It is hard to forgive those who hurt me and it is equally hard to forgive myself. Help me do what You have commanded me to do, many times if necessary, so that I can live in freedom rather than in bondage to my past. Amen.