Episode 4: Hi friends! Thriving in motherhood means thriving in all your relationships. 

When you have a partner, that relationship is vital to your well-being.  In this episode, I'm applying a lot of the same perspectives & ideas that I've shared to the partner relationship.  

If you're not currently involved in a romantic partnership, I invite you to consider any close relationship in your life.  What I share with you has been a game-changer for my marriage.  With an open mind, I trust that you will see your partner & yourself a bit differently after listening to this one.  It might just be what you need to hear.

In my journey, I dove into motherhood first.  It felt more pressing. My children were relying on me to regulate myself.  It felt really hard.  A big part of that "hard" was that I had a partner who wasn't on board with how I wanted to parent.  I mean, he agreed with the concepts but he found it difficult to remain calm & find ways to parent that fostered connection.  His dis-regulation made my job as a mom harder. He made it harder for me to stay calm. I blamed him.  I was resentful.  But here's the thing...it was easier to project onto him all the ways he was getting it wrong and blame him for it being so hard rather than to admit I was having the same struggles.

"I held him to a standard of parenting I hadn't yet mastered myself." 

The perspective shift that changed my relationship with my husband AND also the relationship between my husband and our boys was this...

A woman's driving need is to feel loved & a man's driving need is to feel respected. 

When these needs aren't met, a cycle of disconnection is created.  This comes up in parenting as you correct, direct, tell them how it needs to be done.  This is done out of concern.  You just know better.  He only needs to realize that we'd be happier & things would be easier if we just did it my way.  (Realizing I was doing this was a rude awakening for me.)

Our approach is perceived by our partner as disrespectful. This corrodes connection & pokes holes in their confidence. Making it hard to want to express love from this place.  So you aren't getting what you need to feel connected.  

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.  

We end up waiting on them, needing them to give us what we're needing to give ourselves.  In this waiting the resentment builds and we become more and more unwilling to give them what they need.  

We don't feel like it.  Neither do they.  Who knows where this cycle started?  Who cares?  You're both in it.  Someone has to break it.  

If you want things to change, you go first.  

Welcome to the conversation!