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How to Help a Child Who Feels Rejected by Friends
[Week 25 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
Helping your child ask the important questions
Learning about friendship can be traumatic for children. A parent who can blend compassion with problem solving will have the undying gratitude and trust of his child. The goal is to express the delight you have in being part of the child’s life, while at the same time nurturing other important relationships. Figuring out which relationships to keep working on is an important skill in life. There will be some rejection, which we all know cuts to the core of the soul.
I have already written ideas for being your child’s preferred friendship coach, but here I am going to specifically address how to help when your child feels rejected. It might be tempting to say, “Buck up, that’s just life.” Or to the other extreme of “they are just stupid for not wanting to be your friend.” Neither approach will do much to help your child in productive ways.
There are a few simple questions that can help children gain perspective and give them better tools for dealing with relationships. These questions begin with the child evaluating themselves, then proceed to see what might affect other people’s perspectives.
Who do you want to be friends with and why?
There always seem to be those people whom everyone wishes they could be friends with. But why is this? Is it because of good looks or charisma? Is there something about feeling accepted by such people that makes us feel validated and worthwhile? Possibly it is because we feel there will be advantages for us socially or in business? While it is not wrong to seek out helpful connections, that is not what friendship is built on. Friendship might grow in the midst of such connections, but a true friendship will be based on much more.
This can be a good time to become aware of personal biases or misconceptions. Not all biases are bad, but we are all subject to coming to conclusions for the wrong reasons. Do we feel superior to someone because they look a certain way or don’t have the same speech patterns? Do we feel we would be risking our social reputation to be seen with some people? It is a shame when friendship is missed because of shallow criteria.
It is also good to ask how many people can you be good friends with? As finite people, we have only so much time and energy to devote to more intimate friendships. It is fine and good to be friendly with many people, but we can not get to know them all to the same level
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By Laura Blodgett[Week 25 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
Helping your child ask the important questions
Learning about friendship can be traumatic for children. A parent who can blend compassion with problem solving will have the undying gratitude and trust of his child. The goal is to express the delight you have in being part of the child’s life, while at the same time nurturing other important relationships. Figuring out which relationships to keep working on is an important skill in life. There will be some rejection, which we all know cuts to the core of the soul.
I have already written ideas for being your child’s preferred friendship coach, but here I am going to specifically address how to help when your child feels rejected. It might be tempting to say, “Buck up, that’s just life.” Or to the other extreme of “they are just stupid for not wanting to be your friend.” Neither approach will do much to help your child in productive ways.
There are a few simple questions that can help children gain perspective and give them better tools for dealing with relationships. These questions begin with the child evaluating themselves, then proceed to see what might affect other people’s perspectives.
Who do you want to be friends with and why?
There always seem to be those people whom everyone wishes they could be friends with. But why is this? Is it because of good looks or charisma? Is there something about feeling accepted by such people that makes us feel validated and worthwhile? Possibly it is because we feel there will be advantages for us socially or in business? While it is not wrong to seek out helpful connections, that is not what friendship is built on. Friendship might grow in the midst of such connections, but a true friendship will be based on much more.
This can be a good time to become aware of personal biases or misconceptions. Not all biases are bad, but we are all subject to coming to conclusions for the wrong reasons. Do we feel superior to someone because they look a certain way or don’t have the same speech patterns? Do we feel we would be risking our social reputation to be seen with some people? It is a shame when friendship is missed because of shallow criteria.
It is also good to ask how many people can you be good friends with? As finite people, we have only so much time and energy to devote to more intimate friendships. It is fine and good to be friendly with many people, but we can not get to know them all to the same level