Originally Recorded 1/21/22

Tony reads listener emails including one that asks questions about how to avoid passing along narcissistic trauma to your children and he reads an amazing poem submitted by a listener that beautifully describes the process of awakening to the narcissistic traits and tendencies of a partner. He also discusses how avoidant and anxious attachment styles often come from emotionally unavailable/immature parents. He refers to the article "Attachment Woes Between Anxious and Avoidant Partners" by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=v95myQ

-----------------------------------------------------TRANSCIPT---------------------------------------

[00:00:07] Hey, everybody, welcome to episode 20 of Waking Up the Narcissism, I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of the Virtual Couch podcast, and today we're going to dove right in. I still want all of your emails, your letters, your examples, your questions. And if you are interested in joining my private women's Facebook group, then please reach out as well through the contact form on Tony over. But I want to start with an email and this is a just a beautiful email, and the person shares a poem at the end of the email that I just cannot wait to get to now. The poem is difficult, but it is so beautifully written and I posted it in the group and the comments. The response has just been overwhelming on how well this woman touches on the whole narcissistic experience. But so I want to read you the email and we'll keep some of the more identifying parts out. But the the email goes, Hey there, Tony, I've spent the last few weeks listening and listening to your podcast on waking up the narcissism and the virtual couch. I learned of your podcast from Suzanne Walters Facebook page and those of you who listen. Last week we interviewed Suzanne Falter, the first guest talking about her experience and in a narcissistic, trauma bonded relationship. But the person who wrote the email said I became aware of the term narcissism or narcissists at the beginning of December after spending rough summer, a rough summer battling depression that I believed was depression, where I was just allowing myself to flow with after my husband had mentioned that I was just being a dead fish, going with the flow and not trying to fight it.

[00:01:41] My sister, who had been going to therapy, opened my eyes to the term narcissism and then down I went into the rabbit hole and then the years that this person has been married, she said. It's been such an emotional up and down. Walking on eggshells like way of life, they have children together and her family lives far away, so she feels a little bit of this isolation. She said she's excused his temper and explosive moments on his back pain,