Sadly, with President Trump distracted by tariff swats, deporting immigrants and crushing dissent, he seems to have taken his eyes off taking Greenland.  His birthday bash with Army tanks and guns rolling through Washington on Saturday may be a practice run, but as a former top Deep State operative, I’m here to tell him there’s an easier, more peaceful way to take the island: covert action—the kind of stuff I spent decades doing in the CIA.

Yes, a military assault would be quicker and more direct. It would stand a greater chance of success since Greenland has only 55,000 people, no military and we already have a military base there. It would also be more expensive (then again, the military-industrial complex can always use the work). But our military is otherwise occupied in hot spots like California and D.C. They’ve also got invasions of Canada and Mexico to prepare for.

The main goal of the CA (cool CIA lingo) would be to create the conditions whereby Greenlanders request U.S. intervention or annexation. Our usual preferred method—a military coup followed by a brutal dictatorship—is a nonstarter since there is no military in Greenland to work with, and clandestinely creating a military that we could later subvert would take far too long.

So we go to work on Greenland’s people, who don’t fully grasp how unhappy they are. The first step would be to divide them by generating fear, anger, and hatred. A divided society can be manipulated more easily and rendered ineffective, turning on itself and doing our work for us.