In episode 53 of How To Matter, I explore three examples of emotional advice and consider whether it is all good advice or perhaps very bad advice. The handout for the episode is below and comes in three parts. Episode 53 resolves the different perspectives in the examples.

Part 1: The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. -- James Allen

You deal smoothly with the ups-and-downs of life. Most people generally reflect the state of their personal worlds. When things are going well, they are more positive and energetic. When their worlds are in a down turn, they are more irritable and anxious. For you, though, this pattern is not evident. Rather, you seem unaffected by the fluctuations. This is because you separate events from your reaction or response to them. To let yourself be pulled up and down by what is happening around you consumes unproductive energy and attention and diminishes your capacity to deal effectively with whatever is happening.

Part 2: My father used to say to me, 'Whenever you get into a jam, whenever you get into a crisis or an emergency... become the calmest person in the room and you'll be able to figure your way out of it.' -- Rudolph Giuliani

You are seldom up tight or nervous. In part, this is because you have learned to manage your anxiety, stress, and fear of failure. In part it is also because you are in touch with and trust your intuition. You have learned to expect insights and understanding that will enable you to deal with most any people or situations that need your attention and management. You trust your conscious skills and knowledge but also rely on your intuitive capacity to hang in there and deal with whatever comes along.

Part 3: Chaos is a name for any order that produces confusion in our minds. -- George Santayana

Avoid keeping things stirred up. This is especially important if events have caused confusion or disruption or if there is arguing or serious controversy. At those times, tension and stress tend to be high and the emotional wash can quickly cover everyone and everything. This was pointed out by Anaïs Nin, We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. Importantly, you don't necessarily try to soothe people or calm the situation. Rather, you stop anything you are doing to exacerbate the tension and then figuratively and perhaps literally move away, out of the negative energy field. You need to get away from all the static before you can deal effectively with the situation.