Hug #161 Perfectionism

Today, I have a strongly worded message for my pal, Perfectionism:

Get out of my life.... today!!!

I hope you have the same message. I didn't realize until recently that it has been rearing it's ugly head in my life again, and I will not continue to allow that! Today we'll talk about causes of perfectionism, the vicious cycle, and what to do for more peace.

Do You Battle Perfectionism?

· Do you feel like what you accomplish is never quite good enough?

· Do you often put off turning in papers or projects, waiting to get them just right?

· Do you feel you must give more than 100 percent on everything you do or else you will be mediocre or even a failure?

Causes of Perfectionism

· Fear of failure.

· Fear of making mistakes.

· Fear of disapproval.

· All-or-none thinking.

· Overemphasis on “should's.”

· Believing that others are easily successful.

The Vicious Cycle of Perfectionism (See diagram in show notes https://www.tamiwest.com/post/goodbye_perfectionism)

So what's the cycle.

First, perfectionists set unreachable goals.

Second, they fail to meet these goals because the goals were impossible to begin with. Failure to reach them was thus inevitable.

Third, the constant pressure to achieve perfection and the inevitable chronic failure reduce productivity and effectiveness.

Fourth, this cycle leads perfectionists to be self-critical and self-blaming which results in lower self-esteem. It may also lead to anxiety and depression. “This time if only I try harder I will succeed.”

Such thinking sets the entire cycle in motion again.

Instead, try Healthy Striving

Healthy strivers take pleasure in the process of pursuing the task at hand rather than focusing only on the end result.

What to do About Perfectionism

· Set realistic and reachable goals based on your own wants and needs and what you have accomplished in the past.

· Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner.

· Experiment with your standards for success.

· Focus on the process of doing an activity not just on the end result.

· Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, “Have I set up impossible expectations for myself in this situation?”

· Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?”

· Recognize that many positive things can only be learned by making mistakes. When you make a mistake ask,

· “What can I learn from this experience?” More specifically, think of a recent mistake you have made and list all the things you can learn from it.

· Avoid all-or-none thinking in relation to your goals.

This will take time, but you can do it! And so can I.

Thanks for joining!

*Disclaimer:

The information in this show is not intended to be therapy or to address your individual situation. It is information based on our experiences, opinions, and research. If you need further help, please reach out to one of the resources mentioned in the show notes.

General Resources National Alliance of Mental Illness: https://www.nami.org

Mental Health America: https://mhanational.org

Mental Health First Aid Resources: https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/

Celebrate Recovery: https://www.celebraterecovery.com/

About AA: https://www.aa.org/

Tami West, PhD Stress and Mental Health Expert

Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.

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