**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion.

What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the parlor” of family secrets to church myths about divorce, we unpack how bias, fear, and shame create a reality distortion that blocks healing and keeps couples locked in patterns that feel holy but harm the heart.

Together, we name how FBS shows up in marriages hit by sexual addiction and infidelity: apologies without change, entitlement around sex, and the belief that keeping the peace means burying the truth. We contrast enabling with love, and we talk about the real work of repair—honesty, humility, boundaries, and accountability. You’ll hear raw reflections on fear’s grip, why “you don’t know what you don’t know” becomes a shield, and how head‑on collisions with reality—though painful—often expose the lies we’ve been living under.

If you need a compass, we offer three simple questions to test your thinking: What evidence supports this belief? Am I confusing a thought with a fact? Do I know for certain the worst will happen? We also revisit a grounding principle: mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs. Whether you’re the betrayed or the betraying partner, expect practical language, honest tension, and a call to redefine peace as the presence of truth, humility, and accountability. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs clarity, and leave a review telling us which belief you’re ready to challenge next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

“When you choose you, you lose me” is a hard sentence to hear—and a necessary one to explore. We unpack how selfish patterns, secrecy, and transactional bargains corrode love after betrayal, and why safety-focused boundaries are not punishment but the first scaffolding of repair. From raw personal stories to faith-grounded principles, we trace the slow work of rebuilding trust day by day, drop by drop.

We dig into the difference between self-care and self-centeredness, especially in the wake of sexual addiction or infidelity. The betrayed partner needs protective space; the betraying partner often misreads that space as rejection and withdraws. We reframe boundaries as signals for safety, not walls for distance. Then we get practical: how to replace defensiveness with curiosity, how to offer empathy without centering yourself, and how to establish predictable accountability that lowers anxiety and stops the cycle of wound, promise, repeat.

You’ll hear a vivid metaphor for change—plowing fallow ground. Trust won’t grow in hardened soil. It takes repeated passes: honest disclosure, consistent transparency, and small daily acts that demonstrate care without keeping score. We also face a hard truth about timelines: the distance into deception often equals the distance out. Slower is safer, because slower sticks. Action proves love, consistency proves trust, and change proves sorry.

If you’re navigating betrayal trauma or working to rebuild after breaking trust, this conversation offers clarity, language, and next steps. Tap into group support and trauma-informed coaching, align your actions with your values, and practice empathy that heals rather than explains. Subscribe, share with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review with one takeaway you’ll put into practice this week.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

A single sentence—“When you choose you, you lose me”—can crack open the truth about why relationships crumble after betrayal. We take you inside that reality with a candid look at selfishness versus self-care, what safety actually feels like in the body, and how boundaries function as bridges instead of walls. From the first minute, we name the hard parts: gaslighting that reframes feelings as attacks, entitlement that calls harm “fairness,” and the slow burn of repeated deception that turns homes into places where nervous systems never rest.

You’ll hear why accountability starts where defensiveness ends, and how “sorry” changes shape when trust needs proof, not poetry. We pull from relationship research and lived experience to outline practices that work in the real world: clear boundaries that protect dignity, empathy that holds pain without correction, and routines that remove secrecy from daily life. We talk about the trap of tit for tat thinking, the power of saying what is true before it is comfortable, and the reason unresolved issues don’t disappear—they stack up until someone says stop. Faith meets psychology through a simple call from Zechariah: tell the truth, don’t scheme, and work for peace.

If you’ve wondered whether stepping back is unloving, you’ll find language for healthy detachment that creates space for real change. If you’re the partner seeking repair, you’ll learn how to listen to understand, respect boundaries as acts of love, and sit with pain without dismissing it as punishment. And if your gut has been your only compass, we’ll help you trust it while you build a plan that turns intention into consistent action. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs clarity and courage, and leave a review with the one boundary that helped you breathe again.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Kim and John wrap up Season 1 by reflecting on their personal and relational growth through recovery from sexual addiction and infidelity. They explore how significant life changes—like Kim's 50-pound weight loss journey—mirror the emotional healing process that requires patience, consistency, and professional help.

• Kim shares her longing for "safety, peace, stability, and consistency" after years in survival mode
• John discusses learning to lead with love and stability despite his own woundedness and past failures
• The metaphor of John's broken foot illustrates how physical and emotional healing both take longer than expected
• Discussion of trauma anniversaries and how "the body keeps the score" even when the mind wants to move forward
• Kim expresses her desire for "newness, not restoration" in their relationship
• Exploration of how men set the tone in relationships and how women respond to feeling safe and cherished
• Acknowledgment that healing requires facing problems honestly rather than avoiding them

Join us for Season 2 where we'll continue peeling back layers of healing from betrayal trauma. Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com to share your stories and topic suggestions.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Forgiveness after betrayal isn't simply about saying "sorry"—it demands fundamental change that many struggling couples never achieve. This raw, unfiltered conversation pulls back the curtain on what true reconciliation requires after sexual betrayal tears a relationship apart.

Kim introduces a powerful concept that cuts through empty apologies: "Sorry stops." Genuine repentance means the harmful behavior completely ends, not just gets temporarily paused or hidden better. For betrayed spouses, recognizing true remorse means watching for subtle signs—facial expressions, attitudes, and the absence of blame—that reveal whether their partner has truly changed or is merely performing remorse.

The discussion takes a brutally honest turn when Kim raises the question many betrayed spouses silently ask themselves: "What benefit are you to me?" This seemingly harsh inquiry exposes the legitimate calculus every hurt partner must make—is staying in this relationship bringing healing or further harm? John's struggle to respond emotionally rather than logically to this question perfectly illustrates the communication barriers that make reconciliation so challenging.

Throughout the episode, the hosts' own ongoing journey becomes a real-time demonstration of both the possibility and difficulty of healing. Their vulnerable exchanges—sometimes tense, sometimes tender—show why rebuilding trust requires "provable behavior over time" and why emotional intelligence is so crucial to the process.

For anyone walking the painful path of recovery after betrayal, this conversation offers both validation and practical wisdom: establish healthy boundaries that protect without attempting to control; pursue individual healing regardless of your partner's choices; and understand that successful reconciliation doesn't mean rebuilding what was—it means creating something entirely new from the broken pieces.

Ready to dive deeper into your healing journey? Connect with us at hurtmeetshealer.com and discover resources designed specifically for those navigating the aftermath of betrayal.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Navigating the treacherous waters of forgiveness after intimate betrayal requires more than just hearing "I'm sorry." In this second installment of our forgiveness series, we dive deep into what true forgiveness looks like when trust has been shattered.

Using a powerful analogy of John's recent foot injury, we explore how emotional wounds, like physical ones, cannot heal properly when ignored or covered up. Just as his injured toe required examination, cleaning, and proper treatment, the pain of betrayal demands acknowledgment and care—not a quick bandage of forced forgiveness.

"Forgive and forget" might be the most damaging advice given to betrayed spouses. We challenge this notion head-on, distinguishing between genuine forgiveness and toxic expectations that rush the healing process. Kim speaks directly to betrayed spouses feeling pressured to "just get over it," offering permission to heal on their own timeline and validation that their boundaries are not only appropriate but necessary.

The conversation takes several revealing turns as we navigate our own ongoing healing journey, demonstrating in real-time the challenges of discussing forgiveness while still working through pain. Our unfiltered dialogue reveals both the progress we've made and the work that remains—a testament to forgiveness being a process rather than a one-time event.

Perhaps most importantly, we clarify that forgiveness doesn't automatically restore trust or eliminate consequences. Trust must be earned separately through consistent, trustworthy behavior over time. Healthy boundaries aren't punishment; they're essential protection during healing.

Whether you're the betrayed or betraying spouse, this episode offers practical steps toward meaningful forgiveness that honors the reality of the hurt while creating space for genuine healing. Join us as we walk this difficult but ultimately liberating path toward freedom from resentment without sacrificing truth.

Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com for resources, support groups, and coaching to help guide your healing journey.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

What does genuine forgiveness actually look like when you've been deeply wounded? In this raw, unfiltered conversation, we tackle the misconception that forgiveness simply means saying "I'm sorry" and moving on. Instead, we explore the painful, messy reality of what true forgiveness demands.

The journey begins with debunking common myths - most notably that "forgive and forget" appears nowhere in scripture. Biblical forgiveness involves cancelling a debt, not developing amnesia about what happened. This process costs us something significant: our right to justice or revenge. We discuss how forgiveness becomes especially challenging when offenses are repeated or when betrayal trauma is involved.

Our conversation gets uncomfortable as we navigate our own ongoing struggles with forgiveness. We share how resentment builds when hurts remain unaddressed, how boundaries protect us while we work on forgiveness, and why simply knowing the right approach doesn't make implementation any easier. The theoretical understanding of forgiveness collides with the practical reality of living it out daily.

For those struggling with forgiveness, we offer practical steps: acknowledging resentment, journaling to process emotions, understanding triggers, developing compassion (however difficult), focusing on the present, and seeking qualified support. We emphasize that forgiveness doesn't mean tolerating continued harmful behavior - boundaries remain essential.

The most profound insight may be that unresolved pain requires attention. When certain hurts continue resurfacing, they're signaling unhealed wounds that need addressing. For couples healing from betrayal, this often means creating space for honest conversation where the hurt person feels truly seen and understood.

Whether you're struggling to forgive someone else or yourself, this episode offers both compassionate understanding of how difficult the process can be and practical guidance for moving forward. Connect with us at hurtmeetshealer.com for resources to support your healing journey.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

The fog of betrayal can be suffocating. After discovering sexual infidelity, many partners find themselves gasping for air, desperately trying to make sense of their new reality while constantly being pulled back into chaos by ongoing deception. This powerful episode explores the lifeline of healthy detachment - a misunderstood concept that proves essential for survival and healing.

Kim shares her personal journey of needing to create space from John's persistent lies and manipulation, not as punishment but as self-preservation. "I needed safety. I needed to be able to sleep. I needed to not be lied to for a day," she reveals with raw honesty. The conversation distinguishes between healthy detachment (creating temporary distance to heal) and unhealthy detachment (manipulative withdrawal or permanent disconnection).

John offers the rare perspective from the betrayer's side, admitting how terrifying the concept of "detachment" can be for someone struggling with abandonment fears. "I missed the word 'healthy' when you were doing these steps for your own sake," he confesses, providing valuable insight for couples navigating this delicate territory.

The episode delivers practical guidance for implementing healthy detachment through self-care activities, boundary setting, and surrendering the impossible task of controlling another person's choices. Kim emphasizes: "Forgiveness is for us. Acknowledging our pain is for us. Setting healthy boundaries is for us." This powerful framework helps betrayed partners reclaim their identity beyond the trauma.

Whether you're struggling to breathe through fresh betrayal or still carrying wounds from the past, this episode offers compassionate wisdom for finding solid ground when everything feels like quicksand. Connect with us at hurtmeetshealer.com to learn more about walking alongside others on the journey from hurt to healing.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

What does healing look like after decades of sexual addiction and betrayal? In this raw and vulnerable episode, we pull back the curtain on our own marriage journey, sharing our "State of the Union" after 36+ years together.

The transformation we've experienced in just the past few months feels almost miraculous. We recently took two international trips that would have previously been minefields of triggers and conflict. Instead, we discovered a level of emotional intimacy we'd never known before—proving that real change is possible even after years of devastating hurt.

John opens up about his breakthrough realization: that the intimacy he'd been desperately seeking through sexual addiction could actually be fulfilled through genuine connection, mutual care, and shared experiences. This shift represents years of hard-won growth and therapeutic work that's dramatically altered our relationship dynamics.

For those walking through betrayal trauma, Kim speaks directly to the most painful aspect—the lies. "It's the lying that hurt worse than your actual affair," she reveals, addressing both the betrayed and those keeping secrets. "The best gift you can give your spouse if you want reconciliation is to tell the truth." This message comes from someone who endured countless discovery days and trickle disclosures over many years.

We don't sugarcoat the journey. Trust rebuilding after decades of deception is an uphill climb. Kim describes herself as "hesitantly hopeful" while maintaining strong boundaries. Yet we're both experiencing our relationship at its healthiest point ever—proof that with professional help, commitment to truth, and the courage to face our deepest wounds, healing is possible.

Whether you're the betrayed partner seeking hope or the one who's caused harm and wants to change, this episode offers both compassion and challenge. Connect with us at hurtmeetshealer.com to continue the conversation and find resources for your own healing journey.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Sexual betrayal shatters the sacred covenant of marriage, creating complex decisions about whether to stay or leave after such devastating violations of trust and commitment. We examine seven critical indicators that signal when leaving might be necessary while offering practical guidance for those navigating this painful journey.

• Ongoing or unrepentant infidelity makes relationships unsustainable, especially when the unfaithful spouse refuses to take responsibility
• Sexual betrayal often comes with emotional abuse such as gaslighting, manipulation, or shaming that creates unsafe environments
• Trust is marriage's bedrock, and when irreparably damaged, relationships may no longer be viable despite attempts at reconciliation
• Rebuilding after betrayal requires mutual commitment—if your spouse refuses counseling or transparency, they're unwilling to do necessary work
• Personal harm occurs when staying erodes your mental health, self-worth and spiritual well-being if pain remains unaddressed
• Violation of core values like fidelity requires knowing what you authentically believe so you can stay congruent with your boundaries
• Enabling destructive behavior through excuses or refusing to establish consequences allows harmful patterns to continue

Healing requires genuine remorse, complete transparency, professional support, and consistent effort over years—not weeks or months. If you're walking through betrayal trauma, reach out to us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com. We'd be honored to come alongside and guide you on your healing journey.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.