I have struggled epically with my desire to connect with others through writing and social media and my outright fear of internet trolls. As a high school English teacher my classroom was often a minefield of teenage angst and parental criticism. I would spend hours (sometimes days) researching and planning new lessons only to be met with “This is stupid”, “You’re stupid”, or “I hate this. Why do we even have to take this class anyway”. And that doesn’t even take into account all of the personal attacks on my character.

My first year teaching in a new school district (and fifth year as an educator) my car was keyed, a cold beverage ice and all was dumped on my chair, and a student disrupted my class as they ran down the hall past my room yelling, “Conkey is a CUNT!” This was in a school with a population of 250 students, give or take. No, not all of my experiences were this hostile and yes, I forged lasting connections with many bright, creative, inspiring students who have grown into adults that I am so incredibly proud of - but it seems to be human nature to ruminate on our failures rather than successes.

The vast recesses of social media are filled with both the best and worst of our human impulses. It’s like grown adults revert back to their teenage selves on their worst day. If you dredge through the comment sections on Facebook and TikTok, you’ll find every manner of affront to grammar and spelling as people hurl insults that are at best disrespectful and mean, at worst threatening and borderline illegal.

I have seen people canceled, bullied into hiatus, and reduced to tears. I’ve also seen people whose lives and families have been threatened with all manner of violence, harassment, and even doxing. I’ve seen entire comment sections devolve into an onslaught of teeth gnashing from near bloodthirsty, angry mobs of online strangers.

Perhaps what’s worse, is that too many people write this off as the price of interacting in digital public spaces. Well, you know, the trolls are gonna troll or as Taylor says, “The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate”. It’s like standing in my classroom listening to a student (whose parent was also a teacher) say, “You’re the one who signed up to be a teacher, this is what you get”.

I do not accept this response. I do not accept this attitude of dismissal and complacency. No, we can’t just stop people from being assholes. No, we can’t just demand that no one ever hurt our feelings, but we can establish boundaries. We can hold people to account. We can chose to do better for ourselves and others. Just because us elder millennials and the generations that came before us have never been taught how to talk about religion or politics or difficult issues without having a knock down, drag out brawl, doesn’t mean we can’t learn.

There is a staunch difference between disagreeing respectfully and insulting, degrading, or threatening another human being for having a difference of opinion. Can we not set the expectation of civility and then hold others to account? Can we not say if you chose to demean and threaten me, I will block and report you? Look, I understand that in the comment section of a viral post there might be thousands of responses and that we can’t reasonably respond to them all. I also realize that bots and fake accounts exist for the sole purpose of disseminating hate and disinformation, but that doesn’t mean we give up and stop trying.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I’m afraid of trolls. I’ve been discouraged by the hate and dehumanization that exists in online social spaces. I’ve been afraid to put myself out there because of the very real possibility that someone will run through my comment section yelling, “Conkey is a cunt!” But I think my desire to share joy and hope, to bond with strangers over the beauty and complexity and sometimes pain of existence, might finally be greater than my fear of trolls. Wish me luck, I’m lacing up my sparkle shoes and going out there to get my ass kicked.

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