An anonymous writer reflects on growing up in a home where money was rarely spoken about except when it was missing. This episode sits with the fear that can be quietly passed down through generations—and the courage it takes to question the financial stories we inherit.

Transcript

Hi. I’m Miata.This is Dear Money.

Here, we tell the truth about our relationship with money—the parts we usually keep private.

Each episode, I read and respond to a real letter to money that has been shared anonymously.The goal (for all of us) is never to judge. It also isn’t to fix or to advise.Just to listen, reflect, and try to open some things that’ve been tight or hidden.

Let’s begin.

Letters may be lightly edited for privacy and clarity.

Dear Money—

I’ve been afraid of you for as long as I can remember.

Growing up in a Latino household, we didn’t really talk about you — except when you were missing.

You were always this distant thing. Something to chase, but never quite catch.

I watched my parents struggle with you, constantly worried about where you would come from next. And whenever you disappeared, anxiety filled our home.

I learned early that your presence — or your absence — seemed to control everything.

That fear stuck with me.

Even now, you still feel elusive. Unpredictable. Out of my control.

When I have you, I hold on too tightly, anxious that you’ll disappear as quickly as you arrived.

And when I don’t have you, I feel powerless — like I’m sinking, unable to provide for myself or the people I love.

For most of my life, I’ve been terrified of you.

Sometimes it felt like you were always just out of reach. Other times it felt like I didn’t deserve you at all.

But I’m tired of living like this.

I want to break free from the anxiety that has defined our relationship for so long.

I’ve seen what this fear has done to my family — how it shaped our decisions, our sense of security, even our vision for the future.

It’s a weight we’ve carried for generations.

And I want to be the one who breaks that cycle.

I don’t want to pass this fear down.

I want to change how I see you.

I want to stop feeling like you control me and start realizing that I have a say in this relationship too.

I want you to be something I can welcome into my life with balance and gratitude — something I can use to support myself, my family, and my community.

I want to build a new relationship with you — one where I trust my ability to manage you, use you wisely, and share you in ways that lift others up too.

I want to break the scarcity and fear that were passed down to me and build something different.

A new legacy.

This is my commitment to you, Money.

I know the road won’t be easy.

But I’m ready for a new beginning.

One built on trust, balance, and a better future — for me, and for those around me.

Let’s pause and just sit with that for a moment. Just breathe and let yourself notice anything this letter brings up for you.

What stands out to me first in your letter is how early the relationship with money begins.

Your relationship with money didn’t start with your first bank account or job. It started in the emotional atmosphere of your home.

I think a lot of us can relate to that.

You describe growing up in a household where money wasn’t really discussed except when it was missing.

And it doesn’t happen on purpose, but that kind of environment teaches children that money carries weight.

Anxiety.Uncertainty.Urgency.

When a kid grows up watching adults worry about money, they learn something long before they ever earn their first dollar.

They learn that money can determine how a room FEELS.

Whether it feels calm… or tense.

Whether the people in the room feel secure… or afraid.

So it makes sense that the fear you describe started early because you were paying attention.

You were watching the way money moved through your family and you were noticing the emotional impact it had on the people you loved.

I think that when we’re young we’re pretty good at absorbing those patterns, and they become stories we carry long after the circumstances themselves have changed.

Stories like:

Money disappears.Money can’t be trusted.Money controls everything.

These stories often travel through generations—not because parents want to pass down fear, but just because they’re doing their best to survive their circumstances.

There’s a moment in your letter though where you start to recognize that you don’t have to hang on to this fear you inherited.

And I want to point that out because questioning the beliefs we grew up with can actually feel disloyal.

Especially if they belong to people who protected and raised and loved us.

But breaking a cycle isn’t about rejecting them…It’s about honoring what they carried… while asking whether you still need to carry that burden forward.

You describe wanting to build a new relationship with money.

Rooted in balance.

In gratitude.

In the ability to support your family and your community.

That vision says that the fear you inherited hasn’t turned into resentment or rejection.

It’s turned into a question:

What kind of financial legacy do I want to leave behind?

That question is awesome.

Because we don’t have to have certainty to create generational change. We just have to recognize that the stories we inherited came from real circumstances AND they don’t necessarily have to define the future.

When you share that you wanna have a say in this relationship too? That’s another super important shift.

You’re not pretending that money is always predictable or that your fear is gonna disappear overnight.

But you’re seeing that the relationship with money isn’t something that just happens.

It’s something you participate in.

It will evolve as your understanding grows.

And that is absolutely how you start a new legacy.

Thank you to the writer for trusting me with this letter.And thank you for listening.

Dear Money is a space for honesty, not answers.You don’t need to do anything with what came up today.

If you find yourself holding a truth you haven’t named yet, you’re welcome to write your own letter to money. I’ll be here.

New episodes are published every Thursday.

Until next time.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit miataedoga.substack.com