I've been thinking about wind. About chaos. About what happens when you spend your whole life trying to control everything.

There's a wind card in the Mystical Shaman Oracle deck, and every time I pull it, I think the same thing: I f*ing hate the wind. It represents chaos to me. The uncontrollable.

And I realized something this week. I've been using over-preparation as armor. My way of trying to control everything so I never have to feel that out-of-control wind-in-my-face sensation.

I grip. I plan. I anticipate every variable.

But what that's actually done is keep me from trusting myself.

2024 was the year I resisted the crumbling. 2025 has been about learning to surrender.

I'm standing at a threshold right now - between who I was and who I'm becoming. And I'm beginning to see the wind as an invitation to acknowledge how little I actually control. How much magic becomes available when I stop gripping so tightly and just trust myself to handle what comes.

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