Full Post: https://www.djvalerieblove.com/post/i-forgive-you-dad

In this intimate reflection recorded on what would have been my Dad, Fast Eddie’s 99th birthday, I share the complicated truth of loving a tough father shaped by war, hardship, addiction, and old-school beliefs. From Detroit streets and Coney Island hot dogs to long days at the racetrack and whispered mob connections, I revisit the chaotic, colorful backdrop of my childhood—and the ways it forged my resilience, boundaries, and hustle. 

As I recount a rare conversation we captured on a camcorder about his World War II and Korea memories, I explore the compassion that grew when I finally heard his pain. This episode is a love letter and a letting go: a practice in forgiveness and gratitude for a man who never found peace but taught me grit, commitment, and how to make a killer Sunday sauce. I imagine him riding beside me in the mountains, meeting his grandkids, and seeing the world I love—technology, music, and awe—through softer eyes. Here’s to healing old stories, honoring our complicated people, and choosing to keep our hearts open.

(00:30) Funky Friday and remembering Fast Eddie

(01:04) Growing up near Detroit and a turbulent home

(02:17) Health struggles, alcohol, and not feeling safe

(02:44) Silence about the past and a Coney Island interview plan

(03:44) Anger, school ambition, and patriarchal rules

(05:35) Realizing dads mafia ties and Detroit memories

(07:16) Life at the racetrack and a painful bulimia origin

(10:04) War memories: survivors guilt and compassion

(11:12) Self-medication, soul hole, and glimpses of joy

(11:54) Abandonment, boys homes, and being the peacemaker

(12:57) Forgiveness, gratitude, and a violent world today

(14:15) Imagining dad beside her on a mountain drive

(15:01) Pasta sauce, family warmth, and closure

(15:33) Lessons, hustle, and a birthday goodbye

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