On my 40 By 40 bucket list, I had ‘put washer fluid in my car.’ Had I known where the year would take me, I’d have made loftier goals.

This year, I’ve had a car hit me, head on, while I was driving - and then drive away. That was a nice bill and a little some to kick off 2025. My car then refused to go in to second gear and a mechanic said it needed a new clutch - which didn’t fix it, so now it still won’t go in to second gear AND I had to pay for a new clutch. And finally, I went on a death defying solo journey to Dorset and came home with a fear of night driving.

I still haven’t put washer fluid in my car but I know what it is and where it goes and when I tell you my oil change story, I’m sure you’ll agree that I’m more than capable.

Why I decided it was smart to set off on this journey at 6pm on a Friday night, I don’t know. In hindsight, I should have done a 5am Saturday start instead. It was NOT FUN. Half an hour in, the check oil light comes on. This is the first I’m hearing of it but it’s a long drive so I think it’s probably smart to pull over and check it out. Thinking I’m savvy, I find a garage, google the oil my car needs, buy said oil and sit in the car, watching a YouTube video, wondering where I can find a funnel.

My candle making skills turned out to be transferrable here. I knew I could use my thermometer to train oil in to a bottle, so what’s to stop me using the dip stick to sub in as a funnel? Nothing - worked perfectly, felt like a genius. Before some smart Alec pipes up, I did put the oil in the engine, not the dip stick hole. I scared a man at Screwfix with that very story so just getting ahead of it.

I’d checked the oil level and it appeared to be low. I had no idea how much oil a car could take so I conservatively added around 200ml. The next dip stick check was a bit of a shock, it showed twice as much oil as the car needed. GREAT. By this time, it’s getting dark, I’ve barely begun and google is telling me it’s more dangerous to drive with too much oil than too little. A normal person may have turned around and gone home at that point - not me. I decided to continue and put myself through 4 and a half hours of driving in the dark and torrential rain, constantly worried my car was about to blow up.

Also, I don’t know if you’ve driven through Bath recently but it’s pretty hilly. Difficult without that second gear.

So I finally get to my destination and discover that there’s no such thing as next day prime delivery in the arse end of Mordor, so I decide to head off to a garage the next morning to find something to remove some of this oil. Of course, nothing is open in the countryside.. everywhere closed by the time I got round to it and I was left with screw fix and a plastic syringe kit.

Would that pipe reach the oil? Would it chuff.

This took up a large amount of my weekend - for which I had risked life and limb to attend.

A friend of my friend even came to help. He had a pump and appeared to know what he was doing but he too was getting mixed messages from the dip stick. Apparently I hadn’t put nearly enough oil in to cause it to be over or cause a problem but nobody wanted to add any more - just in case.

The next day I drove the 5 hours home, with the light on, again waiting to explode before I reached the M18.

Thankfully, we have a local mechanic who looked at it and and confirmed I had never added too much oil, he did me an oil change and all has been well ever since. He also told me people wait weeks to deal with oil lights so I needn’t have panicked. WELL THAT’S NOT WHAT GOOGLE SAID, MATT!

I refrained from telling him the story of the time I changed the battery in my own car and set a small fire in the engine. That was one of my greatest accomplishments but every time I went over a bump, the engine cut out. Eventually I had to seek professional help then too. For the car, not for me, although both were needed.

Turned out I hadn’t replaced every nut and bolt and it was just a little bit of a loose connection - but come on! I considered that a win.

So, I can’t drive at night anymore because the horrors persist, but I feel like I’ve made great strides in the car maintenance world. Next year I’m going to learn how to put air in the tyres.

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