I THINK I'M BAD

The cycle is a strange thing when you’ve been through

your brain re-enacts what’s been done to you

you think by going through something you would realize the pain

& hopefully, you’ll never have to go through it again

but what about that good girl or guy that comes to you

& gives you all the things that you're not used to

what happens to them

you’ve been through hell so why is it so hard to appreciate the good

“He’s been good to me but i’ve been bad to him”

DAMAGED to say the least I’ve heard terminology such as “baggage” before

but how do you train your brain not to think the things

about the new person

IS HE CHEATING, WHO IS HE TEXTING, WHERE IS HE GOING EX EX.

My judge mental accusations are the least of my worries however

lets talk about my recent endeavors

I’ve come across something that I call temptation and

I dug myself sooo deep in the situation that

I don’t know how to get out

the same things I used to cry about

the same things I used to complain about

the same shit I used to dream about

I do to Mr. good, I cant explain it

I cant help it its like a fatal attraction

Mr. bad turns me on in ways I cant explain and its crazy cause

Mr. good treats me like a Black queen he might not have all the things I want

or meet all of my emotional expectations all the time

but I can count on him to be faithful and to be my back bone

but you…..you you

Mr.Bad give me something that I’ve absolutely never had

mr. good is my safe haven that I needed

but ……

Mr. bad is smooth sweet considerate ambitious tall brown skin and consistent

as many times as I said NO

the 2X he tried

I can not help but be enticed by the fire dance

every word that leaves his mouth

through those lips just feels right

I haven’t crossed that line physically

but the words that he says to me the way he sings to me

give me a feeling of guilty pleasure

I want him to take me in every place imaginable

I can see it happening your soft lips on my skin

my natural hair pulled straight

by your tight yet warm embrace

the cool guy smiles you’ll flash between kisses and deep hard thrust

I cant help but see this in my dreams as drift in to a lustful sleep

for the past few nights I’ve tossed and Iv’e turned because its your extrovert I yearn

I don’t know if its because I’m not supposed to have you or what

but you hypnotize me

your insight into my deepest desires worries me

i want you to fuck my brain

then I want you to fuck me too

what ever you want I’ll do

writing this makes me realize how much shit I’m in