We’ve all experienced situations that produce intense feelings of fear, blame, and disconnection and cause us to lash out at ourselves or others. Author and researcher Brené Brown explains that this intense feeling is called shame, and it’s a natural part of being human. However, allowing shame to control our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors wreaks major havoc on our health, happiness, and relationships. In I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t), Brown contends that to live a happy, empowered life—and help others to do the same—you must combat shame by practicing empathy toward yourself and others.

This guide will explain what shame is, why it happens, how it impacts our lives, and the techniques and skills we can use to build empathy and combat shame. Throughout the guide, we’ll explore other expert opinions on the causes and impact of shame. We’ll also compare Brown’s ideas to similar concepts in books like The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.