Hey, it’s Marek,

Recording from the last day of my holiday: kids waiting upstairs for movie time, ice cream tub calling my name. This week’s episode is different: instead of algorithmic deep dives, I’m addressing a bot named Oli who had the audacity to tell me, “I understand your frustration.” (It did not.)

What happened? I tried unsubscribing from marketing spam. The website confirmed I was unsubscribed. The emails kept coming. In desperation, I emailed support. A bot named Oli replied within minutes - polite, personalised, and spectacularly unhelpful.

Among other things, Oli told me to contact support... at the exact email address I’d just written to. Bot recursion or just chaos?

So, I wrote Oli’s performance review.

I tried to be nice to Oli though, and give it 5 rules for writing better emails (when you’re a bot):

* ✅ Be polite (Oli got this one right)

* ❌ Immediately admit you’re a bot (Don’t pretend to “understand frustration”)

* ❌ Don’t reply if you can’t help (Route to a human instead)

* ❌ Never redirect people to where they already are (The recursion problem)

* ✅ Give clear instructions for talking to you (”Reply with ‘that helped’” - finally, clarity!)

Oli scored 2 out of 5. But here’s the thing: every company is deploying bots right now, and most haven’t thought about bot manners yet. Those who figure this out first will… have bots that people don’t mind talking to.

PS: This is my first video podcast recording! Some of you might be able to watch me talk about bot emails while trying not to think about the ice cream melting upstairs.

Stay curious!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit marekkowal.substack.com