Identity Matters

I lied to everyone, and it felt good. Not the lying, but what came after.

I told them I'd taken a job in Colorado for two and a half months and had to leave in five days.

The thing is, everyone would have given me their blessing if I'd just asked.

In this episode, I read a raw piece of writing about my mom, and explain what I was really trying to hold onto.

She told me more than once that I was putting her health and safety above her happiness. She was right.

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Awakening is a word a lot of people shy away from before they've looked at what it actually means.

The beliefs you had at five aren't the beliefs you have now. The body isn't the same, the circumstances aren't the same, the stories aren't the same.

When you go looking for the solid, consistent self underneath all that changing, you can't actually find one. But something has been there the whole time, aware of all of it.

In this episode, I look at what falls away when you stop protecting a self that was never solid to begin with.

It isn't something to earn or become worthy of. It's seeing what's already true.

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From the outside, the two things can look identical.

You can go on the same walk, eat the same vegetables, do the same yoga, and have a completely different thing happening underneath.

There's a version of taking care of yourself that comes from delight, and a version that comes from gripping, where every meal is an act of warfare against decline. Your body knows the difference even when you don't.

In this episode, I look at what changes when tending replaces managing.

The body is aging, and the body is healing. Both are true right now, and the mind hates that.

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Most of what we call suffering comes down to one thing, and it isn't complicated.

Believing you're worthy and actually living as that are two completely different lives. You can hold the belief and still perform for approval every day, still white-knuckle your way through every conversation that matters. Belief lives in your head. The other thing comes from somewhere else.

In this episode, I name the one superpower I'd hand you if I could.

There's nothing to become. There's only noticing what's already here.

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The anger left, and I never actually forgave anyone.

Someone I trusted made an error that cost me, then turned it around to look like my fault. I was furious for about a week. Then things settled, even though I wasn't doing anything to settle them.

In this episode, I look at what happened instead of forgiveness, and why that distinction matters more than I expected.

You can fight with reality, but you lose 100% of the time.

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Something in you is already holding what you're in the middle of.

The surface of the ocean can be all whitecaps and wind while the water just below was never disturbed. The sky can hold a hurricane and still be nothing but sky.

In this episode, I look at how easily this stays an idea, and what it's like when it stops being one.

You don't have to fix the storm to find the sky.

I'm offering a free 20 minute session called What's Alive For You. Book your spot here: https://calendly.com/drkathleenperry/free-30-minute-consult 

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Some of the biggest turns in life never feel like decisions at all.

I've come to see that the anxious voice with all its “what-ifs” doesn't go quiet just because clarity has arrived, and it doesn't have to.

That voice can be fully present, listing every reason to slow down, and still not be the one driving. We get stuck because we assume that if it's talking, it must be in charge, so we try to win it over before we're allowed to move.

In this episode, I look at what it's like to follow the next clear step anyway.

You don't need permission from that voice. It was never going to give it, and it never had the authority to withhold it.

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Some of us are gripping something that was never actually connected to where we're going.

I've come to see that certainty isn't something we misplaced, but rather, it was never on offer. Certainty is a feeling, safety is a condition, and you can chase the first forever without landing the second. Underneath the over-planning and over-managing is a quiet belief that if you turn the wheel exactly right, your effort produces the outcome you intended.

In this episode, I look at where that belief gets installed.

Noticing the track doesn't ruin the ride. You can turn the wheel because it's there to be turned, not because the whole ride depends on it.

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What if the tension you feel between wanting and allowing isn’t a problem to solve?

In this episode, I explore why these aren’t true opposites, but rather two ways that life moves through us, like different doors that lead to the same room.

We talk about the quiet freedom of letting yourself want what you want, without clinging to it, and the surprising ease that comes from releasing the need to pick one side.

If you’ve been stuck in an either/or mindset, this is an invitation to live in both...and notice how often you already do.

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After 39 years as a doctor, and the last 4 years that I’ve been coaching, I realized my worth had been shaped by how much I produced and how many people I helped.

Retiring from acupuncture in February, pausing coaching in June, and grieving my mom’s death in March has felt like multiple layers of identity collapsing at once.

I’m discovering that presence brings more meaning, connection, and satisfaction than striving, and I invite you not to rush to replace a lost role, but to let the collapse be real and see what’s underneath.

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