Kim took a real vacation. For what she believes is the first time in her adult life.

The ones before were those "vacations" where the laptop comes out on the beach. They were weeks of checking email only five times a day while everyone else looked on in confusion. This time, it was a full, committed, nothing-on-the-calendar week where she said no to a job offer, canceled future plans to go to a conference, and let her kids make a documentary about Chinese food and hiking.

This episode is a conversation about what it actually takes to disconnect from work when your work feels like a calling, not just a job. Kim sorts through beliefs that kept her in this cycle of not-vacationing. Kim pressure-tests the sneaky ones that sound responsible, and shares what finally broke her open to doing it differently.

Pancho, who has never had this problem, brings a perspective that is alternately baffling and clarifying for Kim: he doesn't vacation to recover from work, he vacations because there are things outside of work worth planning eight months in advance.

Without planning it, this conversation expands both of our understandings of what it means to take a vacation. It gets into identity, leadership, what it means to tie your sense of self to your job title, and why that's a problem whether you're a burnout coach or someone in leadership.

Once you see that you are the asset and no one else can replace you if you run yourself into the ground, you can't unsee it.

Concepts Explored

Toxic productivity vs. genuine vocation: why loving your work makes it harder, not easier, to rest

Identity and work: what happens when your job is also your sense of self

The vacation sensation: heart rate variability, nervous system safety, and what ease actually feels like in the body

Leadership modeling: how the way you vacation shapes the culture your team builds around rest and autonomy

Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources

Masters of Change by Brad Stulberg: referenced in the previous episode on allostasis and change; relevant here for the idea of building stability through intentional recovery cycles

Daniel Kahneman's narrative self vs. experiencing self: referenced by Pancho when discussing whether you're actually enjoying your life, not just proud of the story you tell about it

Now That You See It, Episode 28: Six Habits of the Best Bosses: the relational leadership episode referenced directly in this conversation

Kim's burnout resilience newsletter and upcoming audio series: where the tactical vacation checklist lives; find Kim at kimpaull.com