I'll Have What She's Having with Kris Hall

What do you do when one partner wants sex more than the other? Mismatched libido can leave one person feeling rejected and the other pressured, but it doesn’t mean either of you is broken.

In this episode, I unpack the desire gap: why it happens, how the pursue-and-withdraw cycle can make it worse, and what may be underneath a change in desire.

We’ll look at what in the brain actually causes desire, the two types of desire: spontaneous vs. responsive, the sexual “brakes and accelerators” that shape what turns you on or shuts you down, and how stress, hormones, pain, and relationship dynamics can affect your sex life.

Then I’ll share practical ways to reconnect: map your turn-ons and turn-offs, talk outside the bedroom, take sex off the scoreboard, build an intimacy menu beyond intercourse, and make room for a real, guilt-free no. I also talk about when a desire gap deserves professional support, and why opening a relationship isn’t a quick fix for a desire mismatch.

Whether you’re the higher-desire or lower-desire partner, this is an invitation to get curious, get honest, and make intimacy something you both want to return to.

Find resources and coaching at https://www.thepleasure.engineer

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE) https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

What if the version of you that you've been performing as your whole life… isn't actually you?

In this episode of I'll Have What She's Having, I sit down with Emerant Barclay, a liberation guide, mystic, shadow worker, and former exotic dancer, for one of the most honest conversations I've had on this podcast about identity, masks, freedom, and what it actually takes to come home to yourself.

Emerant has lived in worlds most people would never put together. A degree in finance from one of Canada's top universities. A career in social work. Four years as an exotic dancer. And now, deep spiritual work helping people strip back the layers of who they think they need to be in order to be loved.

This conversation is about the identities we've built, the stories we've mistaken for truth, and what happens when we start asking: who am I underneath all of this?

In this episode we explore:

• What liberation actually means as a daily practice, not just a concept

• Why we build identities and how they can become invisible cages

• How performing can feel safe but costs us the depth of real connection

• What Emerant learned about boundaries, power, and expression from exotic dancing

• Shadow work: why the parts of you that you've been hiding hold your biggest gifts

• The wounds of the feminine and how cultural programming shapes who we think we need to be

• How to tell the difference between intuition and fear

• What it means to "disidentify" from a story you've been living your whole life

• Why rejection of your authentic self hurts more than rejection of your performance, and why that's where the real alchemy happens

• How to start being with what is instead of constantly trying to fix or become something

• Radical self-trust and what it looks like to lead your life from the inside out

  
  

If you've ever felt like you're living behind a mask, if you know there's more of you that wants to come out, or if you're ready to look at the shadows you've been avoiding…

This episode will meet you there.

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Meet Our Guest:

Emerant Barclay is a liberation guide, mystic, energy worker, and shadow dancer. With a background in finance and social work, and years of experience as an exotic dancer, she brings a rare blend of grounded practicality and deep spiritual wisdom to her work. She helps people dissolve the illusions of who they think they need to be and return to the resonant truth of who they actually are.

Podcast: Naked Conversations

IG: @emerantbarclay

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

Why does sex sometimes feel like you're watching it happen instead of actually being in it?

Why is it so hard to answer the question "what do you want?" when a partner asks?

And why does your body sometimes tense up, go numb, or shut down during the moments that are supposed to feel the best?

In this episode of I'll Have What She's Having, I'm getting into one of the most powerful and underrated practices in my entire toolkit as a sex coach. It's something that has completely changed the way I experience sex, the way I trust my body, and the way I show up in relationships.

Most of us, regardless of what's between our legs, have spent our lives disconnected from our own genitals.

We've been taught to perform, to please, to push through.

We've overridden the signals our bodies were sending us because we didn't think we had the right to listen. And then we wonder why sex feels flat, or why we can't seem to fully let go, or why we don't even know what we like.

This episode is about rebuilding that connection. Learning to actually listen to your body, not just during sex, but as a daily practice that changes everything.

I walk you through:

• Why most people are completely disconnected from their sexual center (and don't even realize it)

• What's actually happening when your body tenses, goes numb, or shuts down during sex

• The link between your genitals and your intuition, and why this matters way beyond the bedroom

• 4 simple practices to start rebuilding that connection, whether you have a pussy, a cock, or anything in between

• What consent with your own body actually looks like (and why your body might not trust you yet)

• My personal stories of what happened when I finally started listening, including how my body literally screamed at me after years of being ignored

• How this practice completely transformed my capacity for pleasure, presence, and partnership

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like they're going through the motions during sex, can't figure out what they actually want, or knows something is off but can't name it.

It applies to all bodies. All genders. All genitals.

Your body has been talking to you your whole life. This is how you learn to listen.

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Go Deeper

https://www.krishall.ca

Join our retreat in Mexico:

https://www.krishall.ca/application-wild-women-unleashed

Join the Sex Witch Circle!

https://www.krishall.ca/sex-witch-circle

Sex Coaching:

https://calendly.com/krishall2/consultation-call

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.krishall.ca/the-pleasure-portal

Learn Sex Magic (FREE)

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Use code KRIS10 for 10% off sex toys:

waands.com

Submit your questions:

https://www.krishall.ca/podcast

IG:

https://www.instagram.com/kris.the.pleasure.engineer/

https://www.instagram.com/illhavewhat_shes_having/

What happens when you've done everything "right" and your body still says no?

In this episode, I sit down with Victoria Icenhower, aka The Self-Love Scientist, and she shares something I've honestly never heard anyone talk about so openly: her body shut down her menstrual cycle entirely. No period. No sleep. No desire. Nothing.

She was married, following the path she thought she was supposed to follow, and trying to have a baby. But her body wasn't having it. And it turns out, that was the wake-up call that changed everything.

Victoria's journey from a disconnected, unsatisfying sex life to a deeply embodied pleasure practice is one that so many women will see themselves in.

We get into:

• How shame gets wired into us from childhood and shows up in our sex lives decades later

• Why so many women have never actually gotten to know their own bodies

• The moment Victoria realized she had been dissociating during sex for years

• How a yoni egg became the gateway to reconnecting with her body

• What dearmoring is and why every woman should know about it

• Why your menstrual cycle is a vital sign (and what it means when it disappears)

• The connection between nervous system regulation and sexual pleasure

• How to start a self-pleasure practice even when you've never had one

• Why a woman who knows her own pleasure holds the power

This conversation is for anyone who's ever felt disconnected from their body, gone through the motions during sex, or wondered why pleasure feels so hard to access.

You are not broken. You just haven't been given the tools yet.

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Meet Our Guest:

Victoria Icenhower is a self-love scientist and women's empowerment coach who supports women in cultivating deeper intimacy with themselves through embodiment, confidence, and intentional pleasure practices. After leaving a marriage and losing her menstrual cycle, she embarked on a journey of radical self-discovery that led her to build a practice rooted in sensuality, nervous system healing, and sexual reclamation.

Website: theselflovescientist.com 

Podcast: Love & Lattes

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

What if most of what we've been told about erectile dysfunction is… wrong?

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Elliot Justin, MD - CEO and founder of FirmTech and a leading expert in sextech and sexual health wearables - and what he reveals about erections, arousal, and performance completely challenges the mainstream narrative.

Here's the thing: his research shows that when you remove cardiovascular disease from the equation, men in their 70s can have the same erectile function as men in their 30s.

So if it's not age… what's actually causing it?

Spoiler: it's not what most doctors are telling you.

We get into:

- Why most men don't actually have erectile dysfunction (even if they think they do)

- The real reason men lose erections (hint: it's emotional, not physical)

- How sexual performance is a window into your nervous system, stress levels, and overall health

- The connection between erections and cardiovascular health that could literally save lives

- What "normal" actually looks like at different ages

- How new wearable technology is giving real data about what's happening in the body

- Why penises and vaginas are way more similar than we think

And yes, women may have nocturnal erections too

Whether you have a penis or love someone who does, this episode will shift everything you thought you knew about sexual performance.

The research from Firmtech has genuinely taught us something very important about the human body & sex - let's get into it.

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Meet Our Guest:

Dr. Elliot Justin, MD, is the CEO and Founder of FirmTech and an expert in the intersection of sexual and cardiac health. His award-winning Tech Ring is the first smart intimacy wearable of its kind, enhancing pleasure while tracking essential health metrics. His research is redefining what we understand about erectile health, aging, and arousal.

Discover more at:

myfirmtech.com

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

Let’s talk about (oral) sex baby!

Let’s talk about you and me.... 

Oh yes, to celebrate EPISODE 69 of this podcast, welcome to the Oral Sex Special. 

We found the most asked questions, the most spoken about fears, and the most confusing parts about oral sex, and we talked about it all. 

We’re talking about techniques, myths, communication challenges, confidence, and pleasure principles that can completely change the experience for both partners. 

Great oral sex isn’t about having the best technique (although that doesn’t hurt!). It’s about connection & energy. 

It's about slowing down, paying attention, and learning how to become a more connected, responsive, and generous lover.

This episode talks about:

• The biggest mistakes people make during oral sex

• Why technique matters less than you think

• How to communicate what you actually want

• The difference between performance and pleasure

• Why so many people might feel anxious or self-conscious

• How to create more confidence in the bedroom

• Practical tips that can improve intimacy immediately

Whether you're single, dating, in a long-term relationship, or simply curious about how to create more pleasure in your sex life, this episode is packed with practical advice, honest conversations, and plenty of laughs.

If you've ever felt unsure about oral sex, or wanted a place to talk about it more...

This episode is for you.

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Meet Our Guest

Back once again after the "redefining our relationship” conversation in EP 66, Graham (my ex partner and current lover) comes on to chat about one of his favourite things in the world - where we have a lot of shared history and understanding. 

Find him & his men’s coaching resources at:

grahamzell.ca 

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

Dating can feel confusing, frustrating… and honestly, exhausting.

So many people are trying to “get it right” - say the right thing, act the right way, or not mess it up.

But what if that’s the very thing keeping you stuck?

In this short solo episode, I’m sharing the #1 shift that changes everything when it comes to dating.

It has nothing to do with strategies, rules, or trying to be more confident.

It’s about feeling worthy of the partnership you seek. 

We can talk about self-love all day long, but if you don’t feel worthy of being loved in the way you want to be, you’ll never find the love you’re looking for. 

This episode is less about what to do and more about who you are when you’re doing it.

If dating has ever made you question yourself, shrink, or overanalyze every interaction…

This 15-minute pep talk is exactly what you need. 

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

We talk about confidence all the time.

On this podcast. In dating. Sex. Work. In life really. 

It’s an important skill. 

But… is it a skill? Is it innate? Can it be learned? And what is the root of real confidence? 

And… what if confidence isn’t actually the thing you’re missing?

In this episode of I’ll Have What She’s Having, I sit down with Andrea Janssen - a self-trust guide & confidence coach, to unpack what’s really underneath self-doubt, overthinking, and that constant feeling of second-guessing yourself.

Because here’s the truth: so many people are just using confidence they've gained from experience to get by, instead of developing deep, long lasting, self-trust.

And most of us have been taught to look outside of ourselves for answers - instead of learning how to listen to what’s already happening inside our bodies. 

In this episode, we get into:

• Why confidence is often just surface-level - and what actually creates real self-worth

• The difference between mindset and intuition (and why mindset alone can keep you stuck)

• How the inner critic is actually trying to protect you - and why fighting it doesn’t work

• What it means to be truly present in your body (especially in sex, intimacy, and relationships)

• Why overthinking disconnects you from your intuition - and what to do instead

• How to stop performing, people-pleasing, and outsourcing your worth

• What “being honest with yourself” actually looks like in real life

This conversation goes way beyond the “top tips for confidence”. 

Because, there are different types of confidence. And there are foundational pieces that we need before we can even start to develop confidence itself. 

How do we learn how to trust ourselves in the moments that really matter, where there's no script, no certainty, and no one telling you what to do? 

Whether it’s in the bedroom, in your relationships, or in the decisions you make every day…

This episode will shift the way you relate to yourself.

Meet Our Guest:

Andrea Janssen is a Self-Trust Guide who helps coaches and healers confidently facilitate their client sessions by overcoming self-doubt and trusting their intuition using an intuitive, body-based approach built on over 15 years of experience.

Get her free guide: The Ultimate Inner Critic Interrupter, to start quieting self-doubt and trusting your intuition at  https://www.andreajanssen.net/inner-critic 

Learn more at https://www.andreajanssen.net 

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

What happens when a relationship ends… but the connection doesn’t?

In this episode of I’ll Have What She’s Having, I sit down with my former partner Graham.  

And we get into the real reason we broke up, why it didn’t work between us, and how we’ve transformed our relationship in the 8 months since it happened. 

This break up shook my world. We had been quite serious about moving towards co-habitation, kids, marriage - the whole shebang... 

And then within a week I was so grateful we ended things. 

What happened next has shocked almost everyone in my life - even more than the breakup.  

We stayed not only friends, but lovers as well. We chose to keep the other in our lives in the way that felt the most authentic for us. 

We went through a conscious uncoupling process, and then rebuilt it into something that actually works for who we are now.

In this conversation, we talk about where we were, where we are now, and where we think we’re going. 

We get into:

• Why “ending” a relationship doesn’t have to mean losing the person

• What it really takes to de-escalate without resentment or confusion

• The emotional reality of going from “forever” to something undefined

• Boundaries, communication, and what made this actually work

• Why forcing traditional relationship paths can sometimes do more harm than good

• How to know if transforming a relationship is healthy… or just avoidance

  
  

This isn’t a “how-to.”

We don’t have the answers for you. 

This is just our story. 

It’s an honest (and very vulnerable) look at what it actually took for our relationship to evolve instead of explode.

The most aligned choice for us, wasn’t to hold on tightly, or let go lightly… but change together.  To create something new. 

If you’ve ever wondered:

“Is it possible to stay connected after a breakup?”

“Do all relationships have to follow the same path?”

“Can something end… and still be meaningful?”

This episode will give you a completely new lens.

Let’s get into it.

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Discover Our Guest:

squamishchimney.ca

grahamzell.ca 

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal

Kink. Power. Control. 

Not exactly words most people associate with healing…

But what if they should?

In this episode, I sit down with Bear Phillips, and Intimacy Coach & Touch Therapist, to explore the world of conscious kink. Power dynamics, real consent, Daddy energy, creating cultures of repair, and deeper levels of safety. 

In this episode - we reframe intimacy in a way you may never have thought of before. 

We get into: 

• Why so many people are disconnected from their bodies during sex

• Why so many women have never truly felt safe with men

• How patriarchy impacts men’s emotional and sexual expression

• The difference between performing intimacy vs. actually feeling it

• How power and consent - when done consciously - can become tools for healing

• And the thing most relationships are missing: how to repair after rupture

• And little-big Daddy Dynamics

  
  

Intimacy isn’t just about how you connect when things are good…

It’s about what happens after things break.

And most of us were never taught how to come back together.

This episode is an invitation to look at your relationships, your desires, and your body through a completely different lens.

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Meet Our Guest

Bear (he/ him) is an Intimacy Coach & Touch Therapist, supporting individuals, couples and thruples in expanding pleasure, exploring authentic relating, and deepening into intimacy. In his coaching with men, he works with questions of masculinity and how patriarchy impacts our ability to have meaningful and authentic relationships.

He has been involved in various forms of therapy and personal development for more than half his life, having recently completed the year-long *Compassionate Inquiry* Professional Training with Gabor Maté. His first book; Feminism Will Make a Man Out of You! Is due for release in 2027.

www.bearphillips.co.uk

Substack:    @bearphillips1 – bearphillips1.substack.com/

IG:    @bear_phillips – instagram.com/bear_phillips/

FB:   Bear Phillips – facebook.com/bearphillipsUK

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Find resources and coaching at ⁠https://www.thepleasure.engineer 

Mexico Retreat: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/wild-women-unleashed 

Sex Witch Circle: https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-witch-circle 

Download The Pleasure Portal (FREE)

https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portal