This week, I’ve been reflecting on how little control I actually have over outcomes—and how much frustration comes from forgetting that.

Through Marcus Aurelius, I’m reminded that it’s not just my thoughts I need to manage, but my impulses and expectations too. I can choose what I agree with, and I can choose how I act—but I can’t control how things turn out. And that’s where I tend to struggle.

I make plans for my day, and when something small throws it off, like getting stuck waiting on a bridge, it feels bigger than it should. Not because the situation is that serious, but because I’ve already decided how things were supposed to go. When reality doesn’t match that expectation, frustration follows.

What I’m starting to see is that a lot of my stress comes from attachment. Not just to outcomes, but to how I think things should be.

I also notice how impulsive I can be—especially with my time and money. I tell myself I need to relax after work, and before I know it, hours are gone to distractions that don’t really move my life forward. The same goes for spending. If I see something I want and I have the money, I justify it in the moment, even if it sets me back long-term.

It’s not that rest or enjoyment is wrong—but without intention, it turns into excess.

And that’s where this idea of acting with “reservation” hits home. I can still make plans, still take action, still care about improving my situation—but I need to leave space for things to not go perfectly. I need to stop acting like every impulse deserves to be followed, and every plan deserves to succeed exactly as I imagined.

Because they won’t.

Life has a cost to it. Time, effort, setbacks—none of it is optional. I spend a lot of energy resisting that, wishing things were easier or different. But avoiding those “taxes” doesn’t remove them, it just makes me less prepared to deal with them.

What I need to focus on instead is how I show up.

Am I using my time well?
 Am I acting in a way that actually matters?
 Or am I just reacting to whatever I feel in the moment?

I’m not great at this yet. Most days, I still drift. I distract myself, avoid problems, and act on impulse more than intention. And when things don’t go my way, I take it harder than I should.

But I’m starting to understand that the goal isn’t to control everything—it’s to act with purpose, without demanding a specific result.

That’s the shift I’m working toward.

To care about my effort more than the outcome. To leave room for uncertainty instead of fearing it. And to remind myself that not every thought needs agreement, and not every impulse needs action.

If I can get even a little better at that, I think I’ll feel a lot less thrown off by life.

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Mediations and Prompts influenced from The Daily Stoic Books

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