I have always said, ¨I know I am fantastic, but I do not know why you think you are.¨ THAT was the essence of my imposter syndrome: jealousy. He were people that were so boldly empty and truly the epicenter of their world/ the universe, and, I, LOVE, was struggling to even be a participant in mine. My envy was not in their talent because I was, consistently, surprised by how much talent there was in the world and how much it would be ignored for someone confident enough to claim it when they did not have it. THAT was the REAL talent of my dad: to  love no one, hurt everyone, and still manage and desire to be the center of all. Lucifer would be proud of him. Yet, that ability to follow his desire, at all costs, and with no moral finding or foundation is what even made me jealous of him because it is what his abuse crushed in me: the power to believe wanting something is enough reason to get it. 

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