Who will care for my child when I can't? For parents raising children with profound autism, the question of adulthood can feel impossibly far away—until suddenly it isn't.

Nicole Milo's son Caleb entered residential care at five and spent 17 years living hours from his family. As adulthood approached, Nicole confronted the disability-services cliff and realized the existing options didn't match the life she envisioned for him. So she began building another one.

Nicole joins Sarah Kernion to discuss profound autism, residential care, guardianship, adult services, caregiver grief, advocacy, collaboration and House of Hope, the micro-residential model she created to bring Caleb back to his community.

This is a conversation about planning long before 21—and allowing ourselves to ask a question many exhausted parents have stopped asking: What would the best possible adult life for my child actually look like?

Parents of neurodivergent children become extraordinary observers. We notice what happened before the meltdown, how our child slept, what changed at school, which transition was difficult and what worked last time. The problem? We're also exhausted...and much of that knowledge lives entirely inside our heads.

Allison Dickin, mother, UX researcher and founder of Neuraparent, joins Sarah Kernion to explore how AI can help parents recognize patterns without pretending technology knows their child better than they do.

They discuss behavior as information, why generic parenting advice often fails neurodivergent children, reducing the cognitive load of tracking, trusting parental expertise, and using technology to turn thousands of small observations into greater clarity.

The goal isn't to optimize or “solve” our children. It's to remain curious about them and give what we're already noticing somewhere to live. Parents of neurodivergent children become data collectors almost by accident. We remember the difficult transition before a meltdown, the night of poor sleep, the food our child didn't eat, the strategy that worked twice but failed the third time, the teacher's observation and the subtle shift nobody else would necessarily notice. The information is valuable. The person carrying it is also exhausted

Allison's path began with her own son. Generic advice about boundaries, consequences and rewards didn't adequately explain what she was seeing. A major shift came when she encountered Ross Greene's idea that children do well when they can. Instead of asking how to stop a behavior, Allison began asking what might be getting in her child's way.That same curiosity became foundational to Neuraparent. Rather than asking exhausted parents to maintain elaborate spreadsheets, the platform allows them to quickly record what they're noticing and, over time, look for larger patterns: What consistently helps this child? What makes things harder? Which parenting strategies seem to backfire? 

Sarah and Allison also confront an important tension in the age of AI. More data isn't automatically better, and technology shouldn't become another demand for optimization. The promise isn't that an algorithm will know a child better than their parent. It's that technology might help organize what the parent already knows.
Because parental intuition isn't the opposite of data. Often, it's where the data begins.

Topics Discussed
Neurodivergent parenting, AI and parenting, parenting technology, pattern recognition, caregiver cognitive load, parental intuition, behavior as communication, ADHD parenting, autistic children, meltdowns, emotional regulation, caregiver regulation, parenting strategies, IEP advocacy, parent expertise, caregiver burnout, parenting data, child behavior patterns, individualized parenting, Ross Greene, collaborative parenting, caregiver confidence and tracking progress.

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Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast for caregiver stories, conversations about nonverbal autism, and honest perspectives on special needs parenting, profound autism, communication, behavior, caregiver mental health, education, advocacy, technology and raising children with significant support needs.

What should good ABA therapy actually look like in 2026? Leah Gross, founder of Circle Care Services and an occupational therapist and BCBA, joins Sarah Kernion to discuss how ABA has evolved and why autism therapy should be individualized, collaborative, compassionate, and built around the whole child.
Leah brings sensory regulation, environment, play, communication, and behavior into the same conversation.

She and Sarah discuss behavior as communication, why parents must help shape the care plan, how skills should generalize into real family life, and the difference between building agency and simply teaching compliance.

For parents navigating ABA, the question becomes less “Is ABA good or bad?” and more: Does this therapy help my child communicate, feel safe, build meaningful skills, and participate more fully in their own life?

When a nonspeaking autistic child can't reliably tell you their stomach hurts, they're exhausted, or something feels different, how do parents make sure everything happening in their body isn't simply attributed to autism?

Greer McGuinness, registered dietitian, functional medicine practitioner, founder of Biomedical Healing for Kids, and autism mom, joins Sarah Kernion to explore that question. Greer shares her son's developmental regression, her search for answers, and why she began looking more closely at nutrition, gut health, testing, and co-occurring medical concerns.
They discuss the tension between conventional and functional medicine, individualized care, caregiver observation, and why supporting a child's health doesn't require rejecting or trying to “fix” who they are.
The question underneath it all: Are we looking at the whole child?

In This Episode
00:00 When everything gets attributed to autism
01:31 Greer's son's early development and regression
04:45 Receiving an autism diagnosis and questioning what changed
05:34 Following the traditional autism therapy path
06:23 The friend who introduced Greer to biomedical conversations
07:48 Studying functional medicine and autism research
09:16 Beginning supplements and noticing changes in her son
10:36 Using data to track progress
12:03 Where Greer starts with families: nutrition and gut health
13:17 Co-occurring medical conditions versus “just autism”
14:54 What do we actually know about the gut and autism?
15:42 Why Greer wants conventional and functional medicine to work together
16:40 Supporting health versus trying to “cure” autism
18:20 Profound support needs and communication
20:00 Why another family's success doesn't predict your child's response
20:38 When a popular protocol made things worse for Greer's son
21:40 Parent intuition, experimentation, and discernment
22:35 Working with conventional and functional practitioners
24:11 Why parents often look to doctors for permission
25:03 When Greer disagreed with her developmental pediatrician
27:30 Standard of care versus individualized care
28:27 Looking at an autistic child's health isn't the same as trying to fix autism
29:47 Greer's resources for families
Topics Discussed
Profound autism, nonspeaking autism, developmental regression, functional medicine, biomedical approaches to autism, nutrition, gut health, gut microbiome, feeding challenges, constipation, sleep, co-occurring medical conditions, supplements, individualized care, caregiver observation, parent advocacy, conventional medicine, functional testing, autism research, and whole-child health.
Key Questions Answered
1. How can parents distinguish autism-related differences from possible medical problems?
2. What does a biomedical or functional medicine approach to autism actually mean?
3. Where does Greer suggest families begin when exploring whole-child health?
4. Why does she focus on nutrition and gastrointestinal health?
5. What can constipation, sleep changes, feeding issues, or behavior potentially tell parents?
6. Why can the same supplement or protocol affect children differently?
7. How can parents document changes rather than relying solely on memory?
8. Can conventional and functional medicine work together?
9. How can parents advocate when their clinician disagrees with an approach they want to explore?
10. Can parents accept their autistic child while still investigating pain, discomfort, or co-occurring health problems?

Resources

Greer McGuinness holds a Master of Science in Nutrition and Dietetics, is a Registered Dietitian, Certified Detox Specialist, Certified Master Herbalist, Certified Lyme Specialist, and a Certified Mental Health Specialist. Based in New York, she owns Biomedical Healing for Kids, a virtual Private Practice. As a dedicated professional with almost 20 years of experience, Greer has made significant contributions to the field of pediatric health. Her expertise lies in detoxifying toxins, enhancing gut health, and optimizing nutrient status. As a published researcher, she has focused on Autism and alternative medicine, showcasing her commitment to exploring innovative approaches to healthcare. Greer is a trailblazer in her field, having developed the pioneering Detoxing Toxins in Pediatrics course. Through her Rebalance Roadmap, she empowers parents and healthcare providers to safely and effectively detoxify toxins in children. By incorporating biomedical testing and integrative treatments, she aims to facilitate the advancement of children's developmental abilities, enabling them to lead active and healthier lives. Greer's passion for holistic health and her dedication to pediatric well-being make her a respected figure in the realm of nutrition and alternative medicine.

Follow Greer McGuinness and Biomedical Healing for Kids for education about nutrition, functional medicine, gut health, laboratory testing, and her approach to supporting children with autism and other complex needs.
Explore Greer's free Biomedical Workbook and ebooks, including information she provides for parents who want to learn more about laboratory testing and questions they can discuss with their child's healthcare providers.

For evidence-based information about autism and co-occurring medical conditions, families can also consult resources from the American Academy of Pediatrics, National Institutes of Health, and their child's licensed medical team before making significant dietary, supplement, or treatment changes.

Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast for caregiver stories, conversations about nonverbal autism, and honest perspectives on special needs parenting, profound autism, communication, medical complexity, caregiver wellbeing, advocacy, education, and raising children with significant support needs.

What if the goal isn't to make your child's anxiety disappear? Jennifer Cohen Harper, founder of Little Flower Yoga, joins Sarah Kernion to explore childhood anxiety, nervous system regulation, sensory overwhelm, mindfulness, and what children actually need from us when they're struggling. Jennifer reframes anxiety as information rather than an enemy and explains why reassurance like “you're okay” or “take a deep breath” may not reach a child whose nervous system is already overwhelmed. Instead, parents can reduce overstimulation, increase connection, use sensory anchors, and first regulate themselves. This conversation explores the difference between supporting and accommodating anxiety, why overwhelmed children often cannot learn in the hardest moment, and how parents can build capacity without making children feel they need to be fixed. The inchstone? Ask yourself: What is my role right now?

In This Episode
00:00 Why the goal isn't eliminating childhood anxiety
02:01 Navigating anxiety instead of trying to make it disappear
03:18 Anxiety is information
05:37 Normal anxiety versus anxiety that disrupts daily life
06:14 Supporting children without doing everything for them
08:10 Two things that make anxiety worse: overwhelm and disconnection
09:28 Reducing sensory overstimulation
11:13 Using one sensory experience as an anchor
12:18 How sensory input can help children orient to safety
14:36 Why parents need to orient themselves first
16:46 Regulation, co-regulation, and connection
18:03 When a parent's need to “fix it” can increase anxiety
19:08 Why helping others can build competence in children
21:44 Mindfulness for parents and children
22:09 Not every difficult parenting moment is an emergency
23:38 Don't teach the skill during the overwhelm
24:33 Connection can look different for different children
26:02 Build skills after the nervous system settles
28:50 Jennifer's “layers of sound” mindfulness practice
31:28 Why mindfulness isn't simply about calming down
32:55 Teaching children to trust their bodies
34:09 The question parents can ask themselves in an anxious moment
35:22 Being with your child instead of immediately changing them

Topics Discussed
Childhood anxiety, nervous system regulation, co-regulation, sensory overwhelm, mindfulness, sensory anchors, parenting anxious children, autism and anxiety, caregiver regulation, emotional resilience, window of tolerance, connection, accommodation versus support, parental anxiety, body awareness, child development, and building capacity.

Key Questions Answered
1. Should parents try to eliminate their child's anxiety?
2. What does it mean to say “anxiety is information”?
3. When does normal childhood anxiety require additional support?
4. Why doesn't reassurance always work when a child is overwhelmed?
5. How are sensory overwhelm and anxiety connected?
6. What is a sensory anchor, and how can parents use one?
7. Why should parents regulate themselves before trying to regulate their child?
8. What's the difference between supporting anxiety and accommodating it?
9. Should parents teach coping skills during a meltdown or anxious episode?
10. How can children gradually develop greater capacity for uncomfortable feelings?

Resources

Jennifer Cohen Harper is a mindfulness and yoga educator, equine assisted learning facilitator, author, and founder of Little Flower Yoga, widely recognized for its trauma-informed school programming and training for educators and mental health providers. Jenn has spent two decades helping children and caregivers navigate anxiety and build inner resources. She is also the founder of Mindfulness with Horses, where she facilitates retreats for adults and families to build connection, compassion and courage. Jenn’s work has been featured in notable publications such as Psychotherapy Networker, The International Journal of Yoga Therapy, and The New York Times, and endorsed by thought leaders including Daniel Siegel, Mona Delahooke, Sharon Salzberg, and Rick Hanson. Jenn teaches regularly at leading retreat centers, offering practical, compassionate tools for embodied healing.

Learn more about Jennifer Cohen Harper and Little Flower Yoga & Mindfulness with Horses, including her work supporting children, families, educators, and communities through mindfulness, movement, and nervous system-informed practices. Explore Jennifer's Navigating Anxiety in Children program through the Omega Institute for a deeper exploration of helping children develop a healthier relationship with anxiety and build tools for navigating difficult experiences.

Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast for caregiver stories, conversations about nonverbal autism, and honest perspectives on special needs parenting, profound autism, communication, behavior, sensory needs, caregiver wellbeing, nervous system regulation, education, and raising children with significant support needs.

Can one autism diagnosis adequately describe people whose abilities, challenges, communication, independence, and lifelong support needs may be radically different?

In this episode of the INCHSTONES Podcast, Sarah Kernion sits down with fellow autism mother Laurie Dove for a candid conversation about the autism spectrum, diagnosis, profound support needs, parenting, nervous system regulation, advocacy, and what happens when families with very different lived experiences try to talk honestly with one another.

This isn't a conversation about deciding whose autism is harder.
It isn't a competition.

It's a conversation about whether we can acknowledge the enormous heterogeneity within autism while maintaining dignity and respect for everyone who carries the diagnosis.

Sarah and Laurie explore how broad the autism spectrum has become and why that can sometimes make conversations about autism confusing for parents, autistic adults, clinicians, advocates, and the public. They discuss the importance of listening to autistic people who can describe their internal experiences while also making room for families caring for children and adults who cannot reliably communicate their needs and may require substantial lifelong support.
The conversation also moves from the abstract debate about autism into the minute-to-minute reality of caregiving.
For some families, everyday activities that appear simple from the outside can require enormous amounts of preparation, patience, regulation, and co-regulation. Sarah and Lori discuss the role a parent's nervous system can play in those moments and why understanding behavior requires looking beyond what is immediately visible.

They also wrestle with one of the most difficult dynamics in modern autism advocacy: how to disagree without dismissing another person's lived experience. Acknowledging profound autism does not require minimizing autistic people with lower support needs. Listening to autistic adults does not require ignoring parents caring for children with significant disabilities. And recognizing differences across the spectrum does not mean measuring whose life is harder.

There has to be room for more than one truth.
The goal of this conversation isn't to settle the autism debate.
It's to make the conversation itself more honest.
To ask another question.
To listen again.
And to remain curious enough to recognize that understanding autism may require us to hold experiences very different from our own.

In This Episode
00:00 Why difficult autism conversations need to happen out loud
01:59 What an autism diagnosis means today
05:50 Understanding the enormous differences across the autism spectrum
06:52 Why heterogeneity matters when talking about autism
12:02 Parents, advocacy, and making room for different perspectives
18:04 The minute-to-minute realities of autism parenting
19:31 When everyday life requires constant regulation and support
23:58 Bridging very different experiences of autism
25:41 Why we need to talk about what's actually happening
26:20 Autism isn't a contest or competition
29:56 Ask another question and listen again
Topics Discussed
Autism spectrum disorder, autism diagnosis, profound autism, autism heterogeneity, autism advocacy, special needs parenting, caregiver stories, nervous system regulation, co-regulation, daily caregiving, autistic lived experience, parental perspectives, support needs, autism identity, respectful disagreement, community, curiosity, and making room for different experiences across the autism spectrum.

Key Questions Answered
1. Can one autism diagnosis adequately describe people with radically different support needs?
2. What does heterogeneity within the autism spectrum actually mean for families?
3. Why can conversations about profound autism become contentious?
4. How can parents and autistic adults listen to experiences very different from their own?
5. Can profound support needs be acknowledged without diminishing autistic identity or dignity?
6. Why shouldn't conversations about autism become competitions over who has it harder?
7. What role does parental nervous system regulation play in everyday autism caregiving?
8. Why can seemingly ordinary daily routines become extraordinarily difficult for some autistic children and families?
9. How can the autism community have difficult conversations without dismissing one another?
10. What changes when we approach disagreement with curiosity rather than certainty?

Resources

Find all of Laurie's advocacy work on Instagram at Everyday Autism Essentials
Learn more about autism spectrum disorder, diagnosis, and the wide range of abilities and support needs associated with autism through resources from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institute of Mental Health.
For families navigating significant or lifelong support needs, explore research and advocacy conversations surrounding profound autism and the experiences of individuals who require substantial assistance with communication, safety, daily living, and care.
Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast for caregiver stories, conversations about nonverbal autism, and honest perspectives on special needs parenting, profound autism, communication, behavior, sensory needs, caregiver wellbeing, education, advocacy, and raising children with significant support needs.

What happens when the autism services your child needs simply aren’t available where you live?
Danielle Fields knows the answer because she moved across four states trying to find them.
In this episode of the INCHSTONES Podcast, Sarah Kernion sits down with Danielle, mother and fierce advocate for her 19-year-old autistic son, Paul, to talk about the extraordinary decisions families make when their children’s educational and support needs aren't being met.

Danielle began her journey in California, where Paul was diagnosed with autism at age two. She quickly discovered one of the most frustrating realities of special needs parenting: being told what services your child needs means very little when there aren't enough people available to actually provide them. So she moved. From California to Nevada. From Nevada to Georgia. And eventually from Georgia to New Jersey. Each state taught Danielle something different about autism services, special education, IEPs, and advocacy. But the moves came with enormous costs. Danielle had been preparing for law school before Paul's diagnosis changed the trajectory of her life. Repeatedly relocating meant leaving jobs, rebuilding professionally, moving farther from family and friends, and expending the kind of emotional, physical, financial, and mental energy that caregivers of children with significant support needs understand all too well.
Then, in New Jersey, something happened Danielle wasn't expecting. Paul's own public school team told her they didn't believe the next available district program was appropriate for him. They recommended an out-of-district placement, opening the door to a private special education program chosen around Paul's individual needs. Danielle and Sarah discuss the difference between accepting the program a system happens to offer and advocating for the education an individual child actually requires. They talk about IEPs, out-of-district placement, caregiver exhaustion, the professional sacrifices mothers make, rebuilding community far from home, and what happens when advocacy becomes part of motherhood itself. Danielle also shares one of the simplest strategies she uses when fear and uncertainty become overwhelming: write it down. Put the fear on paper, get it out of your head, and begin identifying what you can actually do next. Ultimately, this conversation is about trusting yourself enough to keep asking a deceptively simple question:

What does my child actually need?
Because children with disabilities shouldn't have to reshape themselves around whatever services happen to be available. Our systems should be able to respond to the child standing in front of them.

Resources:
Learn more about special education, IEP advocacy, and the educational rights of students with disabilities through the U.S. Department of Education’s Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) resources.

Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast for caregiver stories, conversations about nonverbal autism, and honest perspectives on special needs parenting, profound autism, communication, advocacy, caregiver wellbeing, special education, IEPs, and raising children with significant support needs.

About Danielle Fields
Danielle M. Fields is the proud mother and "mama bear" advocate for her 19-year-old son, Paul, who was diagnosed with autism at age two. She remains deeply committed to autism advocacy and intends to continue that work throughout her life.

Danielle Fields (Facebook)
@team_uv_3 (Instagram)
@thedmarieaesthetic (Instagram)
@autismadvocacysupermom (Instagram)

In This Episode:
00:00 When autism services depend on your ZIP code
02:01 Meet Paul: Danielle's 19-year-old autistic son
03:26 Realizing California couldn't provide the services Paul needed
05:18 What moving for autism services cost Danielle personally and professionally
06:33 Turning grief and anger into advocacy
08:17 How repeated moves affected Danielle's career
09:13 What Danielle found when she finally reached New Jersey
11:30 The exhaustion special needs mothers carry
12:35 Discovering out-of-district special education placement
14:51 The IEP versus whatever program a school happens to offer
15:52 Why parental intuition matters in special education advocacy
17:26 What happens when you're the only person telling you to keep going
18:47 Danielle's strategy for fear: write it down
20:02 The hidden cost of moving away from family for disability services
21:42 Danielle's inchstone: trust your instincts
22:45 Why a child's education shouldn't depend on where they live

Topics Discussed:
Autism services by state, special needs parenting, autism school advocacy, IEPs, special education, out-of-district placement, private special education, caregiver burnout, maternal advocacy, caregiver mental health, moving for disability services, parental intuition, educational inequity, family support, career sacrifices, autism across the lifespan, and parenting an autistic young adult.

Key Questions Answered:
1. Why do some families move to another state for autism services?
2. How can autism and special education services differ depending on where a family lives?
3. What is an out-of-district school placement?
4. What happens when a public school cannot appropriately meet an autistic student's needs?
5. How can parents distinguish between what's available and what their child actually needs?
6. What can repeated advocacy and relocation cost a caregiver professionally and emotionally?
7. How can parents approach an IEP when they believe their child's current program isn't appropriate?
8. How does caregiver burnout affect special needs mothers over many years?
9. How can parents make decisions when they're overwhelmed by conflicting advice?
10. What did Danielle learn from raising and advocating for Paul from childhood into young adulthood?

What happens when a father whose career is built around managing risk is handed something he can’t plan his way out of? In this episode of the INCHSTONES Podcast, Sarah Kernion talks with autism advocate and corporate risk management professional Mike Hanner about raising his eight-year-old son Kingston, who is nonspeaking, autistic, and has apraxia. Mike spends his professional life anticipating what could happen, assessing uncertainty, and building systems designed to protect people from risk. Then came profound autism.

Kingston met early developmental milestones, used words, sang and danced. Mike describes the pain of watching his son lose previously used speech and skills and the years it took him to understand that Kingston’s inability to reliably speak did not mean there wasn’t far more happening inside him. That realization changed the questions Mike began asking. Instead of only asking how to manage a symptom or behavior, he became increasingly interested in what might be happening underneath it.

His office now contains multiple whiteboards filled with treatments, tests, therapies, diagnoses, and questions - a visual representation of a father determined to keep learning. Sarah and Mike talk candidly about navigating conventional medicine alongside Mike’s interest in biomedical and functional approaches. Mike is equally clear about something important: he is skeptical of anyone claiming to have one solution that works for every autistic child. The conversation instead centers on curiosity, collaboration with qualified practitioners, individualized decision-making, and the difficulty of evaluating emerging or contested approaches when your child cannot reliably tell you what hurts or how they feel.
They also explore something discussed far less often: what profound autism can do to the family system.
Two parents can love the same child completely and still have dramatically different capacities, coping styles, beliefs, and approaches to helping that child. Mike discusses the friction that can create inside marriages and partnerships - and why caring for the family itself cannot become an afterthought.

Underneath the entire conversation is a question with no simple answer: How do you prepare for a future you never planned for? Mike’s answer isn’t certainty. It’s learning to live differently with uncertainty.

Find your people. Ask better questions. Avoid the landmines other families have already encountered. Remain hopeful about what may be possible while preparing responsibly for significant lifelong needs.
And above all, don’t become so consumed by the answer you’re still searching for that you miss the progress already happening. Because sometimes the progress isn’t a milestone. It’s an inchstone.

Mike Hanner is a national employee benefits risk management executive who has spent his career helping employers navigate the complexities of group health insurance and healthcare strategy. More importantly, he is a father to an 8-year-old son with profound regressive autism. Mike and his family have spent years navigating the often-overwhelming world of autism: specialists, therapies, testing, treatments, schools, insurance, and the constant search for answers. He joined Sarah Kernion on Inchstones to share a father’s perspective on raising a child with significant support needs, navigating the many landmines families encounter, and advocating for his son every step of the way.

Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast for honest caregiver stories about nonverbal autism, special needs parenting, profound autism, caregiver burnout, disability, communication, family life, and the realities of raising children with significant support needs.

What if the behavior you’re trying to change is actually telling you something?

In this episode of the INCHSTONES Podcast, Sarah Kernion talks with developmental psychologist and learning support specialist Dr. Amy See about nonverbal autism, special needs parenting, behavior, nervous system regulation, and learning to see the whole child before deciding what their behavior means. Parents of autistic children become accustomed to watching closely. Is my child listening? Why aren’t they responding? Why could they do this yesterday but not today? Is this refusal? Inattention? A sensory issue? A developmental delay? A behavior we need to correct?

But Dr. See encourages parents and educators to slow down before assigning meaning. Because the same child can look very different in different environments. A child who struggles in a bright, noisy classroom may function very differently at home. A child who appears unable to participate in one environment may demonstrate far more ability when they feel calm, safe, connected, and regulated. For children with nonverbal autism, non-speaking autism, or significant communication and motor challenges, that distinction becomes especially important. What a child can demonstrate in a particular moment isn’t necessarily the same as what that child understands.

Sarah shares what she has observed with Milly and Mack: even a response to something they understand can sometimes arrive much later than expected. A glance, movement, transition, or acknowledgment that takes longer to appear doesn’t necessarily mean the original language wasn’t received. Sometimes processing simply doesn’t happen on our timetable.

Dr. See introduces a simple framework she uses when looking beneath behavior: capacity, safety, and regulation.
What capacity does this child have in this moment? Do they feel safe and secure in this environment? Is their nervous system regulated, or is it overloaded? Rather than beginning with “Why is this child behaving this way?”, those questions allow parents, teachers, and clinicians to become curious about what the behavior may be communicating.
Sarah and Amy also explore the pressure many special needs parents feel to turn nearly every moment into an opportunity for progress. When your child is developmentally behind, letting them wander through the backyard, play independently, or engage in an activity without a therapeutic objective can almost feel irresponsible.
But play has value precisely because it isn’t always directed toward an outcome. Children need opportunities to rest, explore, consolidate what they’re learning, follow their interests, and experience connection without constantly being asked to perform. And sometimes one of the most powerful ways to connect with a nonverbal child isn’t asking them to enter our world at all. It’s entering theirs. Watch what brings them joy. Sit beside them. Pick up the object they’re fascinated by. Repeat the movement. Listen to the song. Join the play.

Because before we decide what a child needs to learn next, we may need to become much better at seeing the child who is already in front of us.

In This Episode
00:00 – Why INCHSTONES looks at the whole child
01:45 – Dr. Amy See's background in developmental psychology and learning support
02:45 – Why every child begins to make more sense when we understand what they need
03:25 – Observing children before trying to change them
03:55 – Nature and nervous system regulation
04:55 – Why environment can completely change a child's behavior
05:55 – Non-speaking autism, apraxia, and what children can demonstrate
06:45 – Why calm environments can reveal different abilities
08:05 – Developmental age versus chronological age
08:30 – Delayed responses don't necessarily mean a child didn't understand
10:15 – Celebrating responses that others might overlook
10:55 – What “all behavior is communication” actually means
11:20 – Capacity, safety, and regulation: Dr. See's CSR framework
12:45 – Why parents can catastrophize small developmental differences
14:30 – Frequency, severity, and looking for patterns before drawing conclusions
15:55 – Why caregiver regulation matters, too
16:20 – The pressure to optimize every moment of childhood
17:40 – Why independent play and downtime matter
18:45 – Connection as one of life's great luxuries
19:50 – Stop asking children, “Why can't you just focus?”
20:20 – Ask instead: “What lights you up?”
21:10 – Finding connection with nonverbal and non-speaking children
22:05 – Why refusal may actually be difficulty and inattention may be overwhelm
23:00 – Dr. See's inchstone: slow down enough to notice your child

Resources:

Subscribe to the INCHSTONES Podcast for caregiver stories, conversations about nonverbal autism, and honest perspectives on special needs parenting, profound autism, communication, behavior, sensory needs, caregiver wellbeing, education, and raising children with significant support needs.

You can find Dr. Amy See on her Substack and dig more into her incredible work, starting with this foundational article: Connection Before Correction — why safety has to come before a child can actually learn anything

Dr. Amy See is a developmental psychologist and Learning Support Specialist working within an international school community, and mother of two boys. She writes The (WHOLE) CHILD on Substack, exploring child development through what she calls a "rose-coloured lens" - assuming competence and good intent first, then asking what a child's environment, nervous system, or developmental stage might be asking of them. Her work sits at the intersection of clinician, educator, and parent, covering everything from connection-before-correction parenting to the science behind letter reversals.

Special needs parenting can keep a caregiver's nervous system on high alert long after the immediate crisis has passed. In this episode of the INCHSTONES Podcast, Sarah Kernion talks with Stacey Uhrig, founder of Flip Your Mindset, about caregiver burnout, nervous system regulation, chronic stress, and what happens to parents after years of caring for children with significant support needs. Autism families spend enormous amounts of time learning about their children.
Communication. Behavior. Sensory needs. Therapies. Education. Regulation. But Sarah and Stacey turn the lens around and ask a different question: What happens to the parent?

Stacey explains why parenthood can expose coping strategies and patterns that may have been operating quietly for decades. Perfectionism. People pleasing. Conflict avoidance. Caretaking. Deprioritizing yourself to meet everyone else's needs. Those adaptations may once have served a purpose. But combine them with the demands of special needs parenting, nonverbal autism, intensive caregiving, and chronic uncertainty, and caregivers can eventually feel like a shell of who they once were. Stacey introduces the idea of the “invisible backpack” we each carry: our lived experiences, the meaning we've assigned to them, what we've learned to believe about ourselves and others, and the coping strategies we've developed along the way. Sometimes we're still carrying things that no longer belong in the backpack.
Sarah and Stacey explore what happens when those old patterns collide with the extraordinary demands of raising a child with disabilities—and why caregiver wellness isn't another responsibility parents should feel guilty about failing to accomplish. It's part of sustaining yourself for the long haul.

They also explore parts work and polyvagal theory, including how Stacey uses these frameworks with clients to understand stress responses, anxiety, overwhelm, shutdown, perfectionism, people pleasing, and the feeling so many adults describe as: “I don't even know who I am anymore.”

And then there's co-regulation. Sarah shares how raising children with profound support needs has forced her to recognize something uncomfortable but powerful: her children experience her regulation, too.
The morning routine still happens. The pull-up still needs changing. Teeth still need brushing. Transitions still need navigating. A parent's internal state doesn't erase the child's disability, but it can influence the environment in which both parent and child are trying to function. Stacey describes this as an invitation to stop believing the only solution is changing the child. Sometimes the environment changes when we change how we enter it.

This is not another conversation telling exhausted special needs parents to meditate, take a bath, or add one more item to their self-care checklist. It's a conversation about understanding what's happening inside you. Because caregiver burnout isn't always evidence that you're incapable of carrying your life. Sometimes it's information about how long your body has been carrying it.

Learn more about Stacey Uhrig and Flip Your Mindset, including her work around nervous system regulation, parts work, trauma, and personal transformation.

WEBSITE: www.flipyourmindset.com
● PODCAST: www.flipyourmindset.com/podcast
● INSTAGRAM: www.instagram.com/staceyuhrig
● LINKED IN: www.linkedin.com/in/staceyuhrig
● YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/@flipyourmindset
● BRAINZ MAG ARTICLES -
www.brainzmagazine.com/executive-contributor/stacey-uhrig

Stacey Uhrig is a Certified Trauma Care Practitioner and Rapid Transformational Therapy Practitioner, as well as the host of the Flip Your Mindset podcast. She is the creator of The Calm CodeTM, an 8-week program to help individuals heal anxiety from within, and the HURRTTM Survey, a tool to assess hidden stress and resilience patterns. Through 1:1 coaching and group programs, Stacey blends Parts Work and Polyvagal Theory to help individuals heal emotional wounds, build confidence, and foster resilience.

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