Emotional fitness is learning how to continue to transform your relationship with uncertainty. The quality of our relationship with uncertainty matters immensely as it is a precursor to all growth. Growth is the perpetual need of the human condition. It is the very fabric of life; without it we cannot progress in who we are becoming and who we need to be to handle life’s inevitable challenges and problems.

There are 5 key components of emotional fitness, of which all contribute to this all-important relationship to uncertainty.

1. Identity – our self-concept. By having clarity of who we are we can connect with the certainty needed to tackle difficult problems. This certainty is about backing oneself.

2. Life Stages – our journey from ambition to meaning. This is the journey from ego centricity to heart centricity. Focusing on what we can give rather than what we are getting, enables us to create a functional and purposeful meaning when navigating anything difficult.

3. Values – our emotional compass which directs us to realise our deepest desires. A value is an activity we do which brings us joy. Having a joyous activity to look forward to weekly, gives us the strength and energy needed to navigate any form of uncertainty.

4. Emotional flexibility – our emotions do not respond to facts; they respond to our interpretation of the facts. By learning how we create emotion we better manage ourselves through difficult times.

5. Perspective – our bigger picture view of life. Developing a clean and healthy perspective proves very useful to lean on when things get tough.

For a deeper dive into emotional fitness, check out my book “Courage To BE You – Your guide to mastering Uncertainty.”

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As 2025 fast approaches, we once again face a new chapter in all our lives. We have become the accumulation of all choices, decisions, and actions we have and have not taken. Naturally this will continue into 2025 and beyond.

When we don’t make that choice or decision, we cannot see what lies beyond it. Often when faced with significant decisions which will impact our lives and life direction, we can become guilty staying still. Our ego’s addiction to certainty comes to the fore and can complicate choice points.

The ego’s favourite tool is fear. It loves engaging in the ‘what if’ talk, dealing in inuendo and hypotheticals, of which the majority will never come to fruition. When the ego is driving the bus, it prefers to stick to well known routes. When our spirit or soul drives the bus, we embrace the adventure of the unknown. We go down roads which have never existed.

Carl Jung identified that we can live in one of two worlds. Those two worlds are the conventional world or the special world. The conventional world has clear path, and you simply do what everyone else is doing. This world is riddled in certainty, safety, comfort, predictability and familiarity. Whilst we all love these various flavours of comfort, we cannot grow in this environment.

If we don’t grow, we fail to keep up with who we are becoming and will struggle to handle the next level of the game, that is our lives. For us to grow we need challenge, resistance, problem, adventures and so on.

Contrary to the conventional world, the special world has no path, it has no direction and there is nobody there to tell you what to do. Sure, as we journey further into the special world, we will inevitably meet mentors and guides, but only we can take the step. There is no elevator to the top of Mt Everest. We have guides but they can’t climb it for us.

The special world requires us to make choices, new decisions and commit to our chosen direction. In this world we can change path anytime, because all paths lead to our realised potential. In the special world our path is created as we move, just as a snail leaves a trail behind. It does not wait for the trail to appear because it doesn’t exist.

We cannot see beyond a choice we haven’t made, unless we make that choice and commit.

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The ultimate purpose of embracing uncertainty is that it eventually leads to all of us becoming an authority on ourselves. This means by doing hard things we begin to awaken aspects off ourselves which we never knew existed.

These new parts, which have always been available to us, will prove to be very useful for any future challenge we need to navigate. For example, when I worked in real estate in the late 90s and early 2000s, I did a lot of cold calling and door knocking on the streets. We also had a mentor in the office who loved teachers like Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy.

Embracing the fear and discomfort of going out cold calling looking for new business, and listening to people like Jim, Zig and Brian, unbeknown to me was preparing me to have my own business one day. It was such a great preparation for what was to come.

Becoming an authority on ourselves also means we create a deeply personal sense of wisdom. Emotionally fit people have a quiet sense of wisdom. What does this mean? It means they no longer define themselves by their roles and achievements. They instead define themselves by the character they are becoming.

Their lives become less about them and more about others. They no longer chase the goal of getting happy but embrace the mission of becoming fulfilled. They no longer want to be somebody and prefer to becoming nobody.

They allow an abundance of opportunities to take part in activities which bring them joy, and they are conscious meaning making machines, hence becoming incredibly emotionally healthy. They have a clean and clear perspective on all things and do not believe in regret.

The journey to becoming an authority on yourself takes courage and commitment. These are tow hallmarks of psychological maturity.

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Emotional fitness is measured by the quality of our relationship with uncertainty. It is a psychological preparedness for the pressures, stresses and challenges our professional and personal lives inevitably bring.

Uncertainty is a precursory seed for growth. Growth is a perpetual need of the human condition. In other words, it has been the challenges we have needed to navigate which have given us the most significant growth points.

Facing and embracing uncertainty is not only a prerequisite for our growth, but it also prepares us for the next level of our lives. Next level of responsibilities, obligations and skillsets needed to thrive and survive. It is highly likely that the 2005 version of us would struggle to handle the responsibilities, obligations, and skillsets we need to handle our 2024 version of ourselves.

Our 2024 version of ourselves may struggle to handle the 2035 responsibilities, obligations and skillsets needed in our lives then. We will need to grow into the 2035 version of ourselves. Uncertainty, in its many forms, will need to be embraced to get there. Therefore, uncertainty is part of the very fabric of life. Without it we cannot grow and keep up with our lives’ demands.

Our level of emotional fitness is crucial to how well we navigate life’s challenges. It is important to realize that we can proactively work on improving our emotional fitness, just like moving and exercising our bodies improves our physical fitness.

Here are 5 ways we can improve our emotional fitness.

1. Do something physically hard. Naturally this is very subjective. Do an ice bath, run a marathon, or even participate in your local park run to beat your time (park run is a free 5km fun run held every Saturday morning all year round. Research has continually shown that physical exertion improves our capacity to navigate the psychological pressures life will bring.

2. Practice acceptance. When facing any form of difficulty our life brings, the worse thing we can do is avoid, reject, or try to go around the issue. The sooner we accept and embrace it the sooner we can navigate through it effectively. Carl Jung once said “We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses it.” We can practice acceptance with the little everyday things that may go wrong, for example, a friend cancels a catch up. Practice accepting it immediately without lolling around in disappointment.

3. Practice the art of conscious meaning making. Emotions don’t respond to facts. They respond to the meaning we give the facts. Next time you feel a negative or heavy emotion, ask yourself, ‘what meaning have I just given what I have just experienced?’ Changing the meaning changes the emotion which in turn changes our experience.

4. Create a clean and healthy perspective. Our mind is all we have. When we get caught up in the dramas of life, has anyone ever said to you something like, ‘you just need to get things into perspective!’ When things get tough, we need a clean and healthy big picture view of our situation. In other words, we will need a healthy perspective to lean on. This is created by having a continual connection to gratitude and appreciation. There is always something to appreciate and be grateful for.

5. Simple rituals to set up our day. Rituals create predictability, comfort, and certainty. We all need a base of certainty to effectively operate in the world. This increases our emotional fitness because we will be psychologically in a much better place to handle the pressures or stresses of our day.

Our emotional fitness plays a crucial role in maintaining our mental health levels at a functional and resourceful level. By consciously working on improving our emotional fitness we will be much better prepared for when we need to navigate those difficult days, or months.

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The topic explored in episode 97 of Insights with Joe Pane, the podcast is: Projection…a very touchy subject.

Have you ever been instantly triggered by someone for no logical reason? Have you ever found yourself overreacting to a seemingly innocuous comment? What about anger? Have you ever become overly angry about something that is a mere inconvenience?

These emotionally riddled triggers can be shocking, surprising and even downright confusing. They can take us and the people around us by complete surprise. Human behaviour is complex. It has been said that every where we go, there we are. Carl Jung once said that all perception is projection. In other words, every where we go, we can only experience aspects of ourselves. More accurately said, every where we go we can only experience aspects of our unconscious mind projecting itself onto the screen of life. These projections can vary from inspirational experiences through to experiences we detest.

The negatively charged experiences can become very difficult to accept when we experience in others triggers or qualities which we detest or refuse to tolerate. All projection derives from the contents of our unconscious mind. In Jung’s “Collected Works” he best described the unconscious mind as:

“ Everything of which I know, but of which I am not at the moment thinking, everything of which I was once conscious but have now forgotten, everything perceived by my senses, but not noted by my conscious mind, everything which, involuntarily and without paying attention to it, I feel, think, remember, want, and do, all the future things that are taking shape in me and will sometime come to consciousness: all this is the content of the unconscious.”

Most projections are inert, neutral perceptions of our environment; however, the biggest learning and growing opportunities are the triggered projections. This type of projection (triggered) has 3 main qualities. They are:

1. Emotional

2. Compulsive

3. Out of proportion to the situation presented.

As an example, anger is emotional (ie intense), compulsive (instant) and out of proportion to the situation (overreacting). These emotional, compulsive over reactions occur when we are projecting aspects of our unconscious which are unresolved, not embraced or we have not taken responsibility for.

In other words, these triggered responses derive from unresolved frustrations, or issues, which we have not embraced or taken responsibility for in our lives.

Often these triggers build up overtime because...

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We will explore on a deeper level how it is we make all of our decisions. The word decide has a fascinating history. The word decide, which originates in the 1300s, actually means to cut off or to kill off.

I love this quote from Carl Jung.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. Carl Jung.

In so many ways by becoming aware of each of the energy styles decision making strategies, we will most certainly make the unconscious conscious. For most of us have never heard of these decision- making strategies I'm about to share.

Let's begin by focusing on the D energy first. The D energy is outcome focused goal orientated fact driven and is the fastest decision maker of all four types. The D energies decision making strategy is one that is automatic with outcome-based criteria. In other words, once their outcome-based criteria has been met they make the decision straight away.

For example, if they were buying a book , they would assess that book based on how well or how effectively it contributes to a specific goal or outcome they are seeking. If it satisfies that criteria, they make the decision immediately.

The I energies have a similar decision making strategy. Via automatic decision makers with connection-based criteria. In other words, they base their decisions on who else is involved, who else will be impacted, who else do I get to share this with, who do I get to connect with. Back to our book buying example, the I energy would take a look at the testimonies in the book and who wrote them. An if who wrote them impresses them or if they are someone that they respect they will base their decision on buying the book based on who said what about the book. Very different decision-making strategy to the D energy!

The S energy is a slower decision maker generally. They are what is known as a period of time convincer. They need time to reflect on how they feel about the decision they are about to make. In the bookstore they'll spend some time with the book perhaps seated immersed in pages of the book for maybe 20 or 30 minutes, and will then place the book back down to walk around the store to reflect on whether they should buy it or not. This would drive a Do I energy nuts.

The C energies are the most detailed and analytical of all of the decision makers. They are known as number of times convincers. Typically, three to five times. They might have to circle back three or four times to the book before they buy it. Generally, most of the time they need at least three touch points either mentally physically or psychologically to make a decision.

I'm looking forward immensely to taking a much deeper dive into these energetic profiles in our upcoming free intro to E disc training on March 22 and 23. To register feel welcome to go to www.joepane.com.au and register your details so you can access the zoom link. Can't wait to see you there it's going to be fun. Thank you for reading.

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The self-discovery journey is by far the most, the most important journey to take. At birth, we are gifted bodies of a certain type, and personalities of a certain type. Human behaviour is complex and multilayered, and there are many instruments which make up our psychological orchestra.

Complexities aside, getting to know ourselves physically and psychologically matters immensely because we only have our mind and our bodies to experience this earthly dream. As there are different body types, with their various sensitivities, strengths, and vulnerabilities, we also have personalities we need to get to know for their, sensitivities, strengths, and vulnerabilities.

The single most precious resource we have as individuals is not time or money. It is energy. If our energy is low or grossly inconsistent, then we will struggle to use time well and can negatively impact, not only our earning capacity but also how we get to enjoy what money can buy in the form of experiences and time.

Life, business and family, is not about time managing. It is about energy management because with solid consistent levels of energy we can make almost anything a possibility.

It is a crucial life skill to learn how to access, harness and manage energy. The term energy here is not something outside of us we need to go find, like fuel for our car. It is something self-generated. Here’s the crucial point – we all self -generate energy in automated and unique ways. In other words, your personality type hugely influences how your energy levels perform within different environments.

But!! If we don’t know what kind of psychological vehicle we are in, we can’t know which terrain it can thrive in, or struggle in or even survive in. As we learn to navigate our experiences of life, the energy levels we have gives us direct feedback on whether we are in the right psychological terrain and environment.

As we know from the plethora of work that has been done over the last 100 years on personality types, on a macro fundamental level we have 4 types. Clearly there are many more than 4 types of personalities on the planet. However all personalities will be significantly influenced by 1 or more of these 4 types.

Type 1: The type who want to win – outcome drive, strong egos, gets things done, values efficiency, effectiveness and challenge. Their energy levels are dialed up when focused on a target they want to meet. They thrive on challenge. Their energy levels drop when presented with detail, process, and steps. Energy levels rise when in fast moving environments with a clear outcome in mind.

Type 2: The type who want to be liked- journey oriented, flexible, adaptable and loves connection for connection’s sake. Energy goes up when mixing with many people at the same time. Energy drops significantly when spend too much time alone.

Type 3: The type who wants to be comfortable. Loves people – but one on one. Has a poor relationship with uncertainty and often energy can drop when facing change without warning, Energy goes up when delicately, warmly and lovingly listening to someone one on one.

Type 4: The type who want to be right (precise). Super detailed oriented intellect. Energy goes up when working on a project alone, requiring a specialised skill set. Can work in isolation all day with zero energy drop. Being with people for too long drops their energy.

To go deeper feel welcome to attend one of our free online workshops called ‘Free Intro to EDISC – Art of behavioural profiling.

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I love this quote from mystic Terrence McKenna :

"Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed."

Let’s break this quote down and why this matters to how we become free, sovereign and autonomous. In other words, how we bust out of the hamster wheel version of life and be free to contribute to society in valuable ways which align to our personal philosophy.

Firstly, “nature loves courage”. We in essence are nature and courage is the very fabric of nature’s design. The only blocker most people have to courage is their mind or ego. I will use mind and ego interchangeably here because they are one and the same thing. Many people use their egos to generate drama and complexity to keep them stuck. Drama and complexity are created by the narrative they live by which can keep them hostage to what they don’t want.

Most wait for something to change before they will change. The problem is that nature or the universe only responds to who we are being in that moment. If we are being “lets wait and see” then all you will have is the “wait and see experience.”

Terrence McKenna then says, “You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles.” The impossible obstacles are the mind/ego games before we take action. For example, every week when I go to my local gym to use their cold bath, I see new people, literally dipping their feet only in the bath and then decide they can’t do it. They have created a mental impossible obstacle. Impossible meaning, they just cannot see how they can do it.

The first time I immersed completely in a cold bath, I was told that the first minute is the worst and when you break through to the other side of that minute you will be fine. Our nervous system realises that it won’t die, all relaxes, and we can remain immersed for many more minutes. The body magically creates a thin thermo layer only after we have been in the water for at least a minute.

Terrence continues say, “Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed."

The feather bed is our freedom from the hamster wheel of 9 to 5, which is really 7 to 6 for many.

Stop waiting to be ready, and just hop in and go for it. Life waits for no one.

Thank you for reading, love Joe.

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This article has been inspired by a book I read over the holiday period called “10x Is Easier Than 2x” by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy.

The single most important relationship we have is our relationship with uncertainty. This is because uncertainty is a requirement of life. All things in the natural world are either growing or dying. Uncertainty is the precursor to all growth.

How we relate to uncertainty (our emotional fitness), guides us to discover the exit doorway which takes us from the mundane to the extraordinary.

Here are some examples of moving from the mundane to the extraordinary:

Surface level connections to real meaningful connections.

Toxic relationships to deeply caring loving relationships.

Having a soulless uninspiring job, to having your own business which makes your soul sing.

Moving away from an average annual salary to earning that salary monthly.

Getting off the hamster wheel going nowhere to committing to your own personal pathway going somewhere meaningful.

Extraordinary is living your life on many plains higher than it currently exists.

When we walk through this exit doorway, we are on our way to 10xing our lives.

10xing means discovering the 20% of actions which will have an 80% impact on our lives. Notice that this 80/20 (Pareto Principle) law is naturally occurring all around us.

Anything worthwhile we have experienced in our lives have been preceded by a decision or action based in uncertainty. Uncertainty comes in many forms. Some may refer to it as faith, trust, and even commitment to purpose., adventure, challenge.

When my wife and I sold up our family home to completely change our lifestyles and move somewhere where we knew nobody, was based on faith, trust and our commitment to purpose. That purpose was to live in the opposite way we had been living for the previous 22 years. That was one decision which has transformed our lifestyle and my business in ways I could not possible have previously imagined. We have 10x’d the quality of our lives.

It is very difficult to 10x anything if we are not emotionally fit. Lack of emotional fitness means we have a poor relationship with uncertainty. 10x is about exploring and expanding our comfort zone and then committing to the changes we want to make. Our relationship with uncertainty matters immensely. Becoming emotionally fit matters more than it ever has.

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Every new year we have an opportunity to begin again. Whether that be in our attitudes, conversations which need fixing, or new intentions to pave the way forward to new horizons.

I love the last week of every year and the first week of the new year. These for most of us are peaceful weeks. Nobody expects you to get back to them. Most of us are in relax mode. Personally, these two weeks are the purest downtime weeks of the year.

It is in these two weeks that it is worthwhile taking a psychological reflective stocktake on both a micro and macro level.

The micro being 2023 itself. The macro being all your years so far. I often will reflect on where in my collection of years lived so far does the last year stand. I don’t do this in a spreadsheet kind of a way!! I do this from an emotional and connection-based way.

What am I proud of? What could have been done differently? Who am I becoming?

The most important focus point I believe we can have, is asking ourselves if we have progressed becoming unconditionally loving, compassionate, and kind human beings. Where have I let myself down? Where have I improved?

Hope you enjoy my organic free-range ramble in this episode.

Have a very happy Christmas and my biggest, best wishes for the new year ahead.

All my love

Joe.

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