Sometimes the world seems to go our way, and sometimes it doesn’t. We hit the stoplights perfectly and make it to our appointment just in-time. Or we get a flat tire at what seems like the worst possible time (is there ever a good time?). What is the Torah’s approach to interpreting these experiences?

Because this issue touches on many foundational principles of the Torah, this will not be an exhaustive or comprehensive treatment of the subject. Rather, I aim to focus on the practical way man is prompted to interpret his personal experiences in light of the Torah’s principles.

ויקרא יט

(ח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵֽעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יְהוָֹֽה:

Vayikra 19

(8) You shall neither take revenge from nor bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

ספר החינוך – מצוה רמב

משרשי המצוה. שידע האדם ויתן אל לבו כי כל אשר יקרהו מטוב עד רע, הוא סבה שתבוא עליו מאת השם ברוך הוא. ומיד האדם מיד איש אחיו לא יהיה דבר בלתי רצון השם ברוך הוא, על כן כשיצערהו או יכאיבהו אדם ידע בנפשו כי עונותיו גרמו, והשם יתברך גזר עליו בכך, ולא ישית מחשבותיו לנקם ממנו, כי הוא אינו סבת רעתו, כי העון הוא המסבב, וכמו שאמר דוד עליו השלום (שמואל ב טז יא) הניחו לו ויקלל כי אמר לו יי. תלה הענין בחטאו ולא בשמעי בן גרא. ועוד נמצא במצוה זו תועלת רבה להשבית ריב ולהעביר המשטמות מלב בני אדם, ובהיות שלום בין אנשים יעשה השם יתברך שלום להם.

The Book of Education - Mitzvah 242

It is from the roots of the commandment that a person know and put into his heart that everything that happens to him - good and bad - the cause of it coming to him is from God, blessed be He. And from the hand of man - from the hand of a man to his brother - there would not be anything without the will of God, blessed be He. Hence, when a person caused him pain or hurt him, he should know for himself that his [own] sins caused [it], and that God, may He be blessed, ordained this for him. And he should not place his thoughts to taking vengeance from [the one who pained him], since he is not the cause of his evil, but rather the sin is the cause; like David, peace be upon him, stated (II Samuel 16:11), "leave him to curse, since the Lord told him [so]" - he made the matter depend upon his [own] sin, and not upon Shimei ben Gera. And there is also a great benefit found in this commandment, in quieting a dispute and removing enmity from the heart of people. And when there is peace among people, God, may He be blessed, will make peace for them.

Let’s take a closer look at the interaction between King David and Shimei ben Gera:

שמואל ב טז

(ה) וּבָ֛א הַמֶּ֥לֶךְ דָּוִ֖ד עַד־בַּחוּרִ֑ים וְהִנֵּ֣ה מִשָּׁם֩ אִ֨ישׁ יוֹצֵ֜א מִמִּשְׁפַּ֣חַת בֵּית־שָׁא֗וּל וּשְׁמוֹ֙ שִׁמְעִ֣י בֶן־גֵּרָ֔א יֹצֵ֥א יָצ֖וֹא וּמְקַלֵּֽל׃ (ו) וַיְסַקֵּ֤ל בָּֽאֲבָנִים֙ אֶת־דָּוִ֔ד וְאֶת־כׇּל־עַבְדֵ֖י הַמֶּ֣לֶךְ דָּוִ֑ד וְכׇל־הָעָם֙ וְכׇל־הַגִּבֹּרִ֔ים מִימִינ֖וֹ וּמִשְּׂמֹאלֽוֹ׃ (ז) וְכֹה־אָמַ֥ר שִׁמְעִ֖י בְּקַֽלְל֑וֹ צֵ֥א צֵ֛א אִ֥ישׁ הַדָּמִ֖ים וְאִ֥ישׁ הַבְּלִיָּֽעַל׃ (ח) הֵשִׁיב֩ עָלֶ֨יךָ יְהֹוָ֜ה כֹּ֣ל׀ דְּמֵ֣י בֵית־שָׁא֗וּל אֲשֶׁ֤ר מָלַ֙כְתָּ֙ תַּחְתָּ֔ו וַיִּתֵּ֤ן יְהֹוָה֙ אֶת־הַמְּלוּכָ֔ה בְּיַ֖ד אַבְשָׁל֣וֹם בְּנֶ֑ךָ וְהִנְּךָ֙ בְּרָ֣עָתֶ֔ךָ כִּ֛י אִ֥ישׁ דָּמִ֖ים אָֽתָּה׃ (ט) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר אֲבִישַׁ֤י בֶּן־צְרוּיָה֙ אֶל־הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ לָ֣מָּה יְקַלֵּ֞ל הַכֶּ֤לֶב הַמֵּת֙ הַזֶּ֔ה אֶת־אֲדֹנִ֖י הַמֶּ֑לֶךְ אֶעְבְּרָה־נָּ֖א וְאָסִ֥ירָה אֶת־רֹאשֽׁוֹ׃ (י) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ מַה־לִּ֥י וְלָכֶ֖ם בְּנֵ֣י צְרֻיָ֑ה [כֹּ֣ה] (כי) יְקַלֵּ֗ל [כִּ֤י] (וכי) יְהֹוָה֙ אָ֤מַר לוֹ֙ קַלֵּ֣ל אֶת־דָּוִ֔ד וּמִ֣י יֹאמַ֔ר מַדּ֖וּעַ עָשִׂ֥יתָה כֵּֽן׃ (יא) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר דָּוִ֤ד אֶל־אֲבִישַׁי֙ וְאֶל־כׇּל־עֲבָדָ֔יו הִנֵּ֥ה בְנִ֛י אֲשֶׁר־יָצָ֥א מִמֵּעַ֖י מְבַקֵּ֣שׁ אֶת־נַפְשִׁ֑י וְאַ֨ף כִּֽי־עַתָּ֜ה בֶּן־הַיְמִינִ֗י הַנִּ֤חוּ לוֹ֙ וִֽיקַלֵּ֔ל כִּ֥י אָמַר־ל֖וֹ יְהֹוָֽה׃ (יב) אוּלַ֛י יִרְאֶ֥ה יְהֹוָ֖ה [בְּעֵינִ֑י] (בעוני) וְהֵשִׁ֨יב יְהֹוָ֥ה לִי֙ טוֹבָ֔ה תַּ֥חַת קִלְלָת֖וֹ הַיּ֥וֹם הַזֶּֽה׃ (יג) וַיֵּ֧לֶךְ דָּוִ֛ד וַאֲנָשָׁ֖יו בַּדָּ֑רֶךְ וְשִׁמְעִ֡י הֹלֵךְ֩ בְּצֵ֨לַע הָהָ֜ר לְעֻמָּת֗וֹ הָלוֹךְ֙ וַיְקַלֵּ֔ל וַיְסַקֵּ֤ל בָּאֲבָנִים֙ לְעֻמָּת֔וֹ וְעִפַּ֖ר בֶּעָפָֽר׃

Shemuel II 16

(5) And king David came to Bahurim and, behold, there came out of there a man from the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei, the son of Gera, coming forth and cursing. (6) And he threw stones at David, and at all king David's servants and at all the people and at all the mighty men who were on his right and on his left hand. (7) And so said Shimei in his curse, "Begone, begone, you man of blood, and you wicked man. (8) The Lord has returned upon you all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose stead you have reigned; and the Lord has given the kingdom into the hands of Absalom your son; and behold you are in your own evil for you are a man of blood.” (9) And Abishai the son of Zeruiah said to the king, "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? let me go over, I beg you, and remove his head.” (10) And the king said, "What is it between me and you, sons of Zeruiah? So let him curse, because the Lord has [surely] said to him, 'Curse David'; who then shall [have the right to] say, 'Why have you done so’?" (11) And David said to Abishai and to all his servants, "Behold my son who came from my body seeks my life; how much more now [that] the Benjamite [should do it]? let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord has bidden him. (12) Perhaps the Lord will see (the tears of) my eye, and the Lord will return to me good instead of his curse on this day.” (13) And David and his men went by the road; and Shimei went along the hillside opposite him, going and cursing and he threw stones toward him, and he threw earth.

A person has two potential responses to being slighted in this world. He can remain focused on the limited sphere of the personal. Or he can opt for a broader perspective, taking into account the larger context of God’s world and wisdom. In the instance of bearing a grudge or taking revenge, he can focus on his interpersonal interactions and stew in his petty emotions. Or his experience can serve as a prompt toward personal investigation. This is exemplified by King David’s response to Shimei ben Geira. Despite being in the midst of an insurrection by his son (or perhaps because of it according to the Abarbanel), he chooses not to respond immediately to the insults directed at him, notwithstanding having the right and the power to do so.

When things in our lives are going wrong or right, there is a tendency to interpret events consistent with our past. There is value in this tendency as it prompts us to reference our previous experience and learn from it. But our interpretations of current events can also be colored by our past. We may inadvertently project certain qualities onto a situation or another person based on this past experience, biasing our interpretation as a result.

When things go well, we take it a sign that God or the universe loves us. When they don’t go well, we feel abandoned and frustrated. These are natural reactions but they are also fairly unsophisticated. There are really only two interpretations in this framework, and neither does justice to the intricate complexities of the world designed and sustained by God.

King David could have merely interpreted someone cursing him as another example of rebellion against his kingdom. He could have had the man killed on the spot. But instead he wondered what he might learn from the situation. Herein lies the litmus test: do we simply use our experiences to reinforce our existing views? Or do we look to new data to expand our perspective? One approach leads to a lifetime of cramming new encounters into our current way of looking at the world. The other approach leads to a life of learning and development.

That’s not to say that one only take a broad perspective and completely ignore the realm of the practical. King David didn’t respond immediately to being insulted. But his final recorded instruction to his son Shlomo was to defend the honor of his kingdom and execute Shimei.

מלכים א ב

(ח) וְהִנֵּ֣ה עִ֠מְּךָ֠ שִֽׁמְעִ֨י בֶן־גֵּרָ֥א בֶן־הַיְמִינִי֮ מִבַּחֻרִים֒ וְה֤וּא קִֽלְלַ֙נִי֙ קְלָלָ֣ה נִמְרֶ֔צֶת בְּי֖וֹם לֶכְתִּ֣י מַחֲנָ֑יִם וְהֽוּא־יָרַ֤ד לִקְרָאתִי֙ הַיַּרְדֵּ֔ן וָאֶשָּׁ֨בַֽע ל֤וֹ בַֽיהֹוָה֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר אִם־אֲמִֽיתְךָ֖ בֶּחָֽרֶב׃ (ט) וְעַתָּה֙ אַל־תְּנַקֵּ֔הוּ כִּ֛י אִ֥ישׁ חָכָ֖ם אָ֑תָּה וְיָֽדַעְתָּ֙ אֵ֣ת אֲשֶׁ֣ר תַּֽעֲשֶׂה־לּ֔וֹ וְהֽוֹרַדְתָּ֧ אֶת־שֵׂיבָת֛וֹ בְּדָ֖ם שְׁאֽוֹל׃

Melakhim I 2

(8) And, behold, there is with you Shimei the son of Gera the Benjamite of Bahurim, who cursed me with a grievous curse on the day when I went to Mahanaim, and he came down to meet me at the Jordan, and I swore to him by the Lord, saying, 'I will not put you to death with the sword.’ (9) And now hold him not guiltless, for you are a wise man, and you will surely know what you ought to do to him, and you shall bring his hoary head down to the grave with blood."

Taking revenge and bearing a grudge are examples of losing the forest for the trees, focusing on the most proximal cause and then reacting, instead of opting for a broader perspective. When we limit the interpretation of events to our existing framework, we shortcut the opportunity for learning. The Torah’s approach, articulated by the Sefer HaChinuch and exemplified by King David, looks for something new to gain from every experience. As King Shlomo states, “In all your ways know Him” (Mishlei 3:6), there are opportunities for learning everywhere.

References

Sefer HaChinukh, translated by Nataf, Francis (2018). Sefaria. Retrieved from: https://www.sefaria.org/Sefer_HaChinukh.171.3

Rosenberg, A. (1980). A new English translation of the Hebrew Bible text and Rashi, with a commentary digest. New York: Judaica Press. Retrieved from: https://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/

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