“The Darkest Days Come Right Before the Light” -Aceyaolone 

My journey of being a disabled man on one leg took a turn into the dark abysses of traumatic pain, where the only way out of it was to rap hard before the heavy drugs kicked in. I’m still spinning the moment of falling with humor and positivity, even when the discomfort and limitations are upon some of the most I’ve felt as an adult, or is it?

It brings me to the notion of invisible disability. Before my injury where I am now for the moment physically disabled, I was invisibly disabled. Navigating a life of mental health differences leads to some severe ups and downs, emotional turmoil, and being untethered from reality. 

You can’t see this by looking at me, and without knowing my history.

Not being able to walk and being stuck at home, you are in a jail sentence of discomfort and limitation, but I’m not sure if that is better or worse than being labeled “Gravly Disabiled” and not being able to take care of your emotional state, with a fully functioning set of limbs. 

When the prison is your mind, “you can’t run away from yourself.” -Bob M.

The week before my crash I recorded something (today’s audio) inspired by going to holiday parties and seeing those family friends with physical disabilities, stating that I’ve been doing well for 5 years. Maybe my delivery and my speaking of my comfort, the universe heard me and echoed a response. If there is any purpose for what has happened, it’s brought up the conversion of being physically disabled and having an invisible disability, now you get two for one~

“At some point in your life, you will experience disability.” -Judy Hueman (paraphrase)

Now the smallest moments of breathing fresh air and feeling sunshine are so much more appreciated when I’m not leaving the house. 

There are so many things your mind goes through when you are physically limited, in pain or discomfort. About your life going forward and how you see yourself. I let my mind go to some dark dark places when the pain started from the fracture, but then I also had a journal, a guitar, and a way to record.

I sing to my pain. When I do the sweetest melodies arise. I have no blame for what happened that fractured my ankle. I am singing for my healing, my learning curve, and my journey to making the most out of this experience. 

Thank You to all those who have reached out, come over with food, or give me a call or text. Your support is a huge part of my positive attitude. 

Keeping a creative practice keeps me going. It shows up for me in these times of struggle, and moments of difficulty it is my most championed narrative.

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