Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 32 and we’re going to talk about practicing gratitude, and how it can make significant changes in our lives! 

I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together! 

So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional.   

Alright, let’s dive in! 

I wanted to share with you the experience of practicing gratitude. It has really begun to change my life in so many ways. There is science behind the benefits of it, and there is a way to practice it so that it “sticks” in our traumatized brains! 

The word gratitude comes from the Latin word gratia which, depending on how it’s used, means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness. Gratitude involves all of these things. Gratitude is being thankful and having an appreciation for what an individual has, receives, or experiences. We acknowledge the “goodness” in our lives. We can acknowledge and be grateful for ourselves too, what we’ve overcome, accomplished, and survived! This in turn can open us up to connecting outside of ourselves: connecting us to things bigger than ourselves, be it other people, nature, the environment, or even a “higher power.”  

Positive psychology shows that practicing gratitude has a strong and consistent effect on being happier. Expressing gratitude helps us feel more positive emotions, we can remember and be grateful for our experiences. This can help us be healthier, get through challenges in a better way, and help build stronger relationships.  

While for many, you can get a rush of joy or happiness after something really good happens, gratitude is acknowledging and being grateful for the small things, things that we often overlook. Things like the sun on our face, drinking a glass of water, a chat with a friend, the feel of your softest comfiest clothes on your skin, the smell of rain. Ther are so many small things that have an impact on us every day that we can be grateful for. 

Now, I’m not saying this is easy! It isn’t! When we are stuck in that negative “doom loop” of thoughts that trauma constantly reinforces, it’s a hard habit to begin to break. Actually, even without trauma, everyone’s brain is initially primed this way! The human brain gives more “weight” to negative things. We tend to pay more attention to negative things, learn more from negative outcomes, and make decisions based on negative information and experiences rather than positive ones! The “bad things” that grab our attention and stick to our memories. Crazy, right? It can affect our motivation: We tend to think about what we might lose or have to give up in pursuing a goal, rather than what we will gain. Interestingly, research has shown that negative news is more likely to be seen as “truthful.” It garners more attention so it can “feel” more accurate. All of this is referred to as “negativity bias.” Researchers believe that this is likely due to evolution. Earlier in human history, paying attention to things that were negative, bad, and dangerous was literally a matter of life and death! Those people that paid attention to the negative things were less likely to take risks and therefore have a better chance at survival. This also means that these genes could be passed on to future generations! So, our brain is trying to do its job and keep us safe.  

Research also suggests that this negativity bias starts when we are very small. While infants respond positively to their caretaker's facial expressions, tone of voice, etc., this changes at about a year old. Babies at this age begin to experience greater brain responses to negative things. So, negativity can be seen as genetic or hereditary and add traumas on top of that, it’s no wonder why we tend to see everything through a “glass half empty” viewpoint rather than the “glass half full!” So, for example you are so dreading going to work on Monday, that you don’t get to appreciate your weekend. Or you might be having a good day and one negative comment from another person “ruins” your whole day and you spend your time focused on that negative comment. As trauma survivors, many of us have that “all or nothing” thinking. So, it’s either all good or all bad, there is nothing in between. One small thing can derail us and keep us stuck. So how do we even begin to create gratitude practices when we are up against so much? 

As always, we start small, one step at a time. When I first started my practice, every day mentally I would say inwardly “I’m grateful for my family, friends, and my pets.” There! I had practiced gratitude! Over time, I wondered why it didn’t help, why wasn’t it working? In researching a bit more, I found that there were ways to practice gratitude in a deeper way, to help connect it to my “soul” to make it stick! Gratitude is like a muscle that you can build, make stronger. We have to find ways to “flip the script” and change our automatic negative responses. Even negative things can have a positive element to them, we just have to look for it.  

Say a friend cancels a planned outing you had with them at the last minute that you were really looking forward to. Your brain might jump to “they don’t really like me, or like spending time with me, they always do this” etc. Instead, you might acknowledge your disappointment but instead say to yourself “they must have needed to take some time for themselves, and I’m glad they feel that they are safe to do this with me.”  “I’ll be there for them when they need me.” “We can always reschedule.” Say you get a flat tire. Instead of thinking of all of the negatives associated with it, you could be grateful that you have a job to help pay for the repairs or be grateful that you have friends or family that will come to help you or drive you home. If rain spoils your planned picnic, remember that there will always be sunny and fair days to do it again. Be glad for the life-giving rain. Have your picnic indoors instead!  

When we focus on the positive rather than the negative, we get a release of “feel good” chemicals in our brains called serotonin and dopamine. These are associated with greater happiness and pleasure. Thinking this way also reduces our stress hormones which can lead to less anxiety and boost your mood! As this positive “domino effect” continues, it can reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, etc. So, we might sleep better, focus a bit more, create self-esteem, and be more patient not only with others, but with ourselves. We find “glimmers” or threads of things throughout our daily lives we can be grateful for. It isn’t a magic wand, it won’t fix everything, but it is a positive first step in creating better things in our healing journey. So, we begin by being mindful, practicing being present in the now.  Go back through your “mindfulness toolbox” and practice anything we’ve learned together or find something YOU have found that works for you in order to be more present. Then create a gratitude practice plan.  My plan is that I practice my gratitude routine in the morning every day, while I’m having my coffee in bed. It sets the tone for my entire day! It does take some time, effort, and intention. Remember we are trying to change those well-worn pathways into new healthier ones. We learn, we acknowledge, we re-direct our thoughts, and we create change we need!  

So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference. 

This is a writing exercise. We are going to create a gratitude plan. If you’d like to try this with me, please get a notebook, a piece of paper, even a sticky note and a pen or pencil. You could even type it out in a word doc if you like. Whatever way you participate is fine, as long as it works for you, that’s what matters.  

I’d like to invite you to find a place that’s quiet, calm, and as free from distractions as possible. If you’d like you could light some candles, put on some quiet calming music, burn some incense, or use some of your favorite essential oils on the palms of your hands. Breath in the scent. Remind yourself that you are in a safe space, you are safe in this moment, in the now.  

We always start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times. 

1. First, decide when you will practice your gratitude plan.  It can be anytime you choose but consider starting out your mornings this way. It really can start your day off in a wonderful way. 

1. Think of what “tools” you will need for your practice. Writing is really important and empowering. Get a notebook, or even if you’d like, a dedicated special journal to write in daily. Get a writing implement you like; I like to use gel pens.  Whatever you use doesn’t have to be expensive or “flashy” it has to feel right for you. If you’d like to use an app, there are lots out there. However you do it, it needs to speak to you and your heart.  

1. Place your notebook, or journal, and pen or pencil where it is easy to get to. I have mine right on my nightstand so I can get it and start writing in the morning when I am ready. If you are doing this on your computer, use whatever format is comfortable for you whether it’s word, acrobat, or any other tool.  

1. Start out by identifying three things you are grateful for. Remember, this is going to reflect what YOU appreciate, no matter how small It might seem. If things don’t come to you right away, sit with it for a bit, and surrender to the moment. It will come. Whatever it is that you appreciate, write those out. You may have days where you write out what you are grateful for, and you won’t “feel” it but do it anyway. When that gratitude does come up, feel it in every fiber of your being. You could put your hand on your heart, feel that life, that feeling of thankfulness.  

1. Bring gratitude mindfully into your day. Take time to stop a moment, breathe and think “I am grateful.” Take that moment to connect with gratitude, the fact that you ARE grateful and are working towards good and positive changes in your life, knowing that it will spill over into all parts of your life.  

1. Below are lots of journaling prompts you can use daily. After identifying what we are grateful for, we can go deeper into what these things bring to us, what they mean to us, and how they make us feel. We can begin to be creative with our answers and descriptions. We can flex and strengthen that gratitude muscle.  

              Journal Prompts 

The more we practice, the more we open up our minds and hearts to what we DO have rather than what we don’t. Even in the darkest of times, we can find something to “anchor” us, something we can be grateful for. I remember in my most desperate times, I can look back now and be grateful for my body, that it kept me alive, and going in spite of everything. I am grateful that even in those most awful moments, when I wanted to give up, that small quiet voice within me refused to quit. I still have to challenge my thinking every day, re-direct my thoughts. But it’s really working, slowly, one step at a time. If I can get better, so can you! We are doing this together, and we’ll get there I promise, just don’t stop. Even if all you write is “I am grateful, I am writing in my gratitude journal” 3 times, that’s okay.  

I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!!  I’ve put each exercise portion of my podcast episode to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and again share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com. 

Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!