Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 33 and we’re going to talk about finding our “anchor points” and why this is so important for us as survivors of trauma. 

I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together! 

So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional.  

All right, let’s dive in! 

This week, I wanted to talk about being rooted in the present, in the moment, and how to develop a kind of “self-rescue” plan for those times when we feel lost, adrift, in the darkness of our own thoughts. This episode is especially dedicated to those who feel like they are at the breaking point.  

As survivors of trauma, we have been through many awful, horrible things, things that should never have happened to us, things we didn’t ask for or want. Things no one should ever have to go through. These events have completely changed us in almost every way. It colors not only how we see ourselves, but the world around us. We try so very hard to control what happens in our lives as a result. When our traumas happened to us, we had no control. But often, the more we try to control things, the more out of control we feel. One reason is that we are trying to control things that are not within our power TO control. We can only control what WE do, say, and how we react, or respond, not other people, places, events. We try anyway and it can end up being this vicious cycle and as we get more and more desperate to hang on and control things, we spiral completely out of control with our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It’s kind of like trying to keep a hold of a tornado. Or, if you are like me, you can shut down completely becoming numb, frozen, unable to move, think, or react.  

I have shut down to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed. I was so numb and desperate; I began to self-harm. I wanted to see if I could feel anything, anything at all. This also followed along with my lifelong pattern of taking things out on myself. I was punishing myself. This feels scary, but here we go with full honesty! A few years ago, it got so bad that I knew if I didn’t do something, a more drastic event would happen I might try to end my life. So, I reached out to my mental health team (They have worked with me for years and are a wonderful support system) and before I knew it, I was inpatient in a behavioral health facility. I was there for 11 days, and it was quite an experience. It wasn’t a fancy private hospital; it was a state-run facility. Did it help? In a way it did. I didn’t learn anything new, all of the classes and groups that you had to attend talked about trauma and mental health: Things I already knew. But it gave me a unique perspective on myself. Many of the people were young, had been there many times before, knew the system. Some had smuggled in drugs or could get them from sources they had on the outside, so there were lots of dealing and exchanges. There were those that had extreme outbursts and couldn’t control themselves. It was often pretty scary but at the same time, I saw myself in a lot of them. I began to think of my situation in a different way. I already had the tools and the knowledge to pull myself up out of the darkness, I just had to use them. I knew feeling like this was not what I wanted. I wanted to live, I wanted to feel, be a part of my own life again.  

I began to really think about what I had, the people and things that I had in my life that needed me. My partner, my children, my family, my pets, my work. These became my “anchor points” my reasons for being in the world. My trauma history had not allowed me to develop a sense of myself, all on my own. I was always someone’s child, someone’s girlfriend, someone’s wife, mother, employee. So, If I needed to begin by knowing that if something happened to me it would affect those closest to me negatively, that was okay. It was a way to anchor myself to the world, to being. I slowly began crawling up out of that pit, learning more and more about just how deeply all of my traumatic experiences had impacted me, why I felt, behaved, and reacted the ways that I did. My therapist helped so much, but I also began researching and reading on my own. When I began deep-diving into Trauma-Informed Care, that completely changed everything for me. I began to understand myself in a completely new way. It was not my fault; I was not to blame. My constantly overactive and hypervigilant nervous system, brain, and body were reacting in a completely biologically correct way given my trauma and past learning history, environment, even genetics! Throw in the impacts I have due to my brain injury and the burst brain aneurysm I suffered, it’s no wonder I felt the way I did! I began to let go of the idea that everything was my fault, that I was irreparably broken. I began to forgive myself, give myself grace, compassion, all of the things I so desperately needed from myself. I was on the path to getting better, slowly, but I was walking the walk! 

Those anchor points I identified for myself were the first steppingstones, the first foundational pieces in beginning my healing journey. They grounded me, they kept me here while I figured out the rest. When we are so deeply into our darkness, we lose sight of just how much we mean to others. We often don’t  really understand just how much our presence, our being, brings to the world. We are important, we have an impact, we matter! Just a note about me: Am I completely better, healed, and whole? No, I’m not, and I admit that completely! I still have days where I struggle, but now I know how to recognize what is happening and take the steps I need to in order to care more gently for myself on those days. If I can, I start with sensory basics, soft clothes, soothing smells, things I can see, touch, smell, or hold to ground me. I allow myself to rest and I nourish my body with good simple food and lots of water.  

I want you to think about what your anchor points are in your own life. In spite of how alone and isolated you feel, something, someone needs you here. We ALL need you! A person, a pet, a plant, a cause, it doesn’t matter who or what it might be. I truly believe we are all here for a reason, we just have to find it. We matter as human beings, all by ourselves. Not the way we think we have to measure up to others’ expectations: and most certainly not by comparing ourselves to anyone else! We all know those people who seem to have been through so much, and just seem to rise effortlessly above it all, and have it all together. Take my word for it, NO ONE has it all together! Everyone fights battles no one else can see, believe me! Think about this for a moment: who do you want to tell your story? YOU want to be the storyteller, the narrator of your own life and experiences. Someday it’ll be you that others look to for guidance, for help in how to heal. How cool would THAT be?? You will get there, just do the work, start small, one baby step forward at a time. Believe me, if I can do it, so can you, I promise! We’ll get there together! 

So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference. 

We are going to build a grounding sensory toolkit together.  A sensory toolkit is a small box or bag where you keep a few items that you can use to help you ground when you have difficult days. This has been so helpful for me! You can put into your toolkit whatever you want. You may want to have a big one to keep at home, and another that is portable that you can take with you out into the world.  

Let’s start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times. 

Optimizing your toolkit: 

You may find one or two senses to be more helpful than others. Most people already have developed sensory grounding resources without realizing that is what they were doing - for example, using soothing music. Think about some of the things that have helped you already and build on them. See if you can find strategies that help with ‘overactivated’ trigger states (anger, panic, anxiety) as well ones that help with ‘under activated” trigger states (numbness, depression, dissociation) (Boone et al, 2011).  

A list of possible items to place in your toolkit: 

Sight:  

• Images or photos of a few people, places or pets that evoke positive feelings or memories 

• Images or art with soothing colors 

• Notes with meaningful quotes or affirmations 

• A snow globe or glitter jar (instructions for making your own here!) 

• Flameless color changing candles  

Sound:  

• Earbuds or noise cancelling headphones 

• A calming playlist, with music, meditations, stories, nature sounds, or ASMR. 

• A tiny music box.  

• Any small instrument such as chimes, a xylophone or a kalimba  

Touch:  

• Soft, squeezable 

• Stuffed animals (Lots of people love Squishmallows !) 

• Body pillow  

• Weighted blanket 

• Craft feathers or pom-poms  

Manipulatable: 

• A beaded necklace or bracelet 

• Fidget toys  

• Putty or plasticine (think Silly Putty, Play-Doh, modeling clay!) 

• Pipe cleaners 

Temperature changing: 

• Hand warmers  

• Heating pad 

• Cooling lotion or salve with peppermint or menthol 

• Gel eye mask (kept it in the fridge) 

• Instant cold packs  

Scent 

• Essential Oils  

• Calming and soothing scents: Lavender, vanilla, sandalwood, neroli.  

• Energizing scents: Citrus, eucalyptus, peppermint 

• Scented lotion  

• Bubble bath, bath bombs 

• Scratch-and-sniff stickers  

Taste 

• Gum 

• Mints 

• Tea bags 

• Sour candies/lollipops, Flavored fizzy water 

Other: 

I love oriental designed items so in my toolkit I have an oriental fan that I can “flip” open and fan my face. I like the sound, and the movement. They are inexpensive, on Amazon they start at $6.00 on up.  

Try an activity like building blocks! This is a sensory/motor exercise that can be soothing. Have a small set to include in your toolkit if it sounds like something you’d like.  

A bubble wand! Blowing bubbles is a great sensory tool that also supports you to slow your breath. Try making lots of little bubbles or one big one. Watch them float and try to catch or pop a few in the air.  

Use your imagination and include anything that appeals to you, maybe even sounds fun! 

Using your Sensory Toolkit 

You might like to simply have your toolkit handy and grab a few items that are calling to you in the moment.  

Or you can use a variation of the 5,4,3,2,1 exercise: (script below) 

Using non-judgmental awareness, orient each sense to items in your toolbox. You may want to name each item either out loud or in your head, and maybe note one descriptive attribute. For example, you might say “blue picture. Soft blanket. Minty lotion.” and so on.  

• Name 5 things that you can see.  

• Name 4 things you can touch. 

• Name 3 things you can hear. 

• Name 2 things you can smell  

• Name 1 thing you can taste  

You can go as slow as you like, and try repeating it a few times, using different items. 

I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!! I have put each exercise to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please like, subscribe, and share widely if you like what you see and hear! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and again share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever is on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Kerri Walker, Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, on Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com. 

Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!