Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 4, different types of stress. I’m so glad that  we’re walking the path towards healing together!

So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma Support Specialist with lots of lived experience with trauma, so let’s dive in!

So, in thinking about what we’ve discussed so far, we’ve talked about what trauma is, and just how big of an impact it has on our entire brain/body systems. It’s huge! I’ve also talked about “toxic stress” and adversity a lot. Connecting the dots logically, which can be challenging for me to do, I thought this next piece should be about different kinds of stress. Yes, there ARE different kinds! Stresses, their causes, and affects come from many different places.

Society throws us this idea, that we can be “stress free” if we just take a vacation, take some time off, remove ourselves from our daily “grind!” But does that really work? Do we just magically stop “thinking about” or “stressing” over things? Not really! There are always things going on in our minds, even on a beautiful beach in Hawaii, soaking up the ocean breezes. “Oops, look at the time! I’ve gotta get up, navigate my way back to the hotel, take the elevator all the way up to my floor, go to my room, shower to get all this sand off of me, get ready to go to dinner at 7:00 PM” … things like that!

Stress essentially is the way your body reacts to any threat or demand placed on it. When you experience a threat or have to deal with something, your brain prepares your body to respond by releasing hormones like adrenaline and cortisol throughout your system so you’re “ready for action.”.

 There are 3 basic kinds of stress, and you’ll see them listed by different names, but for us, we’re going to define them as: Beneficial, Acute, and Toxic.

Beneficial?? Are you kidding? What kind of stress is beneficial?? Well, the kind that gets us off that sandy beach and to our hotel room to get ready for dinner!

Beneficial stress is the kind of stress that’s woven into everyone’s daily lives. Beneficial stress is motivating, it gets us moving towards being productive. If it didn’t, we’d never get out of bed! That stress response kicks in, and we get things done! For example, we may be faced at work with responding to an urgent email from our boss that needs a bit of sensitive composing. The brain, with this kind of stress, kicks in, and we get a burst of adrenaline. It’s stressful in the moment, but it’s something we know that we have the capacity to handle and deal with. We have the skillset to be able to deal with it, so we think, compose, read over it, and once it’s to our satisfaction, we send it! Later, our boss comes to our desk and lets us know that they appreciated the way we responded to the email, and job well done! We get a REWARD for how we dealt with the stressor! So, our brain, tucks that away for future reference! This translates stress into a reward! Another example might be studying for an exam for school. We might be taking classes we aren’t particularly interested in, with material that isn’t very interesting to us. But we study, go over the material, write our papers, whatever we need to do. Because the REWARD at the end of all of the studying and learning is getting good test scores. That translates into something we do want: whatever degree, certificate, or training is at the end of all of that hard work and stress! So, the stress in this way makes new connections in our brains which can boost attention, focus and memory! It can also be good for us physically. Say, you decide you want to exercise more. You commit time every day at 7 AM to exercise. You set your alarm clock a little earlier, get right out of bed (ugh, it takes a bit more effort!) and start your new morning routine! So that mild stressor, setting your alarm earlier, getting right out of bed, and putting your plan into action takes energy, focus and intention.  You exercise, and that builds your physical and mental health! You get a rush of endorphins or “feel good” chemicals when you exercise. Again, you have that reward!  Beneficial stress can also impact our mental health in other ways. With each stressor that we see, confront, and handle, it builds self-confidence, you feel stimulated, and it reinforces the fact that we can handle things as they come up.

On to Acute stress! Acute stress happens when we experience or perceive something stressful as with all types of stress. But It’s an event that we feel is more threatening to us than the examples we discussed with Beneficial stress. Acute stressors happen off and on to us, they are events that occur, usually not daily. Some examples of an acute stressor might be: getting cut off in traffic, being involved in an argument, being criticized, or feeling like we’re being judged. An acute stressor kicks in that “fight, flight, or freeze” response (remember, we’re ready to either fight back, run away, or freeze in place until the threat is over!). This is when the brain is in survival mode, the brain and body send all of its energy on to our basic survival functions. That “thinking” part of our brain shuts down. Our sympathetic nervous system takes over. Our breathing gets faster, our heart rate and blood pressure go up, our body gets tense, our body and brain are throwing up its protections, they are designed to help us succeed and survive! So for example, your driving on a busy highway and suddenly someone swerves right in front of you in your lane. You instantly without conscious thought, feel that instant panic and you may hit the brakes, or you may correct (like pulling into another lane) in order to avoid hitting them. You might have held your breath, felt your heart thump or thud in your chest, or had your whole-body tense up. You might even yell out loud to the other driver, or to yourself! (I do this a lot!) Once you’ve taken action and have successfully avoided having an accident, you might take a deep breath, and refocus your attention to driving. Your brain and body then begin to recognize that this immediate threat is over. The brain begins to turn off that “fight, flight or freeze” mode.  The brain starts to send signals and energy back to other parts of our systems. Our “thinking” brain comes back online, our sympathetic nervous system stops being “in charge” and we get back to being balanced. So acute stress is an event or stressor, the body/brain goes into alert and activation, then the threat is dealt with, and the body and brain deactivate, then they go back to balance! It’s uncomfortable, but its tolerable!

But what happens if that “fight, flight or freeze” never shuts off??

That leads us in to really looking at toxic stress, just that phrase can feel kind of scary can’t it?

This kind of stress happens over time. Stressful events can come from anywhere. Remember, what we view as stressful is VERY personal and is shaped by our learning histories, environments, and how we “see” or “view” things. We could be in an abusive relationship, experience the death of a person close to us, or someone we know. We could experience, either through ourselves or with another, serious illness. We could be involved in an accident. We could lose a job, then can’t pay our bills. That may mean we can’t afford housing, or food. We may live in a place where we don’t feel safe. Anything that makes us scared, afraid, or overwhelmed. Remember, stress is an OVERWHELMING demand placed on the brain and body systems. Things just keep happening! Ever have that feeling like you “just can’t take one more thing?” Me too! When we have many different kinds of stressful, scary, or awful things happen to us, over time, our brain and body are often activated and reactivated in that “fight, flight, or freeze mode.” With continued stresses after a while, that “high alert system” just doesn’t shut off. Our brain floods our nervous systems and bodies with those chemicals we’ve talked about, like adrenaline and cortisol. Our brain and body are designed to help us survive, so if they think they’re under constant threat, there always “amped” up ready for danger! This can happen long after any event is over. Think of a light switch, that connects to a lightbulb. if someone doesn’t turn off the switch, that bulb stays on. Eventually, that light bulb, burns out, right? While our brains don’t actually completely “burn out” some things in our brains, might short circuit in a way, or may not work as well when dealing with toxic stress! It’s bad enough when this kind of repeated toxic stress happens to adults, but when it happens in childhood, it can have lifelong affects! We will really get into this beginning with the next episode, there’s a LOT to talk about with this subject!

So, when we’re on “high alert” for long periods of time, different things can begin to happen to us physically that we may notice. We might feel exhausted, or not sleep. We may get headaches; our muscles can ache too. We might feel like we can’t “sit still” or we may feel like we can’t move at all, we can physically feel “weighed down” like we’re walking through heavy mud. We might have stomach and other digestion issues. I can really relate to this; I developed my first ulcer at 16! We might develop high blood pressure, or high blood sugar (diabetes). We can have changes in our weight, loose it or gain it.

Toxic stress definitely takes its toll on us mentally and emotionally too. We may feel that everything is “too much” to handle and feel overwhelmed. We might swing quickly back and forth between one mood or another. We might get “snappy” and angry or have angry “outbursts" even yell and scream. Or we might feel really sad, be overly sensitive, and cry for any reason. We might feel anxiety, fear, and can have panic attacks. We might do things that are out of the ordinary for us, be “impulsive” which can look like acting first without thinking, or maybe excessive shopping (even knowing we don’t have the money in the bank to pay for things). We might abuse drugs, or alcohol, even sex. We may not be able to focus or concentrate or we may have trouble remembering things. Or we might feel nothing at all, we feel numb, disconnected, not “there” or not present. We may do things and not remember doing them. I’ll give you an example of that! I’ve had many times where I’ve driven, say to work, parked my car and realized that I had NO IDEA HOW I’D GOTTEN THERE! I didn’t remember anything about the drive! Not the traffic, the turns I took, stopping at signs or lights, NOTHING! Have you ever experienced anything like this? I bet lots of you have! That’s pretty scary when that realization comes to you! That is disassociation, not being connected to or rooted in the present moment. Now when I drive, I actually wear a rubber band on my left wrist. When I feel I need to “wake up” I gently snap the rubber band, and that feeling will bring me into the moment! Disassociation is a very “hard” event to deal with mentally and physically. It can lead to things like self-harm behavior which might look like “self-cutting” or other ways you might physically injure yourself to try and bring you back to the present moment by feeling pain. I’ll admit, I’ve been a cutter in the past. You also may not remember parts of your life! Your brain, in an effort to protect you from traumatic memories, will intentionally bury or block things so you don’t feel the mental and emotional pain. I’ve mentioned before that I had a lot of “ah ha” moments in my 30’s. This was triggered by my mother’s death. During my deep grieving process, memories that I’d buried came rushing up in bits and pieces. It was like someone flipped on a switch, and it was awful. I began to understand at that point, just how damaged I really was, and just how much had happened to me. That was the beginning of my very long journey that I’m still on at 58! I think I’ll always be a “work in progress.” The fact that we’re on this journey together now, learning, building skills, and growing with those small baby steps I’m always talking about, is amazing! I love learning about trauma-informed care, which at its core is “what happened TO you” as opposed to “what’s wrong with you!” It’s so very important that we remind ourselves that what happened to us WAS NOT OUR FAULT! Our brains lie to us, and we feel guilt, shame, and blame ourselves for things. We also believe what others in our lives tell us- “it wasn’t that bad” or “stop making such a big deal about it” or even “that didn’t happen, you’re making that up.” I want you to really understand that your history, experiences, and how they affected you are real, they are VALID! You get to own your experiences, feelings, and everything else that comes along with it! And it feels really, really, crappy to say the least!

I also want to remind you of YOUR SAFETY. As trauma survivors, we want to be seen, heard, and understood. So along with that experience of “ownership” we might want the people around us to understand how we feel. This is absolutely right, and important, but only with safe and supportive people! If you are in an abusive relationship, it most likely isn’t safe for you to express your thoughts and emotions to someone who is hurting you in any way. You know the truth in your mind, remind yourself of that! If you need help getting to safety, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours a day at 1-800- 799-7233 for resources. You can also reach out to me at [email protected], Facebook or my websites! I’ll do whatever I can to help get you to safety, or just listen!

So I like to close with an exercise that we can add to our “toolbox” that we’re building together. As always, you don’t have to do it right now, if you don’t want to, but it might be helpful just to listen and tuck it away in your mind in case you need it.

This exercise is called “shake it off” and is a Somatic Experiencing exercise. Somatic Experiencing techniques are used to get you back in touch with your body. Dr. Peter Levine is the creator of SE, and there are great YouTube videos of him explaining and demonstrating different theories on trauma and techniques to help you “reconnect.”

1. Find a space where you feel comfortable and safe for shaking.

2. You can do this by either lying on the floor or standing up.

3. Let the energy move through your body as you shake your legs and feet.

4. Shake the energy off by shaking your arms and hands.

5. It might be helpful to imagine that you are shaking off the sand from your body after going

to the beach.

6. Explore any other movements that might feel good for your body.

7. Come back to a resting position, sitting, or lying down.

8. Breathe slowly in through your nose with your belly pushing out, to a count of five.

9.Hold your breath for a count of 1

10. Slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should move in as you breath out, for a count of five

Do this 5 times. When your finished, notice how you feel. How do you feel in your body? Are you calmer, feeling a bit more peaceful?

I hope this exercise has been helpful for you in some way. We’ve added another tool to our toolbox, so remember to go to that toolbox and pull out whatever you need in order to feel less anxious and supported.

Remember, if you are in a mental health crisis in the United States, you can dial 988 to get resources, support, or someone to just listen to you.

Thank you so much for listening today, and please KEEP listening! Wherever you listen, please subscribe, favorite and rate me, comment, and download my episodes.  Please let me know how you like the show, your thoughts, comments, anything that’s on your mind. Your opinion really matters to me! You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, on Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and at my websites invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com and enddvnow.com

Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all your favorite podcast apps and platforms!

 

Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!